What would happen if no empathy existed?
We’d lose our ability to understand other people’s thoughts and feelings.
We’d be unable to engage with other human beings.
The world would become a cold-hearted place.
Psychologist Sherry Turkle argues that modern communication—like rapid-fire tweets, updates, and instant messages—has undermined our ability to have valuable conversations. In turn, this might diminish our ability to empathize.
But what is empathy?
Empathy is not a shortcut to marketing success
Slick marketers use “empathy” as a technique for gaining more business. Sneak into the mind of your readers. Understand their fears. Make them feel even more insecure and get them to buy your product.
That’s not real empathy. That’s exploiting people’s insecurities to make more money.
Real empathy starts with a desire to help. Instead of making people more insecure, suggest: If this is your problem and you feel like this, then this product may be able to help.
Empathy is the art of stepping imaginatively into the shoes of another person, understanding their feelings and perspectives, and using that understanding to guide your actions ~ Roman Krznaric
The purpose of connecting with your audience is not just to craft better messages. The purpose is to compose content that’s meaningful, and to create products and services that truly help.
An empathy-based business puts its audience on center stage:
- Don’t see your blog as a sales tool, but as an opportunity to connect; be generous
- Don’t write to impress but to help; building your authority is a by-product of being helpful and inspirational
- Don’t put short-term business goals (“we must get more subscribers”) above creating engaging experiences—why annoy web visitors with popups to satisfy your short-term business goals?
- Respect your audience and give buyers the power to decide whether the product is right for him or not; don’t use pushy sales techniques
Respect for your audience also means respect for yourself. Be proud of your services and charge a price that feels fair to you, too.
How to nurture your empathetic skills
In his book, Empathy: Why It Matters, and How to Get It, Roman Krznaric describes how for centuries our culture has framed humans as primarily egocentric beings.
We act in our self-interest (Adam Smith). We compete for survival (Darwin). We are driven by our libido and aggression (Freud).
To nurture your empathy skills, start with letting go of the idea that all humans are inherently selfish, and acknowledge that empathy is part of human nature, too. Empathy helps us build connections and friendships.
Next, start viewing your readers as unique individuals. Seeing people as individuals boosts our empathetic powers. It becomes easier to take their perspective. We can see why they’re stumbling and how we can help.
The web feels anonymous, but your readers are real.
So, don’t write emails to your email list. Don’t talk about your subscribers. Get away from worshipping visitor numbers and clicks.
Each person reading your content is one individual person. Engage. Connect. Ask questions.
Nurture your curiosity
I’ve always been interested in reading about different cultures and finding out how other people live.
In my early twenties, I was lucky to join a summer course in Taiwan.
That course rudely opened my eyes to different perspectives.
At that time, I was a naive romantic. I thought living in harmony with nature was like paradise. This was a time before the internet, email, and cell phones, but I was already feeling overwhelmed by modern urban life.
As part of the course, I went on an anthropological field trip to Orchid Island, just off Taiwan. The island is inhabited by the Tao, indigenous people who migrated to this volcanic island from an archipelago close to the Philippines about 800 years ago.
I discovered that my romantic idea of being one with nature was completely wrong.
There was boredom. Alcohol abuse. Many young people left the island to find a better lifestyle.
My perspective on the world was shattered; and it took me a long time to recover.
We don’t have to travel to nurture empathy and challenge our worldview. Research has suggested that good conversations, reading novels, and watching movies all can increase empathy.
Empathy is not a shortcut for getting rich quick
Empathy is about creating meaningful connections. About learning to understand another person’s perspective. About an intrinsic desire to be compassionate, to do good.
And, as small business owners and solo-flyers, you and I have a big advantage. We don’t have to maximize shareholder value. We can focus on what counts for us. Doing meaningful work. Making tiny ripples.
Empathy makes your work more rewarding.
Because empathy is at the core of human relationships.
And human relationships make life worth living.
