Do you ever read something and think … wow!
And then, do you wonder … why is this writing so good?
It happened to me recently.
I was reading a book about fish.
And it was unputdownable.
Yes, really. I didn’t want to go to bed because I wanted to keep reading and learn more about fish.
Shall I explain?
How to keep readers hooked
In his book The Eloquence of the Sardine, Bill François uses vivid imagery to show us what it’s like to be a fish.
For instance, in the second chapter of the book, François lets us listen to the sounds of the sea. Rock lobsters “play the violin with their antennae”, shellfish play percussion, and the seahorse plays the xylophone “by scratching its neck with the bony ridges on the back of its head.”
The descriptions are so vivid that I imagine myself swimming amid the lobsters, listening to the shellfish, and spotting the seahorse playing music. A true symphonic orchestra … under water.
I had no idea that fish could be so fascinating.
But there’s more …
A brilliant explanation
François explains how whales communicate with each other over a long distance.
Here’s how that explanation starts:
Although whale songs are seldom clearly distinguishable to the naked ear, they account for a substantial portion of the sea’s underwater ambient noise, and can be heard through the entire ocean. That’s because whales, eager to talk to each other across the vast expanse of the sea, know how to make themselves heard from very far away. They’ve developed their own underwater long-distance telephone network.
I used to think that an explanation means talking through or writing down how something works, and doing so step by step. But that’s underestimating the art of explaining.
First, you have to hook your reader. In the paragraph above, François makes us curious by describing the problem first: Whales want to communicate across the oceans. But how? The metaphor of a long-distance telephone network adds a dollop of intrigue. I was curious to read on.
The telephone network can’t be explained in one or two sentences. So, François first explains how it relies on pressure and temperature:
The whales’ telephone package-deal simply works by means of pressure and temperature.
Next, François explains how the change in temperature creates the thermocline:
There are two layers of water in the sea: surface waters heated by the sun, and deeper, colder waters. At the thermocline, the interface between these two zones, the temperature drops abruptly. You may have unknowingly noticed this when your foot dipped into one of these ‘cold currents’, near the seabed, while you were out for a swim. In the high seas the phenomenon is even more pronounced. Water temperature suddenly drops by almost forty degrees in a few dozen fathoms of depth.
As a reader, at this stage, you may have an inkling that the telephone network isn’t simple. But François explains the thermocline in simple language and relates it to a common experience of coming across a cold current in the sea. Even if you’ve never experienced that, it’s easy to imagine.
We now understand that the whales’ telephone network is related to the thermocline—the area in the seas where the temperature drops quickly between the warm surface water and the deep, cold water.
Next, it’s time to explain how sound travels along this thermocline:
This boundary between hot and cold water traps sound. Sound rising towards the surface will ricochet off the warmer waters, where the elevated temperature accelerates its propagation and bends its trajectory back into the depths. As it descends, sound rebounds off the deeper waters, which are at a much higher pressure, and is further accelerated and sent back up towards the surface. Sound is thus imprisoned between masses of water along the thermocline.
The physics of the thermocline may be complicated but François explains it vividly. I can visualize the sounds bouncing up and down in this corridor and traveling into the distance.
Now, it’s finally time to turn back to the whales:
When whales sing directly into this sound canal at the boundary between cold and warm waters, their voices ricochet along the thermocline and therefore travel outwards in a straight line, without straying or fading, for thousands of miles, in exactly the same way that light travels when trapped inside a fibre-optic cable.
Lastly, the explanation ends with a clincher sentence, returning to the metaphor of a telephone network:
The fin whales of the Mediterranean use this telephone network, known as the SOFAR or deep sound channel, to serenade each other and arrange meetings from distances of more than 1,200 miles.
Do you imagine for a second being a whale, too, and phoning up a friend? Isn’t that wonderful?
How to explain clearly
The explanation of the telephone network follows a simple, common story arc:
- Whales have a problem: How can they communicate long distance with each other? It’s this problem that hooks readers and make them interested in learning more.
- The solution to the problem is the telephone network, which is explained step by step:
- The telephone network relies on the difference in pressure between the cold and warm water (the thermocline).
- Sound travels along the thermocline by bouncing up and down.
- Whales communicate by singing into the thermocline.
- The whales are happy with their telephone network because they can serenade each other and arrange meetings from distances of more than 1,200 miles.
This story arc is common in business writing. A blog post explains a problem, and then shows how to solve it. A sales page explains a problem, and then tells us how a product or service will help solve that problem.
When readers implement the tips in a blog post or buy a product, they end up happy like those whales phoning up their friends to plan dinner parties.
It’s a happy story arc where problems are solved.
But there is more …
A good explanation isn’t just about hooking a reader, following a story arc, and explaining step by step.
François dives into the world of fish to gain such a deep understanding that he can explain it to us simply and vividly.
