How has 2019 been for you?
In the last few years, it’s become my habit to write a personal review at the end of the year.
And rather than ask myself what I’ve achieved, I like to consider what I’ve learned.
I’m less interested in achievements.
Perhaps because I never quite achieve in a year what I planned. Or perhaps because achievements are so fleeting. Achievements are often the outward signs of success, and, for me, they’re rarely a real measure of personal success and happiness.
As David Cain wrote last week, “most accomplishments are invisible.”
So, what have I learned this year?
As I was pondering this question over the last few weeks, my mind turned to gratitude.
I used to feel a strong antipathy against practicing gratitude.
Of course, the principle of gratitude is beautiful. But, to my irreverent self, gratitude felt like misplaced or insincere piousness—as if we have to be grateful for the bad things that happen to us. I resisted that idea. Misfortune should be fought against.
A few years ago, as I was struggling to recover from a traumatic car crash, I realized you can’t always fight against misfortune, and I decided to give gratitude a try. I purchased The 5-Minute Journal and every morning, I wrote down 3 things I was grateful for.
I’ve never been a journal writer, but I thought I could crack this simple exercise and science suggested it would make me happier.
As written in The Five-Minute Journal:
A 2003 study by Emmons and McCullough found that keeping a daily gratitude journal leads to better sleep, reductions of physical pain, a greater sense of well-being, and a better ability to handle change.
(Wow!)
I diligently kept my journal for a few months.
But resistance slowly built up.
And one day, a flash of insight hit me while walking in the woods. It wasn’t a good day. My body was hurting. I was feeling exhausted. The sky was grey, and I kept repeating to myself the things I should be grateful for. Could life not be a whole lot worse?
I suddenly realized how much I hated the whole gratitude thing. It was a failure. It wasn’t working for me.
The problem was that the exercise had turned into observing what I thought I should be grateful for.
But I didn’t feel that gratitude, and trying to make myself more grateful actually made me more miserable.
So, I rebelled.
I quit my gratitude journal
But I kept practicing mindfulness.
And over the years of practicing mindfulness, I discovered a better, more subtle version of gratitude.
I learned that gratitude lives in the moment. It’s an experience. It does not flourish in a few words written down in a journal.
When I come home after a cold walk in the rain, I open the door, and a feeling of warmth flows through my soul. No matter how angry the storms outdoors, a feeling of safety embraces me. That’s when I feel grateful.
Or in the morning, I make my first cup of tea and I watch the tits at the feeders, a robin perched on a rock smugly observing the scene, while our family of sparrows is fluttering back and forth. That’s when I feel thankful to be alive.
Or sipping a cup of herbal tea and letting its warmth comfort me. Nestling in the coziness of a duvet. Reading a book and having an unexpected sense of connection with the author. The sense of lightness and freedom when cycling. Finishing a piece of writing. A hug. A kiss. An embrace. The feeling of being worthy of love. A good conversation with a friend. Feeling understood and appreciated. That one moment during meditation, months ago, when my body and mind at last are quiet, and I feel at peace.
Gratitude often lives in the small moments, rather than in big achievements. And over time, the everyday moments of gratitude have made me more contented with my life. It’s not a magic pill. It’s a lifelong practice.
2019 was a difficult year for me
My energy plummeted to a new low. After 5 years of chronic pain and fatigue, my mental health was suffering. I needed to use my precious energy to take care of myself. My business staggered on, while I was barely working two hours a day. On top of all that, the increasingly negative rhetoric on migrants like me made me feel unwelcome in the country I’ve called home for over 17 years.
But I found that a feeling of gratitude can co-exist with feelings of sadness, anger, or despair.
I can feel unmoored by Brexit but I can still nurture the feeling of being at home. I can despair that I don’t know how to live in my body anymore. Still, I can listen to my body, feel a little more at ease in my skin, and be grateful for how hard my body is working to heal.
I used to think I had to fight feelings of anger, sadness, pain, exhaustion, or disappointment. Am I not supposed to be optimistic? To get as much out of life as I possibly can?
Yet, I found that fighting only makes negative feelings grow. Instead, I can let my sadness be and let it co-exist with sparks of joy, peace, and love.
Looking back on 2019, it’s easy to be negative. My business has gone downhill. There are no notable achievements.
But I have achieved something more precious
I have learned to be more patient with myself. To get less frustrated by what I can’t do, and to enjoy what I can do more.
I’ve learned to savor what is here, to be more content, to be more at home with myself, to be more grateful.
Gratefulness appears when we stop trying so hard, when we’re quiet, when we listen, when we’re in the moment.
Thank you for reading, my friend. I’ll be back in the new year, hopefully with a more regular publishing schedule.
Happy holidays!
This is wonderful and recommendable. We all have our stories to tell but Henneke your story is on another level. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Thank you for your lovely compliment, Bunni.
Beautiful! What a wonderful realization to choose gratefulness over pre-occupying our minds with the pressures around us.
Thank you for sharing this. I’d love to read more of your writings.
I’m glad you enjoyed this, Mary Ann. I’m still practicing gratefulness (in the moment), and I’m still getting better at it. It helps a lot.
You melted me with these words Henneke: “When I come home after a cold walk in the rain, I open the door, and a feeling of warmth flows through my soul.”
Beautiful.
Like a relaxing piece of music, some things can simply slow ones heartbeat ?
A warm and welcoming home is so precious—especially these days when we’re all staying so much at home.
I hope you and yours are staying safe and well, Mark. Thank you for stopping by.
Wow! I loved reading about gratitude and your experience. How beautifully you boiled down to live in the moment. We all know it is important to be grateful. At times we forget to slow down and observe the beauty around, that’s where your post comes in and reminds us to be present at the moment.
Much love!
Khushboo.
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Khushboo. I’m glad this post resonated with you.
Hi Henneke,
Thanks so much for sharing your valuable thoughts on gratitude and life. So beautiful.
I realized something about gratitude in 2019 too. Like you were to gratitude, I was to visualization; I just couldn’t manifest it. But one day, I felt gratitude for what was yet to be and it filled my being and I saw it too. So, the whole attraction thing, I believe, comes with feeling gratitude deep within for what we want and feel we deserve.
I want you to feel gratitude for your improved health and well being. Be open to the guidance it brings you.
You helped me so much in 2019 so it is funny how you say it was not a successful year for your business. What you were able to share was priceless.
What I learned in 2019 was how to listen better. Listening changes everything. It has helped me personally, spiritually, in relationships and with my writing.
I was so sure my writing was special; which it is, but not to the point that I shouldn’t listen and grow. I spent time reading/listening, investing in improving my writing skills with books and courses and actually accepting critical feedback. So, I am experiencing growth as a person and writer.
You are a part of that growth. From you I am learning so much about storytelling and I am very touched, as an artist, by your raw artistic expressions that have so much depth in their simplicity.
I pray for your continual healing and that you continue to share at whatever frequency you are able. I look forward to your course and for your many insights that enrich my life. Sincerely, Thank You Henneke.
Thank you so much, Andrea, for stopping by and sharing your experience on gratitude, too.
Listening has always been important to me but I’ve tended to listen more to others than to myself (to what my heart tells me and to what my body tells me). But I’ve been learning to listen to myself over the last few years. Like with gratitude, I get a little better every year.
It warms my heart to know that my writing has helped you become a better storyteller. Thank you.
Heartfelt and sincere, thank-you. And as far as I am concerned you are more than welcome in the UK 🙂
Thank you, Chris. I appreciate that. 🙂
Bonjour Henneke,
Je suis émerveillé par vos écrits, je lis votre blog pour la toute première fois mais je remarque que vous faites du bon travail.
Courage et félicitations à vous.
Merci beaucoup, Cyrille!
Thanks for sharing your feelings and thoughts. I understand them so well.
After lot of pain, disappointments and ingratitude, I turned to God. It’s been a wonderful and amazing journey. He is the best father someone could have. His love and mercy made me feel special
and sometimes made me wonder if I really deserved all his kindness. This love is accesible to everyone but often times is left behind for human proudness.
All the best for you,
Vanessa
I’m glad that you’ve found your way (just like I’ve found mine) to feel more grateful.
We all deserve kindness and love no matter how broken or lonely we feel.
All the best to you, too, Vanessa!
Hi Henneke, I love this post. Sure 2019 has been a bad year for you, it has for me too. A thoroughly squitchy, exhausting, worthless year. It has felt like I’ve been wading through treacle.
But now we’re in 2020, and I feel a change coming on. Something crisper, cleaner, full of hope. (You always need to be positive in the New Year.)
I hope you also feel this too. And I look forward to reading more of your excellent posts whenever you write them.
I’m sorry that 2019 has been a bad year for you. I know the feeling of wading through treacle.
I’m glad to read 2020 got off to a good start for you and that you’re feeling full of hope again. I hope that your year (and this decade!) continues on this more positive track!
I’ll be back with a new blog post soon. 🙂
Found your blog today while researching how to write in a conversational style for my upcoming book on travel, my first.
Your words have inspired me. Please know that your work matters.