Recommended reading on engaging readers:
How to write with passion
How to write with warmth and kindness
How to be inspirational
Susanna says
Henneke,
Your blog is a well of wisdom!
Who’d have thought it’s such a simple thing that’ll make your attempts to create a meaningful connection with your readers a success?
You have to want to help, not only showcase your expertise. Want to see the success of others, not only rattle off logical solutions or repeat what others have said, like a parrot. Simply, to care. This is the holy grail.
I’ve always thoroughly enjoyed your blog, a source of endless inspiration, but now I certainly have discovered my new absolute favorite article among them all. Thank you! 🙂
Henneke says
Awww, thank you, Susanna. Your comment put a smile on my face … and I’d almost forgotten about this post. I love how you summarize this: “You have to want to help, not only showcase your expertise. Want to see the success of others, not only rattle off logical solutions or repeat what others have said, like a parrot. Simply, to care.”
Wilhelm says
Hi Henneke,
Thank You so much for this amazing article about using empathy.
Henneke says
I’m glad you enjoyed it, Wilhelm.
Joseph says
What is amazing is that you can apply what you write almost immediately bringing a hook to the writing style. Most websites only show examples and support their theory with conjecture; however, your website takes subjects and presents them in small energy packets of words like protein-rich food before a workout. I plan on consuming more, your words make me hungry to write.
All the best, Joe
Henneke says
Thank you so much for your compliment, Joseph. I love giving writing advice that people can actually implement. Happy writing!
Minuca Elena says
Hi Henneke,
Wonderful post. A problem that many bloggers have, including me, is that we spend too much time analyzing our Google analytics and creating new strategies to increase our metrics, that we end up losing focus on what is important: connecting with our audience. A great way of bonding with your readers is by replying to blog comments and also connecting them on social media. Facebook groups are a great place where you can get to know people interested in your niche and find out what are their worries.
Thanks for sharing! Have a great Sunday!
Minuca
Henneke says
Yes, I used to be very focused on all the metrics, too, but I’m slowly letting go a little more. I still keep an eye on metrics, but connecting with people feels more rewarding than staring at numbers. Of course, we need a balance 🙂
Thank you for stopping by, Minuca. I appreciate it.
Susan Robinson says
Thank you Henneke, a thought provoking post. ‘News’ tends to emphasise the negatives of the human condition, but around the world there are millions of people beavering away trying to make the world a better place, displaying empathy with people they have never met, and are not likely to meet. ps: always good to see Henrietta.
Henneke says
Yes, so true. Sometimes it feels better to ignore the news for a while so we can get the right perspective on life.
Henry Truong says
I was taught that empathy is the way to wealthy last year.
But I almost forget it recently. Maybe because of lacking of practicing. And luckily, your post really revives that lesson in my mind.
Thank you so much!
Sincerely,
Henry.
Henneke says
I’d like to say empathy is a way to happiness 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed this one, Henry!
Liesje Sadonius says
Hey Henneke,
I’m super grateful for all that I’ve learned from you.
Ignore naysayers and keep doing your thing!
I love it!
X,L.
Henneke says
That’s exactly what I intend to do. 🙂
Thank you for your encouragement, Liesje. I hope you’re doing well?
Liesje Sadonius says
Yes, I’m doing great. Thanks for asking.
I’ve been learning lots over the past year and launching a new site in a few months.
Will keep you posted!
Love,
L.
Julia Yvon says
Henneke, you just don’t have any senseless blog posts. Only those crafted from a pure common sense. Applause.
What made you land on Krznaric’s book? You just stumbled accross it online or in a book store (and after you’ve read it, this post was born)? Or you were advised of it?
The companies aiming at maximizing shareholder value rather than at helping… At last somebody has the guts to say it.
P.S. Common sense and boldness to go against the “norms”. That’s why I quietly love what you do.
Moreover, here, at yours, nobody yells “Faster! Harder! Stronger!”, while cracking the whip or trying hard to sound more professional or brighter than (everyone else) he truly is. Instead, reading your posts is as pleasing as tearing the wrapper off a Christmas present and discovering underneath the super-duper classy Do It Yourself kit I craved.