It’s clear that he loves discovering and sharing stories about fish. His passion shines through his words.
And there’s also the joy of language.
François might be writing non-fiction but he writes like a poet—a poet who loves words and takes care to sketch vivid imagery to engage his readers. His writing is like an impressionist painting.
How to captivate your audience
To write a good explanation, you require more than a few writing skills.
Teachers who captivate attention combine a passion for their subject, a love of language, and a sense of generosity—an eagerness to share knowledge, skills, and stories.
There’s a joy in sharing what you love and what fascinates you.
So, follow your curiosity, dig deeper, and write from the heart.
Happy writing!
PS
Thank you to copywriter Phil LeMaster for the excellent book recommendation.
Recommended reading on how to explain clearly:
The zoom-in-zoom-out technique for vivid explanations
5 ways to simplify complex ideas
How to make abstract topics concrete
Hi Henneke,
I loved this article, I really liked the way you structured your article, and I can’t believe the inspiration you got from the book. Even before you went on to explain the findings, I was hooked, and the insights you shared about keeping readers hooked, I was already hooked. Also, the explanation was amazing as well. I really hope your tips will help me improve my engagement during the writing and keep my readers hooked to read my articles till the end.
Thank you so much for your lovely compliment, John. I felt so inspired by this book. I highly recommend it.
Happy writing!
Amazing. I never knew. And we think unpacking our containers full of plastic junk are more important than saving sealife…
It’s amazing, isn’t it? I keep thinking of whales serenading each other. And it’s been weeks since I’ve read this book. And yes, let’s hope we can save sealife.
You’re a wordsmith, Henneke. Nice read.
I admire your way of explaining things. So concise and fun to read.
I wonder how I can awaken the giant within and read lots of books like you. I’ve been lazy off late. Any secrets?
Thank you for your compliment, Deniz. I think what helps me read more is to only read what I enjoy reading. I used to think that I had to finish each book I started reading. But now, if I don’t like a book, I don’t persist reading it. I just read something else. Life’s too short to be reading books that can’t captivate my attention.
A wonderful and informative post as usual. You know, I bought and read the book ’10 minutes and 38 seconds in this strange world’ by Elif Shafak as recommended by you.
She is also a vivid storyteller and master in using metaphors. Learned a lot from her.
Thanks for the recommendation.
I think I will buy this book too. 🙂
I’m glad you’re enjoying my book recommendations. I just read Elif Shafak’s most recent book: “The Island of Missing Trees.” It was excellent, too.
Happy reading, and thank you for stopping by, Subhankar.
I’m currently taking a memoir writing course by the Canadian author Alison Wearing. In it she talks about many things – your article reminds me to “show don’t tell” and use sensory details. Thanks!
I hope you’re enjoying Alison Wearing’s course!
This is a really nice post Henneke.
As Russian writer Anton Chekhov said, “Don’t tell me the moon is shining. Show me the glint of light on broken glass.”
Storytelling, vividness, sensory words, all paint a picture in the reader’s mind and make a blog post so much better.
That’s a lovely summary! Thanks so much for stopping by, Yash. I’m glad you enjoyed this. Happy writing!
Hi Henneke, I want to read about fish now too! What an amazing piece of writing. The part about the second chapter reminds me of “The Little Mermaid” that Disney first produced in 1989! (Had to add the date because I can’t quite wrap my head around the fact that it has been 32 years)
SharlaAnn
Time flies, doesn’t it? 1989 seems so close and yet so far away.
I’m glad you enjoyed Francois’ writing, too! Thank you for stopping by, SharlaAnn.
Great analysis, Henneke.
It’s a reminder of something I’ve learned to use in my writing. Some people call it carnality. I call it “sensual” writing. Here’s how it works.
Use descriptions that trigger your senses – taste, smell, touch, sound, and seeing. That, coupled with using familiar concepts, make it easy and enjoyable to read about complex subjects. It takes a lot of thought and work to write this way, but it’s worth it.
I see a lot of that in Francois’ writing. It’s why his article is so enjoyable and engaging.
Yes, yes, yes! It’s also called sensory writing or painting images with words. Imagery doesn’t just refer to visual details, you can also paint auditory, tactile and other sensory imagery.
It’s hard work to write like this but it’s worth it because you can pull readers into a different world and let them experience your writing. Our brains process sensory words as if we actually hear the sea orchestra, as if we taste the salty, barbecued, lemony sardine.
“Yeah! This is totally a book Henneke would love!”
“Shhhh!”
Yep, I got the stink-eye and finger in front of her mask from the guardian of new non-fiction titles.
But what a delicious treasure from the sea!
I couldn’t put it down either. It kinda ruined me for awhile. I sank into a funk when I realized there was no more. Done. Finished. Crushed with depression and cravings. Like a junkie going through withdrawals until they can score their next fix.