Best,
John
Thank you so much, John. I feel humbled that you’re stopping by on your first visit here to leave a comment. Good luck with your book!
I love this article, Henneke, and thank you so much for sharing your vulnerable self with us. I am so grateful for you and your work in the world. And so happy you listen to your inner guidance and take care of you. May the new year, new decade be the best ever for you. In every way possible.
Thank you so much for your lovely comment and encouragement, Melissa. I much appreciate it. May the new decade bring you joy, happiness, love, and lots of creativity!
Hey Henneke, thank you for sharing your story. Everybody has their own struggles and stories. But we have to overcome all the problems in life and continue struggling.
Yes, I didn’t mean to imply that I was the only one struggling. We all have our own challenges, and by sharing our stories we can connect with each other.
I don’t have words to describe… I don’t know why I’m in tears after reading this… I feel so connected as I can hear your voice from these words.
Lots of love from India.
Thank you so much for stopping by to comment, Sandhya. Sending lots of love to you, all the way from England to India. ?
Wonderful article. I’m an attorney and work with a lot of startups and early-stage companies that seem to always be just on the brink of failure. Staying in the moment and working through problems systematically is absolutely essential to maintain homeostasis both personally and professionally.
Keep up the good work.
Yes, I can see that—staying in the moment and being aware of the things that are going well already and the assets you have both personally and as a startup.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Abe. I appreciate it.
Wow, Loving this honest display of vulnerability. For some reason, I always assume that people with large followings (blogs, social media..) have it all figured out. Thank you for normalizing the challenges you spoke about. It only makes our own pains more acceptable and conquerable.
Quite often what you see online is only the show reel with people’s best stories and successes. But everyone stumbles around, too. You just don’t hear about it. I find it’s often the stories where people share their vulnerabilities that are most worthwhile. It’s what makes us human and it’s what connects us all.
Thank you for stopping by, Luis. I appreciate it. ?
Thanks Henneke,
For sharing your despairs and struggles with your readers. Often I imagine that successful bloggers are living the dream but you made me realize that all humans, whatever they pursue, go through their share of disappointments and despair.
I hope you emerge stronger to guide novice writers like me who have the discovered the joy of writing through your blog.
Thank you.
We’re all just humans and our struggles are often surprisingly similar. And yes, I’ll be back because I love sharing my joy of writing and connecting with readers and writers like you. Thank you for stopping by. ?
Yes Henneke, this is why we should intend to move away from being fully invested in a worldly life towards seeking peace, comfort and acceptance, within. Of course we will want money and things on some level. But all that stuff flows easily to use when we feel genuinely grateful AND when we ignore the illusions of fear and its chaotic offspring around us.
I spend 3 to 4 hours managing my energy daily for a good reason 😉 Meditating, doing Kriya yoga, doing yin yoga and power walking daily move me away from fear and chaos toward love and gratitude.
Excellent post.
Ryan
It sounds like you’ve found the right way to manage your energy, Ryan. That’s very precious! ?
Thank you Henneke for sharing your story.
I wish you a happy new year, and iam looking for more beautiful writing from you.
Thank you, Chooki. I’ll be back in the new year! Wishing you a joyful 2020.
Hen,
You make me laugh – at myself. I left my first comment just after I read your post. Wanted to add something and could not find it. So started scrolling down. Only then did I pay attention to the scroll bar. Twelve millimetres (sic) of about 300 millimetres!
As I persisted several things came to mind. You retaught me an old lesson. To turn on myself right where I sit, eyes inwards to the mind between my ears. See what I have. Try! It works!
Brings to mind that you have at least three things to be thankful for;
1. You.
2. Your sense of humor. Love your self-cartoons!!
This is an immense power in your life.
3. Your writing talent. Leads to this.
4. Your amazing following of wonderful people.
About 120+ Page Down taps to see it all. Wow!!
5. Dumping the official gratitude thing.
“Thank you” is good. Any time of day for anything.
Doing the shield thing again, you are in winter now. Life will get on with itself in its own good time. Much benefit in waiting and patient reflection.
Saw a TED talk by Shonda Rhimes. She says she is a Titan.
Reminds me of someone I know.
On breathing. Learn to breathe with your stomach, not your chest. Slow, easy in and out. Flat on your back. Watch clouds. Perfect, never boring.
On spelling.
Read The Famous Five series by Dame Enid Blyton which gifted me with my English. Decide on your own style of spelling and keep to it. And Do Not Blink On That. You cannot satisfy most of the people most of the time.
Happiness,
Christo.
Yes, writing and my community here are definitely things I feel grateful for. I was afraid to lose this connection with readers when I was writing less. But here I am, getting more comments on a blog posts than I have ever had before! Now I know I don’t need to be afraid and can go forward at a pace that works for me. ?
Here’s one I learned decades ago. I could never understand and hated the advice that there is always an open door for every closed one. Someday something happened and I decided to use that as the trigger to look for the open door instead of going through MY closed door. Miracles!
A while later I came across the Chinese insight that what you miss is just the other side of the same shield. Visit a castle to get the meaning of that one, but it is the same thing. It gave me added perspective on the matter.
Your misfortunes are those you view as misfortunes. Pain is one of the most important blessings you can have. It is an alarm system telling you there is something wrong in your body.
Release it and say thank you to your body for telling you that and that you will tend your body better. After a while you will find that 99% of the pain is result of you resisting it. Pain is a symptom, not a thing in itself. To see, like some do, how much your can endure or fight it is just plain dumb.
Download a copy of the Desiderata – yes, I know some say it is corny – then savour every little passage and use it to slow yourself down. Think and use your imagination to see how those fit into your life overall. Make habit of daily writing what you feel, see and understand anew, issues, problems, anything. As is, attend every little matter in honesty with yourself. Get the ding! in your mind. I do usually in the morning. Massive clarity kickstarter to the day.
That reminds me. I have to give in to the lesson to Start Now! in writing my book.
Peace.
Yes, pain is a warning signal and resisting it can make it worse. Denying or ignoring it can make it also worse for me. But what I can do is let the pain just be and detach the emotions from it so pain becomes just pain without the suffering, and without the stress and worry. It’s not easy but I am getting better at it every year.
And yes, I have learned a lot from being in pain and having to live at a much slower pace.
Thank you for sharing your experience, Christo. I appreciate it.
Hen, I’m just plain dumb. forgot all about it, but Ryan reminded me of this. Meet this truly amazing woman doctor, Dr Kelly Brogan. Positively glowing with health, but make time and read her story.
https://kellybroganmd.com/start-here/
She now says she’s a woman on a mission and she truly is;
https://kellybroganmd.com/mission/?utm_source=Kelly+Brogan+MD+Newsletter&utm_campaign=c9930f5443-Our+Mission&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_d0f977a8c5-c9930f5443-125321555
Get well again. And I will put down USD 10 million, which I do not have, but you wíll lose the bet anyway; after healing – whatever you do – you will be better than ever in life and in writing.
If you say you can, or you say you can’t, you’re right. -Henry Ford.
Go girl!! Life’s looking up!
Thank you for sharing, Christo. And I don’t need to wait until my muscles have healed, my autonomic nervous system has stabilized and I can breathe properly again. In many ways, I am already a better human being than before the accident. ?
Thank you for a wonderful article.
I like the phrase : Gratitude often lives in the small moments, rather than in big achievement- it’s so true. We can not really feel gratitude on demand.
For you I wish you all the best in 2020!
Looking forward to your next article :=)
Yes, so true: We can’t feel grateful on demand. But somehow when we practice, we start to find more moments of gratitude. Wishing you a joyful 2020, too! ?
Go Henneke,
Allways look forward to your present attitude! Amazed, Tom
Thank you, Tom. I’ll do my best!
Hello henneke,
I appreciate you and your work, your style. It’s authentic. You are the only writer that I follow after trying many others.
Believe it or not, my browser has at least 4 to 5 tabs of “enchantingmarketing” on the top bar ready for quick reference.
Always look forward to your mails.
I wish you all the best for 2020! Cheers !!
Thank you so much for your generous compliment, Rajashree. It humbles me.
Wishing you a joyful and creative 2020!
No question about it. I´ve been a fan since 2018, of you and everything you write. There´s something about your words that keep chasing my heart.
Thank you Henneke, for your effort and patience. I hope you the best, for your business next year.
I finish with your words, I trully believe:
“Gratefulness appears when we stop trying so hard, when we’re quiet, when we listen, when we’re in the moment”.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Thank you so much for your kind words, Fran. Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, too!
Hi Henneke,
Life can feel like a forced march sometimes, but remember we mostly control the steps thus the path, and where it leads.
I hope you find peace over this Holiday Season.
Merry Christmas.
(Looking forward to your next post, whenever it feels right to write)
And yes, even when we stumble or crawl, we are still creating our own path even if it’s perhaps different from what we had imagined. I am learning a lot about myself and what’s important to me. So the path may turn out better!
Merry Christmas to you, and thank you for your kind words.