Thank you for each and every word. Always. 🙂
Henneke says
Hi Julia
I wanted to write about empathy, but wondered what is empathy really; and why does writing for one specific reader make it easier to empathize? That’s why I went searching for more in-depth information on empathy and found Krznaric’s book. I enjoyed the book.
Thank you for your lovely comment. I appreciate you’re stopping by! 🙂
Julia Yvon says
Clear 🙂 Thanks!
And, Henneke, you’re very welcome! You know, not a week goes by without me returning to your blog. You instantly became my fave, but I was keeping mum.
Curtis says
Hi Henneke,
You just know. From the first email you sent when you launched your site I knew you just knew. You write from the heart. You live from the heart. You wouldn’t know any other way to do it. If you attempted slick your spirit would balk. If you tried sleazy techniques your spirit would wretch. It’s just not in you.
And how does the old owl know these things? Well, he notices word choices that Henneke makes naturally. Henneke could have entitled this post How to “Develop” Empathy … Or, How to “Create Empathy… “ Both “develop” and “create” would have been serviceable words. But, they would not have been as native to empathy as nurture.
Empathy is that part of the vulnerable human in me that sees, recognizes, sense, feels, the vulnerable human in the person who stands before me —- my reader/s Given the fragile and tender nature of empathy it requires the strength that nurturing brings in order for it to develop. The more careful the nurturing the stronger the empathy.
How to Nurture Empathy gives power to compassion. It turns the written word into a connection between people. Nurtured empathy as opposed to simply developed empathy is powerful. It builds the bridge called relationship. Deep calls unto deep. The wonder of trust appears. I’m able to bring credibility to my product. It is an extension of me. My product exists in the context of appreciation for and relationship to the other person.
Then I get to claim I am an enchanting person not a spammer and click “post comment” What can I say. Henneke knows.
Henneke says
What a poetic comment. That could only come from you, Curtis. You’re making me blush!
Have you really been following my blog from the start?
I somehow can’t believe I haven’t bored you to tears yet.
Or perhaps empathy and sense of connection do really work 🙂
Nicole says
Happy weekend too. Sunny wishes from Antigua ?☀️?
Henneke says
The sun is shining here, too. 🙂
Nicole says
Woah! Henneke, thank you for turning a tough email into a valuable business and human lesson for us. You have removed the sting by sharing.
“An empathy-based business puts its audience on center stage.” YES!!
The time NOW to put the human back into business and in “Human Resources” too 🙂
Check out the amazing Brené Brown on ‘Empathy’ and ‘Blame’ – in these 2 YouTube film shorts. Hilarious, searing truths and so human.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZWf2_2L2v8
Henneke says
“You have removed the sting by sharing.” That’s such a nice way to put it. Thank you, Nicole
And yes, we want more the human back into business and into human resources – let’s make it more about humans and less about resources 🙂
And thank you for sharing those videos. I hadn’t seen the one on blame yet, and re-watching the one on empathy was useful, too.
Happy weekend!
Julia Yvon says
Interesting what you bring here, Nicole 🙂 And congrats for winning the business. You had to deal with a client complaining about a product or a service, or with something else?
P.S. And Steve is, actually, a fine husband! Had he been back home, like, around 3 AM instead, and together with his friends…
Henneke says
It was me receiving an email from a reader who complained about an article being too commercial. I’d written about it in the email announcing this blog post, but perhaps should have included it in the post, too, so people who read the blog post but don’t get my emails understand the references in the comment section, too. This was the email:
A few weeks ago, a reader told me off.
She thought one of my posts was too commercial, too slick. As if I was advocating sleazy sales techniques.
And hopefully, you know that’s not what I stand for.
At first I was angry. Her email stung.
If I’d been empathetic and brave, I would have asked her so I could understand her viewpoint.
