Have you felt that nagging doubt?
You notice how others churn out spellbinding content.
Seemingly without effort.
While you yourself seem to be slaving over your own words. Don’t you feel proud about the content you produce?
I’ve been there, too.
I never felt I had writing talent.
Writing essays and English were my worst subjects at school.
I have a competitive spirit
Whatever I do, I want to get better, go farther, do more.
Getting back on my bike? I want to cycle up a higher hill than last year.
Starting a business? I want to earn more than I did in my last job.
Publishing a new slide deck? I want it to be better than the previous.
Sure, I’ve read the advice about embracing our imperfections.
- Anne Lamott warns us perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people
- Brian Eno tells us that perfection is characterless
- Ann Handley encourages us to be flawsome
Our imperfections make us unique and human in a world of pixels and polished perfection.
But let’s be honest …
Do we accept the advice of being imperfect? Or do we fear looking amateurish? Are we scared of being ridiculed because of silly mistakes?
My first trick to deal with perfectionism
To avoid endless umming and ahhing, I’ve enforced strict deadlines and accountability.
A few weeks before I launched the Enchanting Marketing website, for instance, I told everyone on my email list when my website would go live. I worked like crazy to meet my deadline. Because not meeting an agreed deadline seemed even worse than launching a slightly imperfect website.
When I launched the website, I didn’t have a hire me page (I still don’t have one!), my about page sucked, and you could find other minor flaws. My rather ridiculous fear of looking like an amateur kept me tossing and turning all night. But I launched my site.
To develop my blogging course, I employed a similar trick. I invited three readers for a test drive. While my guinea pigs were working on the first module, I developed the second, and so on. It was the only way to finish such a big project.
This accountability method works.
But it does have a downside. Grappling with fear and pushing through the perfection barrier is pretty exhausting.
Does another way exist?
What publishing silly sketches has taught me
18 months ago I joined a drawing course.
I hadn’t drawn since I was a kid. But I was fascinated by the idea of creating my own blog illustrations, and I was sick of clichéd stock photography.
6 months after starting my course, I published my first drawing. I remember it well. The evening before publication, I tried to perfect the drawing. Henrietta’s nose wasn’t pointing in the right direction, her finger was odd, or the laptop perspective was wrong. I drew 7 or 8 versions before giving up.
The drawing would never be perfect.
Drawing has taught me to accept imperfection. Instead of worrying about mistakes and looking silly, I started to enjoy drawing. I started to play. I experimented and learned.
Imperfection didn’t matter any more.
And that realization quietly seeped into other parts of my life. It has helped me drop my shiny mask of the perfect business woman. I’ve told you about my self-doubt, my stress, my fear of being boring.
And I sense that sharing my imperfections is what’s bringing me closer to you.
Does perfection create a certain distance? Does imperfection resonate stronger than a shiny tutorial on writing?
The art of embracing imperfection
Have you ever looked up in an old church?
And noticed the light playing with the colors of the stained glass?
Shimmering and shiny, the colors seem perfect and pure.
But you know what?
The stained glass is in fact uneven. And the colors sparkle because of impurities in the color mix.
Weird, isn’t it?
How to become a better writer
The secret to embracing imperfection and becoming a better writer is to play.
Instead of worrying about being amateurish, enjoy the process of writing. Have fun. Play.
Play is a state of mind, rather than an activity. Remember the definition of play: an absorbing, apparently purposeless activity that provides enjoyment and a suspension of self-consciousness and sense of time. It is also self-motivating and makes you want to do it again.
~ Stuart Brown
Writing is playing with words and rhythm.
Experiment when metaphors. Try telling a story. Explore the power of words. Have a childlike curiosity, and go on an adventure to discover new techniques.
Playing is critical to being happy.
Embrace your inner child.
Recommended reading on overcoming perfectionism:
The magic of shitty first drafts
A crazy girl’s guide to outsmarting writer’s block
An open letter to anyone who feels their writing isn’t good enough
I am constantly being criticised for all the ‘playing’ I do on my PC. It used to bother me, as I thought it meant I wasn’t getting anywhere.