Hello Henneke,
I am sorry to hear you’ve had a tough year healthwise that has impacted on your business too. I had wondered where you’d disappeared in the last few months. Judging from the response here, it seems that you were sorely missed.
I’ve admired you from afar and like Elfin, I watched all your videos on the Online Teachers’ Summit. They were extremely helpful in giving more focus.
I moved to the UK in 1985 to attend university. I am a foreigner/migrant although I am now a British citizen. Until 2016, I’d always been proud of the UK and the welcome it extended to others. But the world has changed for me. It’s got harder and harder to accept that half the population want people like me to leave despite having contributed for over 30 years. For the first time, I feel unwanted. However, it’s not much easier elsewhere like in Italy (where my mother is from) where the wave of populism has taken hold.
Your thoughts on Brexit are strongly shared.
Oh, and by the way, gratitude journals don’t do anything for me either!
I am so glad you found the Online Teacher Summit useful. I had been afraid we were trying to cover too much!
I have been surprised how much Brexit has affected me in the last few months. I thought I had practiced “not taking things personally” well enough in the last few years but the negative discourse still hit me. I keep hoping it will calm down and maybe more people will be more welcoming towards migrants again.
I have missed being on Instagram (and I have missed drawing) and I hope to be back next year!
Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your experience. We’re not alone ?
Henneke:
It’s certainly okay to have a pity party for yourself. I’ve done it many times. Though, not staying there for more than a day is advisable.
Continue to be grateful for what you can do and what you do have!
I’ve had years when my business plummeted. Being on a roller coaster is normal. According to physics, what goes down also comes up, and visa versa.
This might be a time to reflect differently on your business.
Check out a new book by Steve Lowell “Deep Thought Strategy.”
I think you’ll like it!
Happy holidays and wishing all good things for 2020
Thank you for the book recommendation, Susan. I checked it out and the description sounds quite interesting!
I’m confident that my business will be back on the up again next year. I believe I have a good foundation to build on. I just have to accept that things are moving slowly 🙂
Wishing you happy holidays and a joyful and creative 2020. ?
Loved reading your thoughts! So profouand and poignant. I hope 2020 finds you new insights and better days!
Thank you so much, Lillian. Wishing you a joyful, peaceful and creative 2020!
Thank you for sharing. Your heartfelt honesty is refreshing. I haven’t had the best year either…. I wish you more inner knowing and self-appreciation in the year to come. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much, Stacy. Wishing you a new year full of moments of joy and self-appreciation ?
As always, dear Henneke, your writing touches our hearts. You can interpret well our feelings and express them in the best ways.
Being grateful for the small things we have and we can achieve is the best way to connect with our soul.
Thanks for your precious words.
Yes, that’s so true: that being grateful for the small things is the best way to connect with our soul. I hadn’t thought about it like that, but it’s so true. Thank you, Maurizio. Your comment warms my heart. ?
I had wondered what happened when I stopped receiving your newsletters. Happy to learn that you’re in good health.
I have imbibed the habit of being thankful and grateful, more for the small blessings like good health that I take for granted, but also for the big blessings like great clients who put food on the table.
If you’re social media, seeing the great things others are achieving, it’s hard to be content. But, when you look back on you’re a journey, you’ll realize that you’ve come so far, further than you thought.
This life is not a race, there is no finish line.
We only enjoy living when we realise this.
Yes, that’s so true: life is not a race, there is no finish line. We all have to walk our own path.
Thank you so much for stopping by, Chima. Wishing you a happy new year full of writing joy!
You would be welcome in Ireland, Henneke ? No harking back to a lost empire here?
Thank you, Terry. That cheers me up 🙂 I still got my Dutch passport (which I’m very grateful for), so I know I can escape if required. 😉
Awesome piece Henneke ?. Sorry to hear about the Brexit issue.
I’m praying that you may continue to enjoying your stay in your current country!
It’s true- sadness should be left to coexist with joy and all the good things that come with life.
Nowadays I strive to take life as it is. Sometimes I feel so high, on other days I’m always so low (oh my)?.
I hope you’re coming out strong in 2020. ?? for your fans who are always anticipating to get some nuggets of wisdom from you.
Btw, how’s the going? It’s been long since I got a Twitter notification you have posted. Or are you currently active on Linked In?
Off to share!
Best,
Antony
I’ve not been active on LinkedIn recently but still posting on Twitter (the only social media platform I’m still semi-active on). If you want to be sure not to miss out on new blog posts, it’s best to get on my email list. I think you’re already on it, right?
I actually have received confirmation of my “settled status” in the UK so I have permission to remain if I want to!
Thank you for stopping by to leave a comment. Wishing you a joyful 2020 with lots of writing inspiration.
Henneke,
Thank you for such an honest and insightful post. The world seems hell-bent on telling us to be ever busier or to strive for more but learning is far more profound than a fleeting achievement.
As someone who’s had a chronic disease for nearly 16 years, I suspect I can relate to your struggle. I don’t know if it helps, but please know you’re not alone. And I’m sorry this country has made you feel like that, it’s unrecognisable to many of us at the moment.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a very happy 2020!
Sally
I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with a chronic disease for so long. I suspect there are a lot more of us dealing with such issues—often we just don’t know.
I know that a lot of Brits are unhappy with the current situation, too, and I appreciate your kindness.
Wishing you a restful Christmas and a joyful new year! Thanks so much for stopping by.
Cheers to a new decade with increasing health, love and happiness. Thanks for sharing this wonderful and insightful real story with us, I can relate in every paragraph. Brexit is also affecting me in ways I hadn’t predicted, I’m glad you spoke about that too. I am sending lots of strength your way, let’s face this new decade as a white piece of paper (the thick and softer kind) in which to write wonderful stories.
Virginia
I had thought I’d built up enough resilience in the past three years and had learned not to take Brexit personally. So, I was also surprised how difficult this year felt.
And yes, it’ll be not just a new year but a new decade as we’re entering the twenties. An opportunity for a fresh start. Wishing you a restorative break and a joyful new decade full of inspiration and love. ?
Henneke, thanks for teaching me finally how to practice gratitude. I too struggle with keeping a gratitude journal for the very same reasons you mentioned. Thanks for giving a voice and name to those feelings that have every right to exist.
I’m sorry 2019 has been difficult for you in every sense. This was the year when you were so brave as to join the Online Teacher summit and it was a great thing to do, given that language teachers are not considered a financially interesting market.
As I tap this away at the café and come from a very difficult week, health-wise and for other reasons, this post was simply the right one to read.
Wishing you the best of everything.
I’ve been happily surprised how many people have commented here that they also struggled with keeping a gratitude journal. I’m glad I’m not alone!
I like taking business decisions by balancing both heart and mind, and I decided to join the Online Teacher summit purely based on my heart—because I like Veronika and Elena and I knew already a few language teachers who I liked (like you!) so I thought it was a good opportunity to connect. I also liked how the summit was set up. There was no financial gain and that was okay for me. Business isn’t always about the money.
I don’t know about you, but I know that for many people December is a difficult month, feeling disconnected in the festive cheer. If that’s you, please take good care of yourself. You’re not alone.
Wishing you a restorative break and a joyful 2020.
Thank you for stopping by again. ?
Dear Henneke,thank you for this honest and personal feelings.I am your student for this writing class.Wishing you a happy 2020.
Thank you, AO. Wishing you a joyful 2020, too!
Hi I’m Santhosh Paulose
2019 for me good and bad year for me . This year my second has son born that’s my happiness. Financially I have huge trouble this year, work place like hell I’m unable to enjoy my job and no learning & no time for myself.
I’m sorry that 2019 was financially such a difficult year for you. Let’s hope 2020 will be better!
And congratulations on your second son. I hope you’ll experience many joyful moments watching him grow.
It’s really a worthy feeling for me to read each word of you! I love your blog and I follow your advices in writing, like the desert drinks the rain with pleasure, my dear! I wish you have a great new year, coming to decorate your creativity with a garden of new ideas and lovely articles, as always you do to help and teach all of us, who like to write, also! Greetings from Greece with kisses and hugs!
Thank you so much for your kind comment, Marya. You warm my heart. Sending a hug back to Greece ?
Gratefulness appears when we stop trying so hard, when we’re quiet, when we listen, when we’re in the moment. – This resonates with me.
Thanks for the beautiful post and sharing about your personal journey.
Best wishes for a joyous and wondrous 2020, Henneke!
Thank you so much, Leena. I’m glad that resonated with you. I feel so strongly about it, too.
Wishing you a joyous and wondrous 2020, too!
Hello Henneke!
This was such a beautiful post. I found you only this year and yet reading this felt like having a heart to heart conversation with someone I actually knew.
You are inspiring and I am thankful for your post.
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Aejal. It was written as a heart to heart conversation with a friend. I love that you used that phrase!
Hello Henneke,
I also struggle with this problem of having only 2 hours a day to work. Dad with 2 kids.
But in the last few month something wonderful happened to me. I used to have also physical pain and chronic fatigue.
But I found a solution that works for me and I feel like I’m rejuvenating. I tried many many ways to eat healthy food. But there is so many bad information about nutrition, that it’s possible even for a smart person to get confused, or choose something that seems good but harms you.