I feel a little embarrassed, but I didn’t ask. I didn’t reply. I couldn’t.
Have you ever felt the same?
Today’s post is about empathy. About learning to understand each other’s viewpoints, so we can do more meaningful work, craft stronger messages, and help more people.
Practicing empathy is foremost an act of being human, of building connections.
But it also makes perfect business sense. Appreciating other perspectives can even spark our creativity.
Learn more in today’s post about nurturing empathy for your readers.
Bree Brouwer says
The world needs more blog posts like this one. Thank you for writing it, Henneke, and for working to make the world a less selfish place!
Henneke says
Thank you so much, Bree. I’m glad this resonated with you 🙂
Sherman Smith says
Hey Henneke,
I use to do phone support for AT&T, a phone company that also market internet usage. It was using dialup and DSL at the time.
I can remember the trainers and supervisor use to advise us to be empathetic instead of sympathetic towards the customers that call in for tech support. I never knew the actual difference until years later.
I really like the definition you conveyed here. The goal is to connect and build rapport ultimately when it comes to empathy. Eventually this would result in improving your reputation.
Thanks for sharing! Have a good one!
Henneke says
I found it quite interesting what Krznaric said about the difference between sympathy and empathy: “Expressions of sympathy – such as pity or feeling sorry for somebody – (…) do not involve trying to understand the other person’s emotions or point of view.”
He also said this about empathy which I found an eye-opener: “Nor is empathy the same as the golden Rule, ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,’ since this assumes your own interests coincide with theirs.”
I guess your supervisor should have clearly defined what she meant with empathy, too. I didn’t quite realize what empathy really was either.
Thank you for stopping by!
Andrew M. Warner says
Hi Henneke,
Hope you’re having a great week. And really great post here.
“Don’t see your blog as a sales tool, but as an opportunity to connect; be generous” I really like that point because conventional wisdom would claim that’s exactly what a blog is. A sales tool for your business. But using it as a way to build connections and show that you truly care, holds more weight.
Truly great words throughout.
Henneke says
Yes, and of course, a blog should ultimately help your business, but if one focuses too much on the selling, it’s not going to work 🙂
Thank you for your kind words, Andrew!
Moe Poirier says
Thank you. These words make conscious something I’ve sensed but couldn’t quite describe.
“And, as small business owners and solo-flyers, you and I have a big advantage. We don’t have to maximize shareholder value. We can focus on what counts for us. Doing meaningful work. Making tiny ripples.”
The last sentence crystallized it. Again, thank you.
Henneke says
You’re most welcome, Moe. I hope it helps you market yourself in a way that feels good to you!
Katharine says
Henneke, you are making a big impression across the Internet.
Today I received an email offer from someone I suspected has been learning from you. Her offer today, was for “delicious” ideas—the more I read, the more I’m sure, now, she is one of your learners. And she is totally empathetic and generous, as you are.
In fact, I think generosity is the mark of non-sleazy marketing. I hope I always follow in your footsteps.
Thanks so much for the delineation, though, as it makes for a great self-checkpoint, to be applied as needed.
Henneke says
Your comment made me smile, Katharine!
Of course, your email marketer might have come up with words like “delicious” herself, too. It’s in all dictionaries after all 🙂
Thank you for your lovely comment.
Irina Bengtson says
“Don’t see your blog as a sales tool, but as an opportunity to connect; be generous
Don’t write to impress but to help; building your authority is a by-product of being helpful and inspirational
Don’t put short-term business goals (“we must get more subscribers”) above creating engaging experiences—why annoy web visitors with popups to satisfy your short-term business goals?
Respect your audience and give buyers the power to decide whether the product is right for him or not; don’t use pushy sales techniques”
It’s like a Bible for bloggers. Your insight into a human psychology has amazed me for long. Are you sure, you don’t have a degree in Clinical Psychology?
Great article, Henneke! I will gladly share it on my Facebook.