Thank you for reinstating my confidence…
Enjoy playing, Anita! It’s an essential part of the creative process for me.
Oh, I know you are right, but oh, how difficult to face up to it! I am currently teaching a course I wrote probably 15 years ago, and have presented at least four times, and THIS time around, although I was sure it was perfected, I have found not only places where added content is needed, but also EVEN a typo! ARRGH!
So humiliating. Whew!
And when I go over old blog posts? Yep. More mistakes. Big ones. The kind that get wavy red lines, and I did not even see those lines the last time I edited.
There even is a book out there with my work in it, and on one page the editor has inserted a mistake. Sometimes I can find it; other times I cannot. How infuriating! I know there is a mistake there and even I cannot notice it sometimes!!!
Is there ANY hope! Ha!
But why do we think a typo is so humiliating? You’ve forgiven me my typos and other mistakes, right? I have even had typos in subject lines and once sent an empty message to part of my list! And, amazingly, I have survived. Nobody was upset apart from me.
YES! I forgive you because I love your work and because I know you are typing in English as a second language. I’ve sent Jeff G. edtis before and he got a bit ticked at me. I just thought he’d like to know so he could correct, but evidently he liked it wrong? Ha!
But what about people who know I claim to be a writer and an English pro? People who do not really know me will balk at mistakes and click off to the next thing on their minds. Won’t they?
Again a great article, thanks Henneke, and reminder to be who we are, a product in the making, an evolution. We’re perfect whole and complete as we are, striving to become better, yet we have to rememember that or we choke ourselves in an absurd quest for perfection. Life is a game indeed, let’s all play and be happy; let’s do our best to remain kids at heart.
A good book to read perhaps is “The game of life and how to play it” by Florence Scovel Shinn.
BTW I’m just wondering: who determines what is perfect? Me, only me, and in that I am my own worst enemy. Read chapter 1, the Domestication and the Dream of the Planet in The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
Yes, I agree with you. We’re often our own worst enemies. We look at others and see what they do well. And then we look at ourselves, and see what we don’t do so well. Time to be proud of what we’re achieving.
I’ll check out the book you recommend. Thank you.
You did a good job nailing imperfection right on the head, Henneke. Yes, I often battle the fear that I suck and constantly aim for perfection. Recently, I learned from Jeff Goins that art is never finished, but getting on a good road to run with that idea has been tiresome. I hate to fail, so I fret much, and I fail. I hate to publish content that look thrown together, pine over that, and eventually publish a few sloppy junks anyway (or so I think). So, yes, like Dave LeBlanc, this article describes me. Thanks for the nudge, as I hope to keep myself hooked to your blog till my writing becomes “seductive” too.
Yes, that’s so true – art is never finished, and we can always improve, so we have to force ourselves to publish and move on to our next blog post, our next drawing, our next project.
Thank you for stopping by, Yusuff.
You did a fine job of describing me here. It’s amazing, though, the things I fuss and fume over don’t seem to matter to so many others, and things I pay scant attention do seem to matter.
Someday, I will figure out why. Maybe.
I’m sure you’ll figure it out!
And yes, you’re right – you do want to avoid irritating your readers with imperfections.
Henneke,
I couldn’t agree more. Blogging is the perfect place for imperfect writing, in my opinion, because it’s so much less formal than most of the other writing we do. Readers want to feel like they’re talking to a trusted friend, not reading a textbook.
That’s why your blog is so great to read. I really get a feel for your personality and I love your playful style. So glad I found you here!
Brittany
Yes, I like how you put that – blogging is more like a conversation with a trusted friend. Definitely not a boring textbook!
Thank you so much for your kind words, Brittany. I appreciate you’re stopping by!
I so agree with you Henneke!
In Japan there’s a concept called wabi sabi. It accepts imperfection. (Actually it’s more a practice than a belief.) It’s the notion of accepting the slightly imperfect, handmade and handforged; recognising that the wonkiness of asymmetry and irregularity are attributes of beauty.