I don’t really know the details about what causes your pain. But for me, it was 100% linked to nutrition. Veganism got me sick and sucked all the energy out of my body.
What cured me was eating the way humans are supposed to eat.
There are 2 resources that I would recommend to anyone: http://www.thepediet.com/ and https://roguehealthandfitness.com/.
Please check-out P.D Mangan’s research on the harm done by iron.
It’s so tough having only two hours to work!
I’m glad to hear you’ve found a solution for your pain and fatigue. Thank you for sharing your story and the links. Wishing you a healthy and joyful 2020!
Oh wow. Thank you so much for this. I thought I was the only one who hated the whole journaling ‘gratitude’ thing. Like you, it just made me feel bad! However I can totally relate to those ‘in the moment’ experiences that make life living.
2019 has been a crap year for many people and I’m sorry to hear you are among that number. However, although may feel as if you’ve not achieved much, your blog, your books and your insight have made a huge difference to my thinking (and business) and for that I’m grateful.
I hope 2020 is kinder to you, and everyone else who had a bit of a bashing in 2019!
It seems that there are a few of us who can’t do this gratitude journaling thing! It makes me feel better that I’m not alone.
Thank you for reminding me that my blog and books are still here serving people (even if I’ve been publishing less). I’m glad that they’ve made a difference to you.
Wishing you a happy new year full of creativity and many joyful moments!
Hey,
Yeah, it was a really eye opener for me to read your BIG letter. Never mind I did really enjoy it, though it was not a direct point.
Thanks for sharing your experience and the feeling.
Keep me in your prayers and may the BABY JESUS keep you safe and sound and happy always.
Thank you, Kumar.
2019 has been a tough year to endure. through all the ups and downs i still feel disconnected from things; that nothing is truly real. I think i’m embarking on a dark night of the soul. my journaling has turned to reflections and prayers to combat a deep sadness that’s always seemed to follow me like a close companion. my writing has turned to poetry. Yet I feel positive about what might be coming and becoming grateful for the wounds that deeply affect me. I write, therefore, I shall become something new and authentic. Thx for the article. I’ll use it as an opportunity to heal. I wish you well.
Thank you, John. I am sorry that 2019 has been a tough year for you, but it sounds like you are starting to see a flicker of light and a glimmer of hope for the future. Wishing you a more joyful 2020!
Hi Henneke,
I’ve enjoyed every one of your blog posts. Thank you for your commitment!
Over the last year and a half or so, I’ve been spooling up to start my own blog. And with a lot of inspiration from you, I finally got it up. So thanks again for that.
Each Monday, I’ll post a new topic in one of two categories. One will be on pistol competition, and the other will be on living, or: “how I learned to live from what I learned by competing.”
Since I’ve noticed you have an increasing interest in mindfulness, the second Category of blog posts my be of interest.
https://brianenos.com/what-is-always-present/
Thanks one more time!
Regards,
Brian Enos
Thank you so much, Brian, I’m glad you’ve enjoyed my blog posts and you’ve felt inspired to start your blog. Congratulations!
And what an interesting combination of topics: pistol competition and living.
Happy holidays, and best wishes for a new year full of blogging joy.
Thank you for writing this. Lovely, thoughtful and full of wisdom.
Thank you, Kathy. ?
It may seem there are no notable achievements, right now, but the content of your posts portends a future of infinite possibilities.
I hope you don’t mind me sharing what I see.
At this juncture, you’re realizing many things. The gratitude journal insight is an example of your arrival on deeper and richer levels of experiencing.
You’re getting ready to share new solutions which will change the way people build meaning into their businesses.
This deeper wisdom and understanding of our connection to one another will exponentially change your marketing in ways you can’t imagine. I think 2020 will bring great things and more innovative ways in marketing and promotion of businesses.
There is a big change on the horizon. By chance, have you seen Wayne Dyer’s movie or read his book about The Shift?
You seem to be positioned for recalibration and integration of your personal and business goals and unique ways of doing business that align with where you are in your journey.
Your “purple cow” if you will, will be further enriched as you touch the hearts and your vibratory attraction brings new people in your space.
Thank you Henneke for all that you’ve done in this space. I look forward to what’s coming and wish the best for you as well.
I didn’t mean to sound negative about my business. While my income has dipped, I know I’ve built a very good foundation over the years and once I’m able to launch my revamped courses, my business will look completely different again. This is why I’m still blogging and continuing on my path. The future will be brighter!
I haven’t read The Shift. I’ll check it out! Thank you for the tip.
Thank you so much for stopping by today, Sandy. Wishing you happy holidays and a joyful 2020!
Dear Henneke,
Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts.
I am a migrant too, I am from Venezuela and I live in Italy.
The other day, on my way back to Milan I was thinking that I cannot call this place home yet. I am not fluent in the language yet, therefore, I do not have a formal job, I barely have friends. But I have to admit I am lucky enough to have a place to rest, to eat and to live. I should be grateful for that. Your text has definitely convinced me to start a grateful period, the same as I did with patience and resilience.
Your story today is a beautiful gift, it touched my heart, my soul and my spirit. Thank you! I will take the gratitude journey very seriously.
Let’s enjoy and live every single day as it were the last.
Happy Holidays!
Emilia
Migration can be uprooting and language can be a real barrier. So I don’t think you *should* be grateful for a place to rest, to eat and to live. It takes time to feel at home, to grow roots, to feel connected to a place.
In the past, I’ve never felt the need to grow roots and I thought my home was simply where my bed was, but I’ve come to realize that we need more than that. Even if it’s just a favorite bench in a park or a friendly neighbor.
I hope you’ll be able to grow some roots and feel more at home next year! Thank you so much for stopping by.
A nice piece to end the year.
“I have learned to be more patient with myself”.
That’s what I am doing at the moment.
Thanks and happy Holiday. Henneke
Thank you, Siver. Happy Holidays to you, too!
Dearest Henneke, sad to hear of your physical challenges, but there is always hope for improvement. I too had a tough time this year, as my body was ageing and I had no ears to hear the complaints. I honour my body always have looked after it, I thought and I was probably right. There was no mercy coming from me toward the pains that turned up I simply ignored them and of course, they had to simply become harder and more aggressive until I realized how much my body had allowed me to do, there were never any limits. I do love my body but it was maybe just a little too much tough love.
I’m sorry you had such a tough time, Annamarie.
When we’ve always ignored our bodies (and our pains), it’s hard to start listening and force ourselves to slow down. But I’ve found it’s a worthwhile process and in the end we’ll be better off for listening and respecting our limits.
I’m grateful for all your encouragement through the years (thank you!) and wish you a joyful 2020.
Dear Henneke, thank you for this honest and vulnerable post! I relate to this a lot, except that I have been practicing gratitude (in the form of daily before-bed prayer) for years now, but only recently I started realizing the connection between gratitude and serotonin. For all the metaphoric essence of gratitude, serotonin is quite physical and can obviously be nicely felt from one little moment to another! 🙂
I didn’t know about the connection between gratitude and serotonin. That sounds good and clarifies why it can indeed make us feel better. Thank you for sharing.
Merry Christmas, Henneke. I wish that New year will bring you pain relief and more energy to create.
Thank you for this article – it makes so much sense (had the same journey with The Gratitude journal).
Always happy to read your articles. Your wisdom extends far beyond the art of writing.
Merry Christmas to you, too, Irina. So interesting that you had the same experience with the gratitude journal. It seems there are a few of us here who couldn’t make it work. I’m glad it’s not just me!
Thank you Henneke for another inspiring and evergreen post.
I hope you’re feeling stronger. I know what it’s like to claw back from a serious physical setback. Being told to get my affairs in order less than 6-months to live terminal cancer stuff. Twice in three years.
I agree that Vikto E. Frankle’s, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” is a must read.
Hikes,bikes and swims no matter how long or short, are awesome. Especially if you were told you’d never walk again.
Writing, drawing, all creative pursuits are mood and life boosters.
Journals. I like to call them brain dumps. No wrong answers. And no rules. No 3-pages 1st thing in the a.m. No 3 things you’re grateful for that day, ect.
Make it your personal sandbox where you pick the toys and games. Unlined sketchbooks are best. Drawing is cool.
And screw, “Well, you could have it worse.”
How about it could, and I think I should work to make it better.
So learn from the past, both good and bad.
It’s O.K. to be pissed in the present if you’re using that to motivate yourself to learn how to create a better future.
That’s actually living in the moment isn’t it?
“Anger can be power. As long as you can use it.”-The Clash?
You wrote about an unexpected sense of connection with an author. I had that last night reading essays from, “I Wrote This Book Because I Love You,” by Tim Kreider. He was expressing disappointment with politicians in charge of us that you wouldn’t trust to cat sit.
Timely .Timeless. Unfortunately.
My main complaint, I mean compliment, about your posts are that they are too short. While still sending me down numerous rabbit holes of intrigue.
Thanks Again and Happy Holidays
I’m so sorry to hear about your terminal cancer diagnoses. That is so cruel!