Henneke says
Yes, it’s true. I don’t have a degree in Clinical Psychology, but I find psychology fascinating. Understanding more about myself and others helps me be a better human being (and happier, too!).
Thank you for sharing!
Jon P says
Point well taken Henneke. And if you think about it from a sales perspective, empathy means understanding your customers’ fears and enabling them to get beyond those fears—rather than exploiting their fears to sell stuff.
Henneke says
Well put, Jon. It’s about enabling people to go beyond fears rather than exploiting those fears.
lexie says
Hi Henneke, you’re doing a great job.
I love reading your posts and always glean something helpful for myself.
It’s so sad that some people think they can say whatever online where in real life, i wonder, would this person just walk up to an entrepreneur and say that her content is “sleazy and too commercial”…
And great job at turning this sour situation into an encouraging post.
You sure have connected with me.
Henneke says
What a lovely comment!
Thank you, Lexie. (And yes, I agree, instant communication makes people think less about what they say, which can lead to some problems.)
barry says
Nothing is more annoying than landing on a site and before I even finish the headline I am being asked to sign up. An immediate click away.
A common theme among successful internet marketers is a strong desire to help others.
I wonder, can it be learned?
Henneke says
What I learned when reading about empathy is that it’s a little like musical skills. Some have more talent than others, but we can all learn how to play and instrument.
In his book Empathy, Roman Krznaric, suggests various ways improve our empathetic skills, including practising conversation, seeking experiential adventures (exploring different cultures), reading and watching movies. If you’re interested in this topic, I recommend his book.
Ben says
Very nicely said Henneke. I agree. If we work to make real connections with people then the rest of our goals will take care of themselves. If nothing else, we can come away with a new respect for people, and maybe a new friend, and only good things can come from that.
I like Steve Nelson’s 3 rules from his comment too. Very nice.
Henneke says
Yes, so true! A new respect for people, a new friend … what’s more precious than that?
Thank you for your warm-hearted comment, Ben. I appreciate it.
Steve Nelson says
Thanks Ben, they have served me well over the last 10 years 🙂
Steve Nelson says
Henneke as the saying goes; “you can’t please all the people all the time.”
Quite frankly considering we are mainly using text to communicate with all it’s communication shortcomings, it’s amazing we don’t upset more folks than we do 🙂
I have 3 rules for all communication (3 rules for everything in business for that matter)…
1: Only give out what you would like to receive – We all ‘know’ this one, but do we actually do it!
2: You can have anything you want in life – IF – You help enough other people get what they want – Zig had it on the money with this one… 🙂
3: If you are unsure what is the right course of action… See Rule 1 and 2.
These have guided me in my business over the last 10 years and always will…
Thanks as always for your honesty and integrity Henneke, you are one of the good ‘guys’… 🙂
Keep up the great work.
Steve
Henneke says
“Quite frankly considering we are mainly using text to communicate with all it’s communication shortcomings, it’s amazing we don’t upset more folks than we do”
So true! Thank you for reminding me. I tend to put the bar quite high for my writing, but I should allow myself to fall short sometimes 🙂
I like your three rules. Thank you for sharing!
Steve Nelson says
My bar is quite low Henneke due to my severe dyslexia, but that’s not my real problem.
The real problem are the filters our readers have in place before our message gets to them.
The person you originally spoke of was ‘looking’ for a commercial message in your writing long before she read it. There was probably nothing you could have said that would have changed her response. She was suffering from confirmation bias.
You can offer a free gift and one reader will say, ‘thanks, how kind’ another will respond. ‘What’s the catch’? Same gift, different response…
The human brain is full of them, and our messages have to negotiate them just to get a hearing… I realize you know all of this, but it may be news to some 🙂
Thanks again Henneke.
Laurie says
Henneke, Its all too easy to focus only on traffic when blogging. But when we consider what we can do for our readers, it has a different feel. I love thinking of a universal problem with a personal solution. I don’t always hit the bulls eye, but for me this formula has worked. Thanks for the reminder.