A lovely, creative way to live 🙂 *damn, I keep forgetting that*
Just checking out the Wikipedia page on wabi sabi. Fascinating! Thank you for sharing.
And yes, I know – why do we keep forgetting this?
So good to see you again, Di! 🙂
Hi Henneke,
Another excellent post. The more I read your writing the better I seem to know and understand you.
I noticed that most creative people are multifaceted and multitalented.
It feels good to be able to say that I am so inclined myself.
Like your drawing seems to improve your writing, my digital painting which actually involves using a graphic pen, combined with my 4.5 decades of photography has moved my art sense many levels higher. I know how take better photographs and see images in light that was not easily visible before.
I try drawing too, after all my childhood hero’s Michelangelo, Da Vinci, Rembrandt, Van Gogh and more recently Picasso also practiced multiple skills and it made their art more complete.
I like to write too. I am a better story teller than a short blogger, so it may take a while until my tale is told.
Meanwhile I continue to play with Photoshop and other media, My cameras, and with unconventional views of subjects. Lately as I live in a fairly dry, rain free city for most of the year, the monsoons and puddles all over are giving me a host of reflections at different times of day.
I am playing with reflections now. They give me great photos, digital art and some fantastic macro photos too.
Needless to add all this wide spread creative juice, leaves great holes in my time schedules, and regularity. If there is one thing in the world that I am really regular and regularly imperfect is in my irregularities. Does that make sense?
I am like a irregular heart beat, but my heart is beating all the time.
Thanks for the lovely talk on imperfection. I also am very strict when it comes to punctuality so with all the irregularity in-between, the final product is always on time.
Thanks,
Nick
Hi Henneke,
Thanks so much, I often find myself struggling with this. One thing I’ve realised (and keep reminding myself) is that people rarely judge my work as harshly as I do. They tend to look past minor flaws if the main idea grabs them.
P.S. Your pictures are great – a refreshing change from stock photos.
Yes, that’s an excellent point. We’re often our worst critics. We “enlarge” minor flaws that other people don’t even notice.
Thank you! 🙂
Thanks, Henneke.
This is exactly what I needed to read right now.
I’m curious – which drawing course did you join?
I did a previous version of the Da Vinci course: http://www.psychotactics.com/davinci/
Glad you enjoyed the post!
Thanks, Henneke,
I’ve emailed Renuka to put me on the waiting list for next year’s course.
Thank you for sharing that! Thank you for being you.
When you show us a glimpse of the personal you, it’s real and authentic.
Showing the human behind the professional is advice you hear quite often of course. But when a lot of your colleagues do it, it just feels a little bit too slick and contrived to me. A clever sales technique. I never have that with you. Which is one of the reasons I value your advice more 😉
Having fun at what you do is important no matter what your job is. Be it writing or laying bricks. I always tell people that if they’re not having fun in their job maybe they should start looking for something else. Of course there will always be rainy days, but if your work doesn’t align with your passion you’re setting yourself up for a lot of unhappiness.
Love the discrete splash of colours in this week’s drawing by the way!
I wonder why it is that so many professionals come across as too slick when they try to show their human side. Is it because their writing still smells of marketese?
And yes, having fun is important no matter what your job is. What often seems to happen, is that the fun slowly disappears. And because this is such a gradual process, you don’t notice it; and that’s how you get stuck in a rut. That’s what happened to me a few years ago. At work I would wear my shiny mask of Happy Henneke. I felt like I was doing role play all day, leaving me totally exhausted. So yes, we always need to find ways to have fun and to play.
PS I love the connection you make between colors and letting love flow in your post!
Hi Henneke,
Did our inner children play together last night? If you have been in the Forum you know what I mean with this question,.
Reading your post today made me laugh out loud.
Love you see you on the Forum
Yes, I think our inner children had fun together in the last few days.