I love your approach to screw the idea of “Well, you could have it worse” and instead to focus on how to create a better future.
It sounds like you’re on the way up and defying the prognosis? I hope I haven’t interpreted that wrongly. I’m sending you my best wishes for healing and for a joyful 2020.
(But please don’t make me write longer posts! 🙂 )
Hi Henneke,
I’ve dealt with chronic pain for years and have accepted that it’s a given in my life. Some days are worse than others and I can commiserate how it sabotages energy, motivation, and sense of well-being. But I refuse to let it dog me down and mush on with whatever success I can generate. I’m gleeful on the days I accomplish some significant progress in the plus column.
What I’ve learned this year is how to create eye-catching headlines and subheads and how to write more successful pitches to editors.
Best wishes to you for a more promising 2020!
Diane, freelance writer
Yes, that’s what I’m trying to remind myself of every day, too—to celebrate the small steps forward and enjoy what I can do, such as going out for a walk.
I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with chronic pain for years, too, Diane.
Wishing you a joyful 2020!
Dear Henneke,
Not only have you taught me much about writing this year, you also touch me with your story today.
My greatest lesson this year was how life unfolds itself in waves: the feelings and thoughts, the moments of gratitude and those of dread, its experiences and the moments all makes sense. That indeed I am to surf those waves – no resistance, no fight. That last thing seems to be much like your lesson “I found that fighting only makes negative feelings grow”.
My sincere gratitude for sharing your insights.
Thank you so much, Ton.
Your comment reminds me so much of this quote from Jon Kabat-Zinn: You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf.
You may be disappointed and angry! But then you have to move on and enjoy as much of life as you can.
I so hope your body will finally bounce back and you will get your courses up and running again!
Much love. And please grumble. We’ll understand.
I’m hoping to get at least one course relaunched early next year. It’s a long, slow process when you work so little, but I’m getting there.
And thank you for giving me permission to grumble! 🙂
Dear Henneke, thanks so much for this. I’ve experienced more struggles than usual in my business in the past few years. But despite that, I’ve been happier than ever. And it comes from the understanding that the NOW is all there is. And joy and contentment are only in the NOW. And what you’ve said in this wonderful piece of writing has captured that beautifully. I have been very inspired by your work and want to acknowledge the powerful contribution you make to the world.
Yes, that’s so true. The NOW is all there is. Well said!
Hi Henneke,
I want to offer some additional insights on things that can help control how a person feels. It deals with the physical atmosphere around us.
In the early 1960’s, the first nuclear powered submarine went under the ice to the North Pole for many months without surfacing. With the large crew aboard and the many types of complex operating equipment, they had to artificially control their environment. The ship’s doctor made a presentation to us about the environmental effect on the large crew aboard, the how and why of it and how they fixed it.
As an example, when it is a cloudy or stormy day, we tend to not feel as happy or chipper as we do on a bright sunny day. The reason? On the ugly day, the atmosphere is giving off a huge surplus of NEGATIVE IONS. The sunny day is loaded with POSITIVE IONS! So they used artificial ion generators to control their closed environment.
Then think about the human odors to be controlled or eliminated, the outputs of various equipment aboard and on and on. Their atmosphere is very complex and influencing on people.
The point is that we should look at things outside ourselves that are controlling our feeling and attitudes. Hopefully this will expand your thinking on making your own situation and feelings more positive. Control what you can if it will help you.
Yes, I’ve also found that it helps me a lot when the sun shines. The winter here is pretty dark. We have 7 and a half hours of daylight at the moment, and even during daylight the sky is often overcast, so we don’t get enough sunshine. We try to get away for a holiday at the end of winter or early Spring to soak up a few extra sun rays. It makes a big difference!
I never understood why good people, even the best of us, suffer so much.
Perhaps because we (excuse me, but I also consider myself good and kind) open up our souls as widely as children. Maybe we just didn’t become adults.
I sincerely wish you more joyful moments so that the pain goes away.
It is you who inspire good people to move forward. And I am among them.
Last year, thanks to your WRITE IT course, I was able to write 20 minutes a day, although before that, for several years, I could not write even one minute because of my health issues. But I didn’t return to my blog as in a fairy tale. Then I re-read your course six months later, and it allowed me to start a russian-travel blog. Just about the love of Georgia, the country I fell in love with six years ago.
It is you who are helping me now when hard times have come again.
Thanks for all! This year I am especially grateful to you!
That makes me so happy, Michael—that you’re writing again and that you’ve been inspired to start a new blog. That’s so wonderful. ?
It feels to me that I’ve all my life being trying to hard to be an adult and lost touch with my inner child. I’m rebuilding that connection now and it’s helping me feel more content and at ease with myself.
I feel like we’re kindred spirits.
Thank you so much for stopping by again. Wishing you a joyful and peaceful new year!
thank you so much, Henneke, for sharing so honestly. I am so relieved. Your blog gives me permission to exhale. To unload so much pressure I put on myself.
I learn a lot from each of your blog, and I learn even more from your way of being.
May 2020 be your best year ever… so far.
All my love,
Sylvie
What a beautiful thing to say: that this blog has given you permission to exhale and to unload the pressure. Please do!
Thank you for your lovely comment, Sylvie. Wishing you a new year full of creativity, love and joy!
Thank you for sharing your personal feelings here, Henneke. What you’ve said resonates with me and I’m sure many others. We hope your accident hasn’t left you with a lasting physical disability as well. Thank you for your posts in 2019. They have been truly valuable. Enjoy the holiday break and we look forward to your future posts in 2020 and beyond.
I’m glad you’ve enjoyed my writing this year, Paul. Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a joyful 2020!
Hi Henneke,
Thank you for your post. I feel honored that you would share in such an honest, personal way. It’s one of the things I love about your blog.
Three things struck me about what you wrote:
1. You are still going outside your home even when you may least feel like doing so. I know that when I do that my mental health benefits, even if it is a gray day. Just getting outside and moving a bit makes a difference.
2. You are not fighting your observations about gratitude or about your business. Letting the observations (inner voice? conscience? ) come, being mindful of them, and knowing that, good or bad, they don’t determine the path of the rest of your life is such an important skill for us all to learn.
Which leads me to…
3. I *love* the David Cain quote you included. It’s so true. As I venture into my own writing business, I have been noticing such great change that no one around me can even see.
But how significant that change is!
My advice to you (which you no doubt already know) is to embrace that quote. Just think about where you were mentally, spiritually and physically right after your accident. And where you are today. Even with the ups and downs, steps forward sometimes followed by more steps back, you aren’t in the same place.
Life moves and so do we.
God bless you Henneke!
Merry Christmas
I’ve found that getting out is so important, both for my physical and mental health. I walk whether the sun shines or it rains, and I’ve even started walking in the dark (just a short walk after dinner). I used to hate the darkness, but learning to appreciate the moon and stars more (when it’s not overcast!) and enjoying these evening walks.
I’ve found that a lot of changes we make may be invisible to others, but we can feel and experience them ourselves. It’s one of the reasons I’m writing these posts once a year because it helps me reflect on what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown as a person. Mindfulness has played a big part in my personal growth. And my writing has benefited much from becoming more mindful, too—it has helped me overcome procrastination and feel more at ease with the writing process.
Thank you so much for your in-depth comment and encouragement, Erika. Wishing you a Merry Christmas, too!
Henneke, I don’t know how I stumbled upon your blog but your insights about writing are a key influence that encourages me to express myself in writing.
I bow to your wisdom for walking your own path healing path. Honing and modifying ‘techniques and practices’ according to what works for you. This is the path less trodden and yet, in my experience, is the most valuable.
Wishing you the peace and happiness of your own infinite being. Fiona
Thank you, Fiona. It makes me happy to know that my writing encourages you to express yourself.
I tried to walk the standard path of healing and it made me more ill, so I’ve learned the hard way to do things my way and focus on what works for me. It’s a valuable lesson. I’ve been learning so much.
I appreciate your encouragement, and wish you a joyful and creative 2020!
Henneke, I so identify with this article. Like you, I found the idea of a gratitude journal didn’t work for me – it often felt fake. This has been quite a year for me health-wise. I started having A-fib, and now have to be on medication (first time in over 70 years of life). In July I had a total hip replacement (which I am so grateful for!).
Today I feel this year has taught me a lot – to be thankful for what (and who) I have, to be present in each moment, and to know that it’s my choice how I respond to the happenings in my life.
It sounds like it’s been a very tough year for you health-wise, Nicolette. And it seems we’re learning very similar lessons.
I’m glad you mention that the gratitude journal didn’t work for you either. I thought it was just me.
Wishing you a joyful 2020!
And here’s another person who is glad that you live in the UK! We need more people just like you x
Thank you so much, Caroline ?
Dear Henneke,
Yours is one of only a very few blogs I receive – and fewer still that I read. I’ve already written and had my book published – but I still read your blogs because of the love imbedded in them.
I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard year, and I’m grateful for your honest sharing.
I think one thing we can always be grateful for is that ability to always learn.
