Ever feel like everyone is more productive than you?
Unable to start writing my next blog post, I recently messed around the web for a while.
I read about people finding the perfect work rhythm.
Like a well-oiled machine, they cram ever more work into their day. Grow a bigger Facebook community. Answer more emails. Produce an unbelievable amount of content. While being cheerful and happy all the time.
Life doesn’t feel like that to me.
Life doesn’t feel like an advert full of joyous Heineken drinkers.
But we often make life more difficult for ourselves. We beat ourselves up because we feel we’ve wasted time. We get angry because we’re scared about publishing a blog post or launching a new product. What if people don’t like it? What if nothing happens and all our efforts are wasted?
Since starting my business I’ve learned a lot. About writing. About online marketing. About running a business. But most of all, about myself.
Below follow some of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned. About being kind to myself and accepting that life isn’t perfect. About moving on and not getting too much in my own way. About slowing down so I can savor life more.
These 4 mindset changes have helped me to slow down and to feel better about myself and my business.
1. Reframe saying No
Saying no is difficult. It feels like I’m rejecting someone. As if I’m selfish.
But that’s the wrong way to think about saying no.
Saying yes to a suggestion means saying no to work I had prioritized. What task should I scrap because I take up a new opportunity?
Struggling with saying no, too? Here’s an email template you can use:
I’m currently unable to do [whatever the request is] because [if possible, add a reason].
[Provide a quick suggestion of how you can help instead]
When people ask me a free web review, I answer along these lines:
Unfortunately, I currently don’t have time for a web review.
To evaluate your copy, think about your ideal customer and then read your website through their eyes. Do they understand your words? Do you explain why they should work with you? Have you overcome their objections to contacting you?
You may also find it useful to read your copy aloud.
Or when people inquire about a copywriting project:
Unfortunately, my schedule is jam-packed and I’m unable to take on any new projects.
Do you know other copywriters you can ask? Or would you like me to recommend a copywriter?
Flight safety demonstrations are pretty clear. Put your own oxygen mask on before helping others. Because if you run out of oxygen, you can’t help others anymore.
In business life, it’s the same.
Take care of yourself first. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re selfish.
So stop feeling guilty. Set your boundaries. And be proud of how you’re helping people already.
2. Prioritize sleep
Getting enough sleep is for softies, right?
Sleep used to be low on my priority list. My corporate life was crazy.
Sleep for five or six hours. Drive an hour to work while listening to an educational podcast. Spend 11 hours in the office. Drive home while listening to another podcast. Cook, eat, and then answer a few emails, read a report or a few blog posts to keep up with online marketing trends. Read a business book in bed, and fall asleep.
How did I survive?
I cruised through the day on auto-pilot. Many meetings didn’t require my full attention.
But once or twice a year, I’d be so exhausted that I’d sleep a whole weekend. I only woke up for breakfast and dinner.
I’m used to working at companies where leaving at 6pm was frowned upon—a sure sign of a lack of commitment to the company. Being the last to leave was a badge of honor. And the harder you worked the more work you received because you were competent. A dangerously vicious circle.
Now, I don’t have wasteful meetings I can breeze through on autopilot, half asleep. When I work, I have to work. I have to concentrate.
It took me nearly two years of running my business before I realized the importance of sleep. Tony Schwartz calls sleep a competitive advantage. And it’s true.
If you’re a night owl like me, don’t fool yourself like I did.
I would stumble around all day and work like a maniac from 9pm to midnight or later. While I thought this was my most productive time of the day, I wrecked my productivity for the next day. I slowly moved my sleep rhythm by shutting my computer down an hour before bedtime and by trying to go to bed a little earlier every week.
When you prioritize sleep, you become more energetic during the day. You get more done.
3. Stop letting others set your standard
I quit my job, because I didn’t want to work like crazy all the time.
I wanted more freedom. The opportunity to do things my way.
But our dominant culture is to strive for more. More followers. More achievements. More money.