And laughing is good for us, too! 😀
Hi Henneke,
Really great post here. The stuff you were mentioning about using guinea pigs to “motivate” yourself to get things done is interesting. I did something similar and while it was a great push to get the project done, it also helped me accept that things don’t have to be perfect.
There so many things on my site that’s far from perfect and I accept that. The worse thing a person can be, if they’re running a business, is to be a perfectionist.
Also, regarding the drawings, I like them. And I like the reasoning behind wanting to do your own drawings … stock photos are such a headache. Trying to find one that’s unique and so on. Makes perfect sense to just create your own image.
Perhaps something I’ll be doing in the future.
Anyway, great post and overall great lesson.
– Andrew
Glad to hear this method helped you getting projects done, too. We all have to find ways to work around fear and procrastination, don’t we? I still found time to iron out the worst imperfections before selling my course 🙂
Thank you for your kind words about my drawings. I can highly recommend drawing – it’s a great way to relax and play 🙂
Good to see you again, Andrew.
Hi Henneke:
I thought it was a great article. Earlier, in a former life, I found play a necessary part of getting things done. In this former life, I was a computer engineer. I found the best way to debug a software program was to play with it. The more play, the better the program turned out.
Now, in this life, I’m a writer (with one published book), writing mostly in the speculative fiction field. But writing, also includes a lot of play. Since it’s November, I’m taking part in Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month), to produce a first draft of a novel. This draft will be longer and shorter than the first draft. Some chapters will be longer, some shorter, all will be rewritten. Along the way I hope to learn: how to have my characters express emotions without using the word for that emotion, how to place the reader in the setting using minimum description, and how to make my characters appear so human you want to touch them. Play is a learning experience. Learn to play. Do it every day. Take care, Barbara Bates
Yes, I can see that play helps with debugging a software program…
And I agree with you – writing involves a lot of play.
Writing a novel sounds like a major challenge to me – hope you’ll find time to play and aren’t fazed by the challenge. Good luck with Nanowrimo. I admire you!
Vulnerability is so powerful in business. I think most successful entrepreneurs understand that relate-ability and likeability are even more powerful than authority. And that’s why I think it’s really important to embrace your flaws.
On a related note, one of my favorite quotes is: “A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people” (Thomas Mann).
The perfectionist in me finds it hard to hit the publish button, but you have to summon the courage to just release your thoughts into the world. 🙂
Lovely post as always, Henneke!
Yes, authority is a little boring, isn’t it?
I love that quote from Thomas Mann! I didn’t know it – thank you for sharing 🙂
Henneke
I signed up for your snackable tips and enjoyed every morsel! This blog post resonated in me as I am new to freelance writing and have doubt occasionally. The more validation I get, however, does cripple any doubts I have.
I’m impressed by your blog community! I’m trying to grow mine too!
I’m so glad to hear you enjoyed your snacks!
For me, self-doubt has never really gone away. I’m still nervous when I take on a new client (or when I launch something new), but I’ve learned to manage my self-doubt better. I recognize it and find a way to work around it more often.
And yep, I’m really lucky with my enchanting commenters. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
Oh, this is a great topic. I always preach it to my clients which helps me preach it to myself.
The deadline. It’s really hard for me to impose it on myself. But I really have to. I’ve taken my site down relaunch it with a different focus and I’ve gotten to the point where I think that’s the only thing that’ll make it go live – if I set a deadline.
I love your references too.
Have a good week 🙂
Yes, I find imposing deadlines on myself hard, too. I need some outside accountability to make it really work. When I promise a client (or my blog readers!), then I won’t miss a deadline, but if it’s just an agreement with myself, it’s far more difficult.
Can you make an agreement with a friend who will hold you accountable? You could even promise to take them out for dinner or donate $100 to charity if you don’t make the deadline.
Thank you for stopping by, Orit.