I wish for you good health and continued growth going forward.
And may our world begin find love and kindness in 2020.
Wow, what a beautiful compliment: “I still read your blogs because of the love imbedded in them.” That warms my heart, Lauren. Thank you so much.
Wishing you a new year full of kindness, love, and joy, too.
Dear Henneke,
I am a psychotherapist in the US. I will share your reflections with my patients and coaching clients. I have a strong feeling they will not only be uplifted by your sharing but perhaps more important, accompanied in their experience. Thank you so very much.
Thank you so much for sharing. If my writing can help lift others up, that would make me happy. Thank you, Catherine!
Your message is thoughtful, decent, honest, and offers ideas to consider.
When I first read your challenge, I began to think too small (more white space in my hacked writing).
Nope, bigger than that.
Personal realization, that the universe already knows.
We established a micro advised family fund named in memory of my only sister-in-law. Money for it comes from a generous honorarium provided by a not-for-profit board of directors whose purpose in the U.S. is to nurture and help survive, family physicians. The CEO and I are the only non-doctors who serve on the board.
Making 100s of carefully considered grants to an diverse array of documented non-profits has, the past three years, yielded spiritual and monetary rewards beyond anything we might have anticipated. That we have and continue learn.
What a wonderful work you’re doing. It’s so true that doing good work and being generous can bring us so much joy. Thank you for sharing, Stephen.
And more white space is always welcome, too—both in writing and in life!
Henneke,
What a refreshingly honest and heartfelt post. I salute your bravery for revealing your truth to your readers.
Illnesses visit everyone of us at different times in our lives. No one is immune. I’m wishing you a healthier new year. Better days are ahead. Be well.
Mary Ann
Yes, that’s so true—that illnesses visit everyone of us, and often we don’t know that people are suffering. Yet, we all suffer in our own ways.
Wishing you a healthy and joyful new year, too. Thank you for stopping by, Mary Ann.
Thank you for your message. I really appreciate your end of year reflections. Your honesty and humanity in sharing the real life journey you have been on is something I can relate to and take inspiration from. Your message is one of many that has arrived in my inbox, but it is the only one that has created a sense of connection. Thank you.
Is it wonderful that through our writing we can make a sense of connection? This is what makes writing so worthwhile for me. Thank you so much, Adrienne.
Hi Henneke, Thank you for sharing. I was really moved by your words. I agree, we can feel both sadness, pain, peace and joy at the same time. I used to view life as more black and white and felt uncomfortable with the grey. But now I am appreciating the more nuanced moments in life and being at peace with the complex, grayness of life. I wish you all the best in the new year to come. Thank you for all your writing tips and life insights. Best, Keiko
Yes, I agree with you—there are infinite color variations in life and we can only appreciate that when we learn to observe and listen.
Thank you for stopping by, Keiko. Wishing you peace, joy and lots of creativity for the new year!
Henneke:
I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your talent and all that you teach us and all your content. I don’t follow many people and you are the only writing expert I follow! No one teaches the way you teach and you are truly great at what you do! I hope this encrouages you to keep going today and into 2020! With great admiration – Lori McBride, Florida
Thank you so much for the encouragement, Lori. That means a lot to me. And yes, I’ll keep going. I won’t give up!
Best wishes for a joyful, healthy, and creative 2020 to you.
Lieve Henneke, I feel so good after reading your post. I mean, I’m sorry that it wasn’t a good year for you, of course, but at the same time I read in between lines that you have reached a deeper understanding of what’s important in your life. This is my search as well, after so many years of living a life that wasn’t really mine just to please other people, I’m finally living it on my own terms. Or almost, since there is still a list of things I want to change and achieve, but not to show to others, but because I owe it to the little girl I once was. I hope you recover your energy and you can continue delighting us with your kind words. Big hug
Yes, you’re right. I’m learning what’s important in my life. I’m learning to focus less on what many others say is important (usually some visible achievements) and more on what I care about (invisible achievements, feeling content with life). I’m liberating myself from a lot. It’s a process that takes time but each step is worthwhile. Take it easy on yourself and stay connected to that little girl in you.
Sending you a big hug across the Channel. ?
Hi, Henneke, I discovered you a few months ago and immediately fell in love with your humor and expertise.
I was blessed to be raised by a grandmother that instilled the power of gratitude in me from the time I was a toddler. Because of gratitude, I have achieved life-long contentment even through adversity. My personal motto: Adversity is simply a blessing turned inside out. Have a wonderful transition into the New Year.
What a powerful lesson to learn from your grandmother at such a young age!
Wishing you a joyful 2020 full of creativity. Thank you for stopping by.
The Dali Lama says “to live in the moment “ but I have found not all moments are good. Still I find that when i am in a bad way i can think of others that are worse. It helps to makes me grateful for what i have.
I am sorry to hear your health has been so bad this year. I have missed your posts as they are inspiring and very helpful. I look forward to hearing from you next year. When you are feeling it try and remember that no one gets a free ride, everyone has issues you may not see them or they haven’t developed yet but everyone has them. Take care and all the best for the coming year.
To live in the moment at first sounded so easy to me, but I’ve found it surprisingly hard. There are so many distractions … in our minds, in our bodies, and externally, too. But each year, I’m able to live in the present a little more.
And yes, so many people have it much worse than me. I’m also grateful that I can still write and can still do some work. And I’m grateful for all the kind readers who are encouraging me.
Thank you so much for stopping by, Wendy. I much appreciate it.
Well here’s one British reader who is damned glad that you live here!! *hugs*
Thank you so much, Icy. I means a lot to me. Sending a hug back to you!
Hi Henneke, I think we have come to a similar place over this year, via a different route. I have learnt to really listen to my negative thoughts, rather than try and suppress them because they are the “wrong thoughts to have”. It turns out they’re not all-powerful; they just need to be heard.
I’m sorry that you feel unwelcome in the UK. I, at least, am happy that you call it home.
I have found this, too, that when I don’t suppress negative thoughts, they lose their power over me. They’re just signs that I’m scared and an encouragement to take care of myself and keep moving forward despite my fears.
Thank you for stopping by, Wendy.
Here is what I learned: Keep working. It’s better than I think and it’s only getting better. Just keep moving forward. In that sense, it’s a limitless horizon.
Yes, keep working. This is a big thing … no matter how small our baby steps are and how many missteps we take, keep moving forward. I love your point about the limitless horizon. That’s so true. Thank you, David. And happy new year!
I think you’ve hit on the recipe to happiness–savor the everyday treasures that make up our daily lives. Thanks for sharing. Here’s to a bright 2020, Henneke!
Yes, here’s to a bright 2020, Diane! Thank you so much for commenting.
I found your blog this year and have appreciated it immensely. Your content has helped me become a better writer. Amidst your struggles, there are still people out there who are touched by your work and are better for it. Keep your chin up!
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Sharon. Happy New Year!
And thank you for writing, Henneke… you have a gift … something really beautiful … Please be back next year, and have a wonderful Christmas time …
Yes, I’ll be back. Don’t worry 🙂 Wishing you a wonderful Christmas time, too.
Dear Henneke,
Thanks for sharing!
I am sure you’ll comeback stronger nexxt year. Your writing fills me with joy and each opened article, I finished.
I am grateful for your writing and insights. It doesn’t matter how often you write, each one you publish is delightful.
Happy Holidays
Josipher Wallé
Yes, I’m planning to come back stronger next year and to write more.
Thank you for your lovely comment, Josipher. Happy Holidays!
Hi Henneke!
I wanted you to know that this post resonated for me. I also started the 5-Minute Journal a couple years ago. I lasted 5 weeks (so you beat me, lol!).
It didn’t feel like it was adding much to my life, so I quit. I had a moment where I felt that I failed. I asked myself, “Is there something wrong with me that I don’t find the benefit of journaling when so many people swear by it?!” I realized that self-improvement, self-love, and all the other self-stuff is personal.
What works for some won’t work for others. It’s hard to separate our own needs from what “experts” tell us we need. But the reality is you have to learn to listen to yourself before you can truly know what you need for yourself…and that’s hard to do. It’s easier to listen to other people and do what they say worked for them.
Anyway…I’m rambling! Happy holidays and I wish you a beautiful, meaningful, and fresh start to 2020!
Eric
I’m so happy you mention that, Eric.
I’ve never been a journal writer, and I’ve always thought that there was something wrong with me for not writing a journal. Doesn’t every writer write a journal? I’ve never done this, not as a child nor as an adult.
It’s so true that have we to find what works for us and we have to feel the freedom to ignore the experts. Let’s give ourselves permission to do what’s best for us. Thanks for the reminder.
Wishing you happy holidays and a beautiful, joyful and creative 2020!
What a deeply helpful and rich post. I appreciate your willingness to share you. Life is in the moments. It’s a blessing to stop doing and began being in each moment. Pain has taught me that too. There’s a cool verse that stops me in my tracks daily: “Be still and know that I am God.” Thank you Henneke! ❤️
I’ve learned over the years, that sharing myself and my vulnerabilities may have seemed weak at first, but it always makes me stronger. I’m learning from telling my story, and I feel more connected to people like you. Thank you for being you, Lee. ?