Henneke says
None of us can hit bull’s eye all the time! Even pro dart players can’t do that all the time – and their game seems comparatively easy to writing week in week out 😉
Thank you for stopping by again, Laurie 🙂
Amy Peacock says
This is great. I am sorry someone was so snarky with you. I think you are fabulous! It seems when you are brave to lead or put yourself out there there will always people who instantly disagree, not like you for whatever reason (oh that hair!), or go with a pre-conceived notion about you. I was actually thinking about this today driving home from carpool with some stuff that is going on locally that is causing a great divide. The instant to anger, judgement and using the word bully is so over used these days. The media also has a duty of care (search great Ted talk on this) to report two sides or investigate, but they often do not.. so they go with what fans fires ($$). Anyone that says someone is a bully or wrong or sleazy should first need step into shoes of that person. Or examine their own life. Stories, facts , confusion and loneliness may lay behind the screens. What we find could be like what Dorothy found about the Great Wizard from OZ.
Henneke says
I agree with you, so many stories, confusion and loneliness lay behind the screens. So it’s better not to judge people and not to jump to conclusions. And when possible, reach out instead.
Thank you for your warm comment, Amy. I appreciate it.
Subra Sivananthan says
Hear, Hear! The “ultra connected world” we live in now makes many of us judgemental and ready to jump to conclusions. We are swamped with news and opinions that have very little factual depth, and little perspective.
We need to digest inputs we get, especially from electronic media, with a dose of caution, and YES, reach out where we can.
Henneke says
Yes, so true. It seems that we need to have opinions about everything these days without having any knowledge about a topic. What’s wrong with saying “I don’t know”?
Thank you for stopping by to leave a comment, Subra. I appreciate it!
Kitty Kilian says
Yes. It is way better to think that way. To fill your mind with positive images of loving people. yesterday my husband lost his wallet on the train. Before we got home a fellow passenger had phoned our son to return it. Most people are quite OK.
Henneke says
Honesty does exist! 🙂
Glad your husband got his wallet back.
Mark Crosling says
Thank you for the story in your email Henneke and today’s post, which is very close to my heart. If you’re unable to empathize with someone and have an understanding of their worldview, it won’t get you very far in any sort of relationship, be it marketing or otherwise.
Weather report appreciated – enjoy the sun.
Warm regards
Mark
Henneke says
“If you’re unable to empathize with someone and have an understanding of their worldview, it won’t get you very far in any sort of relationship, be it marketing or otherwise.”
So true! In a way, marketing relationships shouldn’t be that different from other relationships. Respect. Empathy. Honesty. They all apply equally.
I enjoyed a lovely walk in the sunshine today 🙂
Singaravelu A.P says
Hi Henneke,
“And human relationships make life worth living.”
And your post is valuable and worth reading.
Henneke says
Thank you!
Ken Lim says
You’re not slick or commercial. Your’re pragmatic, trying to meet the needs of multiple readers. Your gift is practicality, coming from a big heart. Here is an empathetic article I wrote of Philippines’ Duterte, subjected to bad press.
http://www.inquisitr.com/3128136/like-lee-kuan-yew-philippines-rodrigo-duterte-reveals-self-through-humble-home/
Henneke says
Thank you for your lovely comment, Ken.
And an interesting point about presidents living in humble houses. Thank you for sharing!
Paulette says
Henneke:
An excellent reflection, our first reaction to feedback that ‘feels negative or critical is to take cover, or defend our position. Perhaps the other person’s point of view has some value, however can I learn something from this reaction? Perhaps the ‘other just needed to be heard.
Empathy and compassion go hand in hand–amore empathetic and compassionate society leads to a more peaceful and generous society. Competition and compassion are conflicting opposites as pointed out in Henri Noewen’s book ‘Compassion. After completing a book study with a few friends on this insightful book, one can’t help but seek to be more empathy and compassionate towards others.
Keep up the good work Henneke, your insight shines through your posts.