The six-figure income seems a minimum yardstick. Otherwise you don’t even count. A product launch that makes under $10k? Tss. What a failure.
But what do you require to live a comfortable life? What works for you? What does a good life mean to you? What is good enough?
Manic work habits can be fueled by not feeling good enough.
We’re afraid our content doesn’t live up to other people’s standards, so we polish until it’s shinier than anything we’ve seen. We’re afraid our presentation will suck, so we practice it one more time late at night. We’re nervous about questions we may get, so we over-prepare. We’re afraid to wing it. We’re afraid others will find out we’re pretending to know our stuff.
Are you working so hard because you’re afraid to fail?
Stop defining yourself by the work you do. The length of your to-do list is not the measure of your success. Only you can decide what success means for you.
Learn to treasure the intangible aspects of life—inspiration, creativity, empathy, being together.
4. Schedule time off
Summer is arriving here in England. We’re having lovely weather this week.
A good time to stand back and reflect.
In Italy, many factories close for the month of August. In China, most factories close for 3 weeks for Chinese New Year.
Linda Lopeke has reminded me of this: Why not declare summer hours, too?
You probably started your own business to have more freedom. So why not take some time off and enjoy the summer? Work shorter days. Go away for the weekend. Plan a long vacation. Or reduce your blogging schedule, like I’m planning to do for July and August.
Make sure you block downtime in your calendar because otherwise your calendar fills up with appointments and work.
I do the same in December. I find it a tough month. I schedule less work to allow for lower energy levels during these dark days.
Our always-on society makes it hard to escape
We’re addicted to checking Facebook and Insta updates. We feel we must answer a Whatsapp message instantly.
We add another book to our wishlist. Another blog to Feedly. Subscribe to yet another podcast. Buy another ecourse. And set up an account for yet another social media platform.
No wonder we feel overloaded, overwhelmed, and overstretched.
So, find time to escape. Go for a walk without your smartphone.
Live in the slow lane for a couple of months.
Recommended reading on healthy work habits:
Crazy workload? This one simple question eased my stress
A 5-step plan to writing weekly blog content
How to get unstuck (and build a business you’ll love)
Hi Henneke,
I feel a lot of affinity with you, that’s why your blog articles speak to me.
Sleep. Yes, I realized that was my priority.
In fact, I work for a boss (not yet for my company), and for more than two years I have been sleeping between 5 or 6 hours, like you before.
And it exhausted me. I could no longer concentrate on my writing (for my business).
I have just gone through a difficult period.
I got sick. I was no longer motivated at all. Nothing.
I realized at that moment that the most important thing was to listen to our bodies.
I just sent an email to my readers asking them to “take care of yourself”.
I agree with the other tips you mention.
Reframe by saying no. Stop letting others define your standards. Schedule time off.
Thank you Henneke for sharing your experience.
You comfort me.
For me, you are a wonderful support.💗
Thank you so much for your comment, Alexandra.
First, I want to say I’m sorry you’ve gone through such a difficult period. So many of us have to go through illness first before we learn to listen to our bodies and take care of ourselves. It makes my heart ache.
Also, I want to say that your comment encourages me to be myself in my writing. Isn’t it beautiful how we can connect through our writing and feel supported?
I hope you’re recovering well and get your energy back soon. ❤️
Henneke, very wise words. I also have the problem saying “no.” It’s tough and as you, I feel that I’m pushing them away, I’m being selfish. I work at least 16 hours a day 6 days a week, it had been 7 days a week for 4 years. Just trying to grow my own business, grow my clients’ businesses. The demand of it all I handled but then I crashed. So I had to slow down, but I never enjoyed life, enjoyed the little things. I know the importance, but demand drives me forward. I still have a tough time with that balance. Hopefully I can apply these tips very soon. Technology makes it hard.
Hi Richard – I agree with you that technology makes it hard to switch off and slow down, but we really have to find a way to curb our workaholic tendencies as working so many hours rarely makes people happy.