I love this post, as I think embracing imperfection is thinly way to go. Which doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try to improve. But I think your connection with your drawing was a brilliant one. As someone who learned to draw, paint and write in my 30’s , I appreciate both the idea of learning the skill rather than it being innate, but more importantly , its the process that’s the important aspect of it all. Have some fun, enjoy what you are doing and the results will come. So we may not end up being in MOMA but hey we will have had a fun meditative experience that you can put up on your own wall even if you don’t want it seen in public. Be open and you will learn. Thank you
Yes, I so agree with you – be open, have fun, and you’ll learn. Well said!
I learned to write and draw in my 40’s so you were well ahead of me 🙂
Thank you for stopping by again. I appreciate it!
Hi Henneke:
when you studied to draw, did you know the 20-hour rule of learning anything new? there is very good book about it, and it really helps speed up learning new things.
The most important lessons from the book is to focus practicing on the primary, core, critical skills that form the foundation of a more general skill concept.
What do you think are the primary, core skills in writing? maybe it will become an idea for one of your future blog post?
BTW, i am not a native English speaker, so forgive me if there are grammar errors and I admire your seamless mastery of English.
Wish you all the best!
Sophie
That sounds really interesting, Sophie. I hadn’t heard about the 20-hour rule (I just googled it quickly).
And a great idea for another blog post! Apart from a basic understanding of grammar and spelling rules (which I don’t find very interesting), the absolute core skills are probably empathy (so you can write content your reader wants to read), choosing the right words, cutting wordiness, and creating rhythm and flow (but the latter has more to do with clarity of thought than pure writing skills). I’ll add it to my list.
Don’t apologize for your English! It’s great!
Thank you for stopping by 🙂
Great post – you sound like me. I have two baking courses and a fermentation course to get online by January . I need to relax if I am going to enjoy the process- love the word ‘flawsome’
Yes, it’s a great word, isn’t it? Awesome because of our flaws 🙂
Good luck with developing your courses – try finding time to be playful now and then!
Another excellent post. Hah! “The mask of the perfect business woman” – oh how I can relate to that phrase…
Instead of creating illustrations I’ve taken up finger painting! Messier and more tactile.
I shall show you some of my imperfect creations in a little while…:)
Do you also wear that same shiny mask? 😉
I’d love to see what you’re creating with finger painting! You’re braver than I am, messing around with my rather safe colored pencils 😉
I totally agree. I just renewed my own message to potential clients: dare to be yourself online. But I’m a bit worried, too. Showing vulnerability and imperfection seems to be hot these days. Marketeers all over the world advise us to tell our own story, be authentic, show your own struggles, etc. And I do, in my blogposts. But is it enough to let your writing stand out in a crowded marketplace?
Haha, a perfect example of self-doubt, my comment :-).
Yes, like you I’m allergic to buzzwords, and when all marketers start saying we need to be authentic, I feel the temptation to say: No!
But I do think maintaining a perfectly polished image becomes a little boring after a while. Perhaps a dash of imperfection might even make us a little more credible?
By the way, I don’t think we need to be totally authentic – we can choose which parts of ourselves we show and which parts we hide. I try to keep the grumbling and moaning Henneke away from the web 🙂
Perfectly polished isn’t my cup of tea anyway.
I certainly think that imperfection makes us more credible. Human. When I turn to someone for help or advice, I would find it very intimidating when that person is completely flawless.
I love the word flawsome by the way!
(and now I’m off writing a new, imperfect blogpost 🙂 )
Love it!!
Thanks Henneke
Thank you, Liesje 🙂
Oh boy, struggling with self doubt and second guessing myself as a writer is what I’ve been doing for the past four years. Been tempted many times to just throw in the towel. I’m aware that everything I do is imperfect, yet the dread that it will be criticized, rejected or ridiculed is always there. I guess imperfection and I should become better friends.
I do envy you, Henneke – in a good way of course 🙂 – for how well you write. Also, love the way you use your own drawings to illustrate your posts. And thanks for your nudge in this post. Rock on!
How can someone who published on the Huffington Post doubt her writing skills? We’re all irrational beings, aren’t we?
I’m glad you haven’t thrown in the towel, Anca, and that you’ve had the courage to publish despite all your fears.