Sterkte!
Dankje, Angela ?
Henneke,
I am very grateful for all your insights and advice. I have learned a lot from you. And I love your writing style.
What I have learned in 2019–there are always opportunities to simplify my message, so my big ideas are crystal clear.
Less is better!
Oh yes, so true: less is more. Simplification is one of our biggest challenges as communicators. I still have to stop myself from cramming just a little extra idea into a post.
Thank you for your lovely compliment, Paul.
Wow Henneke
Thanks for that powerful share!
I totally get where you’re coming from with the whole gratitude thing. Interestingly, I also had chronic pain and fatigue for almost three years and I ended up in a Hospice for 3 days, where they managed my pain and since then I have been managing pain with a combination of alternative and allopathic meds. I got my life back and my energy. It was tough, being a bit of a natural girl I had to come to terms with taking medication. I found a balance and 2019 was possibly my best year ever. I also learnt so much in terms of writing, I freelance over Upwork but if it is meant to be, will eventually start a blog and write some e-books and sell over Amazon, as well as print them to sell in nurseries, hardware stores etc.
Thank you so much for all the advice and really useful hacks you have shared so graciously. And I love how fearless you are, with sharing your personal stuff. I guess what I learnt most this year, and it is a concept that I have been trying to master for years actually! Surrender. It is an amazing process and often I forget to be in that space. Control issues are something every person has (possibly it is the root to all other issues) but when I finally master the act of surrender, even if it is for a brief time, I get reminded that everything is always exactly as it should be. And then the gratitude comes. I love the concept of surrender. I went through the whole AA/NA 12 step programmes quite extensively over the years and the 12 steps are actually so cool. Kids should get taught them at school! but anyway surrender is a major part of recovery and it is through surrender to whatever or whoever that we free our minds and souls to open up to new thought patterns and different types of behaving. I guess it’s all part of our journey. Self-realization and awareness leads to self love and then we can finally start loving others too and then we become kinder and more compassionate and patient with everyone we come into contact with. And that always leads back to gratitude too! So yeah, you pretty much nailed it this year, and 2020 is going to see you soaring!! that is my wish and hope for you going into the new year. I wish you lots of joy and serenity and creative energy. And I hope you have managed to get your pain under control. People don’t understand how it affects us emotionally and mentally. It almost destroyed my marriage. I am just so grateful my journey took a turn for the better and I am living with it still but I actually am doing more now than I have in the last ten years!! So there is always hope. All the best for 2020. It has such a lovely ring to it, don’t you think? lots a love Kim
Wow, so happy to hear you’ve learned to manage your pain and that 2019 has been your best year ever. Yay!
I don’t know about the concept of “surrender” but it sounds surprisingly similar to the idea of mindfulness—of paying attention to what’s happening right here right now, whether it’s positive or negative, whether it’s thoughts flitting through our mind, the emotions are straining our muscles, or the birds playing in the garden.
Wishing you an even better 2020!
I’m sorry for your troubles, yet I’m awed by your spirit of grace and acceptance. Thank you for this reminder to focus on the essentials in life; your writing always touches me in some profound way. I hope 2020 brings you strength, comfort, and peace.
Thank you for your kind and generous comment, Maria. It warms my heart. May 2020 bring you peace, joy, and lots of creativity! ?
Hi Henneke, I must say I would not have know unless I had read this post of yours that you were suffering. It didn’t show through in your writing.
You have been such an inspiration for me in 2019! This post too is so down to earth and heart-warming. You are overcoming the struggle. So many have struggles that they keep inside and do their best to continue on.
Thanks for sharing your story with us and for keeping us inspired all the way through.
I hope your 2020 is a better year for you. Thank you again for your encouragement and inspiration here.
Yes, our struggles are often surprisingly universal. It’s such a strange paradox as we often feel lonely in our struggles, but when we open up and dare to be vulnerable, we can connect so much stronger with each other.
I Writing is often an escape for me, as I can forget my fatigue for a while.
Wishing you a happy and healthy new year, too. Thank you for stopping by so regularly. I appreciate it.
Henneke you are awesome. I enjoy reading what you have to say, always. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Jane ?
Dear Henneke,
While hiking in the Canadian North on Sunday morning and enjoying the snow filled trail it was then I realized how blessed I truly was. The quietness of nature and the presence of running water in a small stream beside me.
Connecting with Nature has a profound effect on one’s self; I’m glad that you too find solace within it.
Your emails stand out amongst the rest as a breath of fresh air.
Every time.
Wishing you the best in health, joy and gratitude.
Yes, nature has such a profound impact. I find the sound of water very calming, too, no matter whether it’s the sea or a river. Also, I love watching birds. And then I love trees, but in a different way.
I’m just now reading “Birds Art Life Death: The Art of Noticing the Small and Significant.” You may like it.
I appreciate your stopping by again, Ray. wishing you a healthy, happy, and peaceful 2020 with lots of beautiful walks!
Ah, this.
Henneke, thank you for this. Your honesty. Your vulnerability. Your courage.
I always read your emails. You help me believe I can improve, and then you show me how in doable ways. Thank you.
Reading this personal reflection moves me. It helps me know you in a new way. And it challenges me to be present and grateful as well. Something I long to do but too often miss.
May 2020 be a year of blessing, of healing, of some satisfying achievements (your deep understanding of gratitude and mindfulness is a huge achievement, by the way!). And a year of even more savoring, contentment and feeling at home with yourself. I pray this for you, for me, and for all of us.
Thank you for your good work!!!!
Yes, you’re so right that a deeper understanding of gratitude and mindfulness are huge achievements, too.
It’s perhaps more difficult to see these as achievements because there’s no end station. You can always be more mindful, more grateful, and progress happens so slowly that you only notice it when you think back to a year ago. That’s one of the reasons I find it so useful to think about what I’ve learned. Mindfulness has featured quite prominently in my learning in the past years.
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Cindy. It warms my heart. Wishing you a new year full of peace, joy, love, and contentment. ?
Wow – thank you As always, you have inspired me and have sparked self reflection. I am grateful you share your ideas and life with us.
Thank you so much, Lisa. I appreciate your comment.
Beautiful and honest, as always. I’m going to share this with my group because although many use the writing of a gratitude journal to learn to be aware but, to your point, they miss the small moments and end up working too hard to *think* of things to be grateful for, which defeats the purpose. Sending lots of love.??
Yes, the thinking can get into the way of the feeling, and that’s where the gratitude seems to get lost. Still, the journals must be working for some people?
Thank you for sharing!
You are so right! Being in the moment, it’s hard when there are so many distractions. It’s in the little things. Enjoy them for what they are. I love reading what you do and how you do it. So I hope you keep it up in 2020. Be you! Keep healthy. And keep up the writing in any which way.
Yes, that’s so true: there are so many distractions, both external and internal, that are trying to prevent us from living in the moment and enjoying the little things.
And don’t worry, I’ll keep writing. I might slow down now and then but I wouldn’t know how to stop 🙂
Thanks for this open honesty about the hard parts of your journey. Choosing how to deal with the pain and loss that have hampered a writing life/business is part of my story this year, too. I resonate with your thought: “I can let my sadness be and let it co-exist with sparks of joy, peace, and love.” That plus my confidence that my loving Father has a good purpose for it all are the two truths I have found that settle my heart and help me embrace each day. May our 2020 be richer for all we’ve learned. And thanks for writing when you can!
I’m so sorry you’ve been going through a similar hard journey, Karen. Sending you my best wishes for the new year—May it be full of love, joy, peace, and creativity ?
Hi Henneke,
What a beautiful and heartfelt piece of writing this is. I can’t begin to imagine what it feels like to live in and with your body after that accident but I admire your mental strength for doing so. Moreover I’m in awe of your writing that so carefully shows how you keep learning to do so.
My learning for this year: keep trying and actually Try. I’ve too easily allowed myself to lose track of whatever I wanted to achieve. No one’s fault other than mine…so keep stumbling, keep going…then at some point things get easier and you’ll find you’ve actually learned to do/write/do business in a way that suits you.
Have a good Xmas period and I wish you love, happiness and good health and, always more learning. And to, please, please, keep us learning from you.
I so recognize your learning of the year. It’s so true that what works for one does not work for all of us. We all have to stumbling around to see what works for us. The thing is that we rarely see how others are stumbling, and it makes us feel like we’re the only one struggling. But you’re not alone!
Thank you for your warmhearted comment. I’m always happy to see you here. Wishing you a merry Xmas and a new year full of love, health, joy, and peace. ?
Henneke,
I’m grateful for finding you. Your biggest achievement is the knowledge you feed us.
Thank you,
Mecca
Thank you so much, Mecca, for reminding me that sharing my knowledge (even at a slower pace) is an achievement, too. Happy New Year!
Dear Henneke,
I am glad to read you today. I have often thought of you over the past months, because you were less present. I even meant to drop a line, but then never did.