I’ve also written a post about how I dramatically cut back my working hours: https://www.enchantingmarketing.com/how-to-ease-stress/ You may find it useful.
Love this post Henneke!
I’m guilty on some of the things you posted here.
I sometimes feel like I’m not doing enough because of the perception that ‘successful’ people started out on having several sleepless nights and I don’t (I suffer from terrible headaches if I don’t get 6 hours of sleep). I love how you point out the importance of defining our own success because at the end, it’s OUR definition on how we should live our lives that matter.
P.S. I bought your business blogging book and I love it! 🙂
I agree with you – success has nothing to do with sleepless nights. I used to think that being busy and working through nights were signs of people’s importance, their commitment and/or success. But I’ve found it’s totally untrue. We should get away from this stranglehold of having to appear busy 😉
Glad you’re enjoying my book! 🙂
Hi Henneke-
Were you writing this just for me? It sure seems like it. It is exactly what I needed right now. You are so right about how we compare ourselves to others and of course every channel offers instant stats: how many have retweeted you, how many followers, how many comments. Nothing is private so the whole world knows how well–or how dismally–you are doing. There is no public yardstick of how much you are enjoying life or how happy you are with however big or small your business is. Not sure how to change this except that each of us needs to take control of our own life and create the one we want. Not easy to do in these crazy, numbers-as-god-times. But just talking about it, as you have in this post, helps all of us realize we are not alone. Thanks!
The truth is that the numbers tell us so little. They’re so superficial. A post can have made a real impact on a few people – even when the tweet count is low or when you have zero comments. As you say, it’s easy to stare at the figures and feel disheartened, but running a business is about connecting with people, not about getting a few more shares!
Hey Henneke,
thanks for the excellent article on work-life balance.
yes, we did start our own business to have more freedom, more control of our life – and yes, we keep working more and more like crazy. Quitting 9 to 5 and making it 9 to 3 AM isn’t smart thinking at all.
Most online businessmen think that everyday is a Sunday – since it is up to you to work – but in reality everyday is a Monday!
Great advice on saying No. I guess it is not that easy though, however much better than getting flooded with extra work. Sleep is another issue that needs to be worked on – one should try and manage 8 hours of sleep a day and preferably during the night.
Your article really talks to me and many more!
Down time is needed after all its therapeutic!! Great piece of work Henneke
rgdsrob
Thank you, Robert. Time for a long lunch break today 🙂
Well deserved indeed!!
Hi Henneke,
Couple points.
Sleep is so underrated. I’m a night owl myself … sometimes going to bed at 2am and waking up at 7am. Then I wonder why I don’t get things done the next day … or get as much stuff done as I’d like. For the last few days, I’ve been going to bed earlier, like 11pm and waking up 8am. And I’m starting to feel more refreshed.
Regarding the scheduled time off, that’s a wonderful idea. It’s true that we start our own businesses because we want to work less … but we rarely do. And especially in the summer time, the time we’re REALLY supposed to enjoy the outdoors and time with our families, we miss out on that. I’m all for summer hours scheduling.
Great post here. Definitely.
– Andrew
Hey Andrew,
Good to see you’re back! I hope you had a wonderful wedding 😀
And yes, we’re crazy aren’t we? We start our own business to work less, but we struggle to make that change. I’ve been making a lot of progress since prioritizing self-care and practicing saying no.
Today’s weather was beautiful, and I’ve gone out for a walk this morning and a bike ride this afternoon. There’s only a limited amount of sunshine in the UK, so I’m trying to enjoy it as much as I can! 🙂
Bonjour Henneke, I am not on G+.
My choice is 2A or 2D.
Enjoy the sun and your free time 😉
Thanks for the post!
Thank you for your vote! And yes, I know not everyone is on G+, but I’m not on Facebook 🙂 Most people who want to vote, know how to reach me anyway – some others have emailed. I hope nobody feels excluded!
Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine, too!