Henneke says
Yes, my first reaction was to launch an attack. I’m glad I didn’t 🙂
And you’re right. I learned from it, because even though I didn’t ask, I came to see why (I think) she was upset by my article. She interpreted my message in a different way than I had meant it. It’s a lesson on writing with clarity.
Thank you for your insightful comment, Paulette. I appreciate it!
Bart Schroeven says
Thank you once again for saying what needed to be said 🙂
Henneke says
Thank you, Bart! 🙂
Cathy Miller says
This says it all ~ The purpose of connecting with your audience is not just to craft better messages. The purpose is to compose content that’s meaningful, and to create products and services that truly help. My Pollyanna nature connects with this, Henneke. Thank you! 🙂
Henneke says
I was nervous about becoming a little too woo-woo with this topic, but I think we all have a little bit of Pollyanna in us. (I’ve never watched the movie nor read the books. I might need to add it to my to-do list 😉 )
Bamboo Ilana says
It would be great if we left the notion of being woo-woo outside and just allowed ourselves to be caring individuals in life and in business. If you notice, everything that has been woo-woo for years has been around since the time of dirt. And NOW science is proving it.
I enjoyed this post of yours and it is so valuable for those of us who might be challenged with attracting potential clients/sales without using psychological tricks. It creates space to be human in this isolating and anonymous world of the internet. Thanks.
Henneke says
You’re absolutely right about leaving the notion of being woo-woo. I’m still learning to escape from the corporate environment where empathy was often seen as a weakness, as being too nice to make ruthless business decisions.
And yes, we can be human and build a thriving business without using nasty tricks.
Thank you for adding your thoughts, Bamboo! I appreciate it 🙂
Michael Walsh says
Thank you for this insightful and heart-felt post. While we instinctively protect our self- interests, there is much more to us than that. We also seek to contribute in meaningful ways to others in our lives. You don’t have to go any further than a natural disaster to see people jumping in to support one another. However, we also do this in the normal course of life. An adult mentoring a youngster, giving someone close a helping hand, or sharing kind words with a discouraged friend — these things happen every day.
Your comments linking empathy with taking the other person’s perspective resonate deeply.
I was delighted to see you reference curiosity — one of life most powerful emotions (right behind love). To be curious, you can’t already know, and you have to be interested in finding out. This leads to the empathy you describe.
Thanks for this powerful perspective . . . a reminder to us all about how much more exists, in business and in life.
Henneke says
“You don’t have to go any further than a natural disaster to see people jumping in to support one another. However, we also do this in the normal course of life. “
That’s so true!
Thank you for your insightful comment, Michael. I appreciate it.
Kathy says
When people attack, there is usually some underlying frustration and you happen to be the outlet. If I’m able to keep this in mind, I can get get to an empathetic place, but it’s not always easy, that’s for sure. Thanks for sharing these moments, as they are learning opportunities for all of us. You are one of the most empathetic people I know! ?
Henneke says
Yes, that’s true, and I’m getting better at spotting the cases of people venting their underlying frustrations. In this case, it probably was more a matter of reading different things in the same words. We were wearing different glasses. Mine were purple-tinted, hers were blue 😉
Thank you for your lovely comment, Kathy
Virginia says
Hello Henneke,
Empathy is the beginning key to start any business. Empathy = engagement.
However, I’ve always wondered why big corps in general reached such high points lacking this skill? In addition to being selfish and making good use of being at a stronger position. I’m talking from a user point of view. What’s your opinion about this?
Henneke says
Big companies are usually pretty good at paying market research agencies to find out what customers are looking for; and then they can throw a lot of money at advertising, too. But it happens from a viewpoint of maximizing shareholder value rather than to really help people.
Also, many big businesses sell commodities, where their main focus is on increasing brand awareness to sell more. When you sell toilet paper, for instance, then I’m not sure how much you can really improve people’s lives other than dedicating part of your profits to charity and taking good care of employees, suppliers and the environment.