I like your suggestion of becoming better friends with imperfection. That’s such a nice way to say it. Happy writing!
Thanks so much for your kind words, Henneke! Means a lot.
This is great Henneke. I often feel like this about my writing, as I always strive for perfection as well.
I get hung up on details, write, rewrite and write again and it never feels any closer.
I guess doing your best is what counts, and putting in effort we get better and closer to that mark.
This is a great reminder that we should forget perfection – I’ll settle for progress instead 🙂
Paul
Yes, settling for progress is a great point – look at some early writing and notice how you’ve improved. Celebrate your progress.
When you’re too focused on perfection, you get cramped. But when you enjoy the process of polishing your writing, it’s easier to become better. And it’s more fun!
Thank you for stopping by again, Paul.
You’re right. I do this a lot and it feels great, boost my confidence and lets me try even harder next time. I do enjoy the process a lot more these days which is all one can ask for.
My pleasure, anytime 😀
Thanks a lot
I’m in doubt all the time
It’s natural to doubt ourselves. Publishing our content—whether it’s a drawing or a blog post—is scary. It requires courage because it makes us feel vulnerable.
Don’t give up!
I agree, Henneke. And having fun is a good way of letting your mind discover new possibilities, too. I wrote a blog post about playfulness as a problem-solving technique … http://alisonbeere.com/2014/problem-solving-techniques-let-your-mind-play/
I love your point about the stained glass windows in a church – I had never thought of it like that 🙂
Yes, I agree. Playfulness helps to discover new possibilities. That’s how we learn. Stuart Brown’s book Play (which is interesting) has as subtitle: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul.
Did you click to read the article about colors and stained glass? I think you’ll like it: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/why-colors-you-see-art-museum-cant-be-replicated-today-180953332/
Good to see you again!
Yes, I read it. fascinating! How did you stumble across that piece?
This was interesting: “Even the purest and brightest natural colors like madder-root orange are actually blends of many colors when viewed under the microscope: yellow, red, even blue and white.” – but when I thought about it, it did not surprise me because in watercolours one realises that ‘real life’ colours are made up of many parts…
Thanks for a great post again 🙂
colours.
I think it was included in Buffer‘s recommendations – I like to scan through to see whether anything catches my attention. I’m just starting to learn that real life colors are made up of of many parts…
Thank you for the Smithsonian article. I saw the Mona Lisa on display in New York a few years ago. Once I found myself in front of the painting, I stayed and stayed and stayed. When I walked away I went back. I was mesmerized by it then and am now just thinking about it. The article you sited help me understand why.
The world of color is fascinating, isn’t it?
I think that imperfection is what differentiates us from one another.
Like when you “steal” from writers by copying them. You can never “steal” perfectly. And as you previously wrote that’s how you develop your unique voice.
Each person is differently imperfect. And that’s what defines who you are.
Yes, you’re absolutely right – each person is differently imperfect.
Imperfection is wonderful, because it makes us human, it shapes our character. But it can also make us feel vulnerable.
Thank you for stopping by!
This is definitely something I struggle with. I’m starting to put material out there a bit more but I have still been putting off my initial email to prospects within my network until I get my website “perfect,” which it will never be. Thanks, Henneke!
You’re right. It’ll never be perfect, but it doesn’t matter.
And the beauty about working online is that it’s easy to correct a typo, change a color, or make some other updates.
Go for it, Mark!
Excellent blog post. Now you inspired me to make my own drawings, too, but I went here to read more about becoming a better writer, because that’s something I’m always striving towards.
Funny, your conclusion… A few weeks back I wrote a mail for my auto-responder sequence about how to make writing fun.
And that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? To make it an enjoyable profession.
Yes, and when you enjoy writing, you don’t mind putting in the hours to further improve your writing. 🙂
I highly recommend learning how to draw – I’m convinced that learning how to draw makes me a better writer, too. There’s something special about capturing an idea or a feeling in a sketch.
Here’s to having fun with our writing! 🙂