Swings, and knocks it out of the park. Great post! Everything comes down to time, and time is our biggest enemy by far.
I will be the first to admit that when i set down to write a new, out of this world post, i end up spending most of my time looking at facebook, catching up on all the great blogs i missed that day, to looking at computer stuff.
But, with that being said thank you for opening up my eyes, and showing me, what i need to be doing.
again thanks for the great read
Your friend
jason
I think we’re our own biggest enemy by trying to squeeze more work into less time, or by messing around because we can’t get started 😉
Thank you for commenting!
Hey Henneke,
Great mindset shifts. You speak to the problem I’ve dedicated my business to. So many workaholics are in denial that there is even a problem – because working your ass off is a cool corporate thing to do. As you’ve noticed, we unconsciously end up taking leftovers of that life into our business and duplicate it.
Depriving ourselves for the sake of putting everyone else first is a strong theme in service based entrepreneurs. Sadly, it’s a default that we learn from childhood, then find it hard to notice in adulthood.
Saying no and putting ourselves first is probably the biggest step any workaholic can take for the better. Often the people helping others are the ones that need the help the most.
Thanks for writing about this.
Yes, exactly. I also thought that working like crazy was part of the corporate lifestyle and it was cool to be dead tired.
I’m not surprised you’ve found ‘depriving ourselves’ a strong theme in service based entrepreneurs. We do this because we love working with people and it energizes us when we feel we make a difference to their lives.
Thank you very much for your comment – I appreciate it!
I enjoyed this post very much Henneke. There’s absolutely no point “doing your own thing” if you’re a slave to it. My moments of inspiration come from true down time. It allows my mind to wander and life still goes on.
Yes, I so recognize that! I get my best ideas while out on a walk or on my bike. Slow movement seems to allow my mind to wander around, too. Drawing has also helped me to slow down and live more in the moment. I think drawing is some kind of meditation, too.
Hi Hanneke,
This post had me thinking again about how we tend to go into autopilot and just try to see how much more we can fit into one day. Most of the time this means less sleep.
Especially with social media as it is now it is difficult to keep up it seems the rule apply “keep up or lose out”.
Years ago they took the messages first by foot, later on horseback – took months to weeks to deliver and months to weeks to receive a reply. These days, you receive an email and they expect you to answer it within the next 5 minutes. And sometimes you only open it a day later…..so it should have been answered yesterday already.Keeping up is crazy.
Yes, so true. When I went backpacking in China in 1990, I had left post office addresses with my family and friends. While I wrote to them quite regularly, I could only pick up their letters once a month or so. That seems totally crazy in today’s world. But somehow we did it and it was fine. All the instant messages make it harder for us to concentrate. For a while, I had lost the ability to concentrate on a good book. I’ve really slowed down this year and am more mindful (I hate that word!) about how I spend my time. But I need to keep watching I don’t fall back into bad habits again.
Thank you for your comment, Linda. I appreciate it!
Henneke,
I think its all about finding your natural rhythm. Its ironic because in the corporate world I couldn’t get out fast enough (yes, I was one of those nerds slinking out at 6:00 p.m.). And yet doing what I love, writing, I can do all day. I have to force myself to turn off the computer. Now I have the opposite problem of the corporate world. I love what I do too much and have to learn to unplug. I’ll take it, though. I’m happier.
Yes, and I guess you’re working from home, too? That can make it difficult to unwind and shut down the computer. “Work” seems to be calling us all the time. But like you, I’m a lot happier this way – I’ll never go back to corporate life.
And now it’s time to log off for me!
GREAT idea to reduce the blogging schedule over July and August, love it! That means I only have to write 3 more and then I can hit ‘cruise’ 🙂 Although I curse the fact that I can NEVER lie in (not even with a raging hangover) I’ve realised I’m stuck with being an early bird. I live with two night owls and I watch them spring to life just as I’m hitting the roost, I don’t think I’d want to trade!