This book is soooo good on so many levels from cocktail party ice-breaking lines like,
“Did you know that dolphins many just have different
regional accents?”
To inspiration for creating art that can be the result from the grind of actually writing.
Simple. Plant your butt in chair. Think detention.
Pick topic. What you did last summer.
Go! Don’t stop until you’ve paid your debt to society!
Now, tough love from “editor”.
All your hard work. Straight to the circular file. No approval. No comment. Not even a look.
But don’t give up and someday your way of
Expressing Interesting Ideas Clearly
may just keep people up way past their bedtime.
Seriously one of the coolest reads, well, ever.
O.K. Gotta go. I’m starting to sweat and twitch. Luckily I have not just one, but two new hits that I just started. It’s early on in both relationships but so far it’s nothing but fireworks.
Seriously, checkout, (No pun intended.) ,
“The Storyteller: Tales of Life and Music,”-Dave Grohl
and “Taste: My Life Through Food,”-Stanley Tucci.
Thank You so much for teaching me (Us) how to read and write so I (We) can enjoy a richer life.
I’m also reading a food memoir right now: Tiny Moons: A Year of Eating in Shanghai by Nina Mingya Powles. It’s a good read and very sensory, too. I might be biased because I’ve traveled a lot in China in my younger years and always loved sampling the food—so many different tastes, so many different aromas. It brings back many happy memories.
I’ve added your two recommendations to my reading list. Thank you so much, Phil.
Oh, and yes, I agree with you that this type of writing is hard. Lots of editing. But it’s worth it.
Great post.
Thank you, Donna. Happy writing!
Very Good Henneke. Thank you for this post.
I pick up the way the author captivate the audience by starting first with the problem befor diving into technical stuff of phone network.
That really took my attention. I am going to try that in my sales pages.
Nice job Henneke and take care
Juvenal
Yes, it works for sales pages, too. Thank you for stopping by, Juvenal.
It’s thanks to you my writing skills have greatly improved since I discovered you. I always look forward to the tips that you send on the email. Keep up the good work!
Thank you, Joel. Happy writing!
Hi Henneke. Today’s post is wonderful. Thanks for yet another brilliant example of brilliant writing, and I appreciate your writing and your stewardship. All my best!
Thanks so much, Greg. I appreciate your lovely comment.
Hi Henneke, I’m working on this but boy I have my work cut out for me. I love your example here and it really makes me think and inspires me to do more. I like writing the how-to’s but the storytelling part is still hard for me.
Thank you. I will save this one for sure.
I felt so inspired by this book, too. It made me want to write 🙂
Hi Henneke,
I was stuck up with a similar problem, as to how to explain a symbol in a unique style like fiction writers do, with a little poetic touch, clarity,
and precision. And lo! the next minute I received your mail.
Thank you so much!
Grace and blessings to all.
How wonderful. What a perfect timing! Happy writing, Rajashree.
By the way, in the morning I had read Hemmingway’s passage from his famous award winning book –The Old man and the Sea. That was about a fish too!
I am fascinated by his mastery over writing and the way he conveyed a general truth about the difference in the nature of a male and a female fish through that passage, hooking the heart of the reader, just like the fisherman does.
“He remembered the time he had hooked one of a pair of marlin. The male fish always let the female fish feed first and the hooked fish, the female, made a wild, panic-stricken, despairing fight that soon exhausted her, and all the time the male had stayed with her, crossing the line and circling with her on the surface.
He had stayed so close that the old man was afraid he would cut the line with his tail which was sharp as a scythe and almost of that size and shape. When the old man had gaffed her and clubbed her, holding the rapier bill with its sandpaper edge and clubbing her across the top of her head until her colour turned to a colour almost like the backing of mirrors, and then, with the boy’s aid, hoisted her aboard, the male fish had stayed by the side of the boat.
https://www.thegentlemansjournal.com/article/5-ernest-hemingway-passages-every-gentleman-know/
The climax is in the 3rd paragraph. Must read.
Thank you for sharing, Rajashree. I love The Old Man and the Sea. I now feel like re-reading it!
What a great example, Henneke! And what a great post, too. Fascinating to learn why this explanation works so well and how its framework applies to business writing. And equally fascinating to learn about the whales’ 1200-mile telephone network. You really do feel like you can picture it from the description. Amazing!
I felt so inspired by this book. I loved his writing and I learned so much. And I keep picturing the whales using old fashioned dial phones to call each other up. 😂
henneke…..
ineens staat uwer schrijfkunst …..
in het nederlands op mijn monitor!
blij je in moerstaal te lezen
sinds enige (>4jr) lees ik uwer geschriften
trouw 🙂
lovit
thx
met empathische knuffel
emile
Is dat Google Translate? Ik schrijf nog steeds in het Engels.
I’m glad you’re enjoying my writing! 🙂