Go for it – time to declare your summer hours, too 🙂
I’ve often wished that I was an early bird. Especially in my corporate job, I struggled with getting up early and getting to the office in time. And even worse, when I had to catch an early flight to visit suppliers abroad. I’m so glad I can decide my own hours now!
Yes you are right everyone start business for more freedom. so why not enjoy.
Enjoy your long vacation
Thank you, Ket! I’m planning to slow down a little and re-focus during the summer months, but I’ll still be around 🙂
Such a spot on post. I also used to be such a night bird, but realise that I do pay for late nights with being more inefficient the following day.
And saying no can be hard. But saying yes to everything, often means that the things that really matter to you don’t happen. (As you’re so busy trying to help everyone else.)
Yes, you’re so right. We have to put the things that matter first – no matter how hard that feels sometimes. I’ve found it helps me to answer emails later in the day, so I’ve done some important work first. People can wait a few hours before they get an answer, can’t they?
I needed to hear this. It is a great argument to outsource the writing/copy of my website redesign. I’m dong everything. Soup to nuts and I’m nuts. There is a copywriting guy in Boulder CO I’m going to contact. Sorting out who is a good copywriter begins by reading the copy they wrote about themselves. It’s amazing the % that I can’t follow. It does not read well. Next!
Yes, outsourcing is a great way to reduce a workload, too. I’m not good at outsourcing at all!
Hey Henneke – this is fabulous and super timely.
Over the weekend I finally accepted that I was trying to do too much in a short timeframe. And as a result I wasn’t doing anything well.
I kept telling myself, “you know how to do this, you did it in your Corporate days” – bit the reality is that wasn’t healthy or enjoyable.
So I’m slowing things down, being kinder to myself, and taking my time to get things done right and in a same manner.
Such great reminders – we have to run our business our way, instead of letting it run us!
Yes, exactly. But isn’t it weird how we have to keep reminding ourselves all the time? It’s so easy to fall back into old habits, isn’t it?
Stay kind to yourself!
“We feel we must answer a Whatsapp message instantly.” —Guilty as charged. 🙁
And it is so easy to say “no” to a pixel! Why do we not resist the temptation to be all things to all people?
Like Jane, above, I have said, “There’s plenty of time for sleep in the grave!” and I’ve heard those who care about me (more than I care about myself?) say, “…and you’ll get their quicker if you don’t stop this!”
I taking this post of yours as a wake-up call (funny—a wake-up call to get more sleep…) and will research on line, of course, about how to make one’s self sleep after so many years of avoiding it.
But after the research, I will truly apply what I’ve learned. Promise.
A wake-up call to sleep more – that indeed sounds funny 🙂
My experience is that by sleeping more, I can be more present during the day. I still sometimes feel like a zombie, but not as much as I used to.
Don’t stay up too late researching sleep!
Great post! Makes me feel vindicated as I have just ‘sacked’ a client or as you say, ‘reframed no’. I have done it constructively, but what is the point of working freelance when you are as stressed as you would be in a corporate role? We must remember why we took this work decision in the first place. And when I go to bed early tonight, I will know it is my competitive advantage…
Good for you, Liz. Sack the clients you don’t like working with. Bad clients guzzle up energy. Better work with people that inspire you to do your best work. 🙂
“Slow Down to Savor Life”
you’re…
“in a beautiful park and the sun is shining”
Hello Henneke
Let’s take this as a call to adventure. I for one will be packing a picnic, putting on my boots, switching off my phone and heading for the hills. (After 5pm, of course 🙂
I like skiving off (or playing hooky as you say in the US) in the middle of the day, and go for a walk or a brief bike ride. Escaping in the middle of the day feels like the most luxurious reward of running my own business.
Hope you’ll have a great walk, Philip. Enjoy your picnic!
Absolutely fantastic, Henneke!
Many sentences in this post can become quotes like – “Stop letting others set your standard” and “You probably started your own business to have more freedom”.
I truly enjoyed this piece of gold.
Thank you so much.
BTW, can you recommend a book/resource on creating analogies to explain the concept better?
Best,
Avadhut
Thank you, Avadhut. Good to see you again!
The best book is by Anne Miller – The Tall Lady With the Iceberg.
I fully agree. More than fully. I have been thinking about this a lot, too. Still am.
I wonder whether it’s possible to find the right answers, or whether we have to accept that we keep muddling through.
For me the problem is not saying no or sleeping too little. For me the problem is losing sight of what I like doing best. Also I am struggling with content overload. I am at times fed up with content marketing. I need to renew myself and I am going to.
Have you tried a social media vacation? I get so tired from the constant stream of updates, that I sometimes go more or less off line for a few days. You probably cope better than I do with the incessant stream of input, but switching off really helps put things in perspective. Sometimes we’re too afraid to miss something. But honestly, important information reaches us anyhow.
I have. It was marvellous 😉 I am going to do that way more often. Every weekend, to be precise.
But honestly. I am going to make a few bold changes. We’ll talk soon.
This really hit home for me. Sleep? Yeh, like that’s what you can do when you’re dead. Right? I used to be on the same train that you described here. 4 to 5 hours sleep max.
I never earned a 6 figure income so I don’t know what that’s like, but I had a near fatal accident 2 years ago and have not been able to go back to a normal job. I now live on in one month what I used to live on for a week. Period. I’m not complaining because I have a great life. I love where am now while I try to build a business I can do from home. Believe me I have done this. “Learn to treasure the intangible aspects of life—inspiration, creativity, empathy, being together.”
It’s amazing how health scares and life changing experience can make us value life so much more, isn’t it?
I’m glad you’re finding a way to build your own business from home, Jane!
Great post Henneke. So many valuable lessons that I’m sure I’m not alone in needing to heed. It can be very easy to lose perspective on what’s important, and take the enjoyment out of your work in the process. I’m about to head out for a walk with the dog and for once won’t take my mobile. Instead of checking emails while she’s sniffing about I’ll enjoy the fact we’re in a beautiful park and the sun is shining 🙂
Yay! Enjoy the sunshine 🙂
And yep, I’ve partly written this post to remind myself, too.
Very true that saying no needs to be reframed–especially when you’re saying yes just out of politeness to something that isn’t even on your list of priorities. Happens to me all the time, unfortunately 🙁
Yep, it has happened to me a lot, but we can’t say yes to everything out of politeness. Before we know, we don’t get any “real” work done! We need to practice saying no.
Hey Henneke,
You’ve nailed it. We are so overwhelmed these days and it is no surprise! Many technological advancements (like the smartphone) make our days more complicated.
And yes you are right, success is not in the length of our to-do list. Everyone’s definition of success is different. As long as we know what we want and as long as we are pretty clear about our version of “success” things should be fine.
It is heartbreaking to see how people choose to do their own business in order to escape from the dreading 9-5; and then end up in the same kind of (or even worse) dreaded schedule – unable to enjoy life. Unable to live in the present and unable to appreciate all the goodies around!
This post is surely an eye-opener. Thanks for putting this up. Have a nice week!
Cheers,
Jane.
I also think we’re overwhelmed because we’re trying to do everything ourselves these days. In the pre-internet age, you’d go to a travel agent to book a vacation. Now, we spend hour researching a destination ourselves. In the past, you’d ask a trusted local salesman which appliance to buy. Now, we spend hours comparing products and reading reviews.
I find defining my version of success is one thing, but sticking to it is still another matter. It’s easy to be influenced by all the talk of more more more.
Thank you for stopping by!
Oh, yes! I used to cook from my mother’s recipes and cookbooks in my kitchen. Now days, I spend an irrational amount of time online, researching a recipe that will, ultimately, be very good, yes, but also foreign to us and probably not that much better. It seems the hunt is almost more important than the catch…
Yes, I recognize that. Life gets too complicated with an endless number of options!