I appreciate how you are able to share your vulnerability without ever falling into pathos.
I am so sorry to hear about your being so much in pain. This must be so hard to live with every day, and yet you still show up!
I also feel for you about Brexit. There are underlying negative vibes which I also pick up via my in-laws who live very near you.
They all voted for “out”, as Europe is seen as the reason for the shortcomings they feel so deeply about. Many of these injustices are in fact induced by UK-internal bad governance.
As a convinced European and a sister-in-law who does her best, I take being “outed” quite personally, it sometimes even makes me tearful. So, I can really relate to you up there in Manchester.
I wish you all the very best for 2020. You have depth, curiosity and kindness, essential ingredients for making you a good person who knows how to care for herself and the people who are close; including loyal Internet friends. A big hug. Doris
I’ve been learning to not to take Brexit personal, but I can’t help for the sadness to break through sometimes. We’re living in a small town an hour outside Manchester and most people in our street have voted to leave the EU. It’s painful. Hopefully, they’re going to dial down the negative rhetoric in the next year.
I will remain a European and I’m lucky to still have my Dutch passport.
I much appreciate your point about sharing vulnerability without resorting to self-pity. I’m always a little afraid to sound needy and that’s not what I want. I’m writing to share my learning, not my pain.
Wishing you the very best for 2020, too. ?
Hi Henneke
Thank you for this post. It is so true.
I am sorry 2019 has been such a difficult year, I wish you health in 2020.
Your emails are always such a joy to read.
Merry Christmas
Sue
Thank you, Sue. 2020 will be better!
Merry Christmas to you, too.
Henneke- I just want to say that I am grateful for you and your Enchanting Marketing blog. You have helped me grow as a marketer and I have used your tips and advice- and even quoted you in my own blog!
I hope that you find more joy in 2020, more health and healing, and more gratitude!
Peace!
Thank you so much, Jeanie. It makes me happy to know that I’ve helped you grow as a marketer.
Wishing you a new year full of joy, love and peace! ?
Thank you for sharing this Henneke.
I’m really grateful that I have found you, took your course, and get these emails that bring me hope.
May 2020 be a year of gratitude, hope and joy.
Best wishes
Sofia
Thank you so much, Sofia. I appreciate you.
Wishing you a healthy, joyful and creative 2020!
I’ve spent this year visiting in the local jail, and it’s been so rewarding. I am very thankful this country allows us to go to a jail and try to cheer the ones who need and want it. Our county has a program that aims to help those jailed, to recover from a life of crime, to change their lives, and it’s been hugely successful. It is an honor to have spent time in this way.
Also, I have learned that it is mostly my attitude that is driving my blood pressure to the sky, and if I practice calming myself, I am healthier. That was a good thing.
Finally, we are nearing our 50th wedding anniversary and our children are all still friends with each other, and are working to provide us a celebration in a few weeks. I keep smiling when I think of that.
Henneke, I would do anything to bear your pain for a day or two, and give you a break from it. Praying it goes away. <3
The work you’re doing, visiting the local jail, sounds amazing.
I read the book “Redeemable” this year, it’s a memoir by Erwin James in which he relates how he ended up in a life of crime, got convicted for murder and how a prison psychologist helped him face the truth about how his choices has shaped his past. While in prison, he joined a distance-learning university program and educated himself. He also was the first (or only?) prisoner to write a column for a national newspaper here in the UK. His fee got donated to charity.
The book is quite grim at first but a very worthwhile and powerful read.
Thank you for all your support through the years, my friend. ?
Oh, I want to read that book!
The men and women we visit are considered minimum security offenders–often just kids caught with drugs, who, once they receive some loving care for the first time in their lives, are literally ready to bloom. If someone continues with them, they often are able to reenter society, reclaim their lives, and begin giving back. I love it. “Redeemable” is an excellent title.
Our choices DO shape our path. Yes. It is true.
My friend, whenever you publish whether it’s weekly, monthly or twice yearly, it’s always a joy to hear from you. There’s never been one post from which I’ve not learned.
Take care of yourself and remember you are loved. God Bless and feel better.
Merry Christmas
Anita
I wholeheartedly agree. I learn much from your posts and your writing–clear and concise without being dull (this was a particularly poignant post).
Thank you so much, Gayle!
Thank you so much, my friend. For all your encouragement through the years, for staying with me through all the years, and, above all, for being you. ?
Amen!!
Henneke
I am sorry you are so at ease with your self. The new year is a way to have a fresh start. Let me say I need you and your teachings more with every day I live. I find you are an important part of my learning. At my age I never felt that learning would be as important as it has become. But you are a major part of it. I have a bird feeder as well and sometimes it is strengthening to just watch the birds feed. Take heart and stay the course as I am sure you are loved and needed by a lot more than me. Happy Holidays
Bob Keil
The bird feeders give us so much joy. Just now two blue tits were swinging on our clothesline 🙂
Thank you for all your encouragement this year, Bob.
Dear Henneke,
Thank you for your nice words.You are such a nice person.
Continue writing.
Regards,
Lubosi Jr Maboshe
Thank you, Lubosi Jr. I appreciate your comment.
And don’t worry, I’ll keep writing 🙂
Henneke, this is such a brilliant piece. You’re so right, there is such simple, incredible beauty to be appreciated at every moment. You’ve inspired me to look at my year in terms of what I’ve learned, rather than what I’ve achieved 🙂
Also, I am so, so sorry about Brexit. It’s so depressing and I’m so ashamed it has made people like you feel this way in your home. Please know this is your home as much as those of us born here, and thank you for all the contribution you have made, we are lucky to have you here xx
It’s also been such a weird (and stressful) experience to have to apply to stay in the home I own and where I’ve lived for over 10 years. But luckily, I’ve got my settled status now, so that’s been a relief.
I am grateful for people like you who acknowledge this is my home. Thank you so much for your lovely comment. It warms my heart.
You sign off with “my friend”. That’s how I feel, and I’m sure many other people on your mailing list feel, when your emails arrive.
You sprinkle happy dust on our inboxes, and we love you for it.
When things go well its easier to feel grateful and happy. But as painful as the hard times are, they make us appreciate the good times so much more.
So “my friend”, thank you. For the entertaining and educational messages you’ve been sending us all year. And for the happy dust you’ve sprinkled on our inboxes.
Merry Christmas and a happy new year
Philip
And it’s also true that I always feel like I’m writing to my friends.
Thank you for your lovely comment, Philip, and for your continued readership through the years. I love the idea that I’m sprinkling happy dust in your inbox.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,
Henneke
This is awesome! Thanks for this post
Thank you, Adeleye. ?
You’re a gifted writer. So lovely, so engaging. Words flows out of you like a waterfall. I have a crush on you.
It’s just over a week that I have discovered gratitude. I can say with full confidence that it’s miraculous. It does not only make you content but I think it actually changes circumstances of your life. Make gratitude a habit. I discovered it after years of arguing against it.
Wish you a happy, healthy, and wealthy 2020.
With love
My journey to discover gratitude has been much longer than a week, and I found the change quite subtle but the difference is noticeable when I look back at a year (or more) ago.
Wishing you a happy, healthy and creative 2020, too!
Aw, Henneke, thanks for sharing this.
Yes, happiness can be found in the small moments. It’s good that you observe them.
I’m sorry that you’re suffering from pain and fatigue. I hope you get well soon.
Thank you, Britt. I appreciate your comment. ?
Happy new year to you!
Hi Henneke,
Great way to end the year.
My biggest lesson of 2019:
I realize and accept that life can be unsatisfactory in more ways than one: the Buddha’s first noble truth.
However, I can still strive to use my thoughts, words, and actions to improve my life and to help others to do the same.
Ultimately, whether to empower myself and serve others, irrespective of the external circumstances, is my choice, and that is the ultimate power: the power of choice.
Yes, that’s so true. We have the power of choice. As Viktor E. Frankle wrote: Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. I highly recommend his book Man’s Search for Meaning.
Oh, Henneke, this is beautiful. You touch lives all over the world. In your writings, you give people permission to be human and to struggle – as we all do – and you are a lovely person. You also give us many, many useful tips and insights about writing well.
Here in Canada, I’ve watched the Brexit melodrama lurching forward like Frankenstein’s monster. I can hardly imagine how it feels to live as an immigrant in England these days.
May 2020 bring you strength, renewed health, and many moments of creative joy.
What a lovely comment. Thank you so much, Rachel. Wishing you a healthy, happy and creative 2020, too.
Hi Henneke!
Thanks for sharing your journey. As a reader of your blog for years, I had no idea 2019 was such a tough year. Despite that, so grateful you continued showing up in our inboxes!
You’ve shown me that a writer writes no matter what. Here’s to 2020 being a better year for you all around!
Vanessa
I’ve been writing a lot less than previous years but I’ve still been writing as much as I could. There’ll be more in 2020 🙂
Wishing you happy holidays! Thank you for stopping by, Vanessa.
Happy Holidays Henneke. Being able to breathe is enough gratitude for me. Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece.
That one is still hard for me as I’ve injured the muscles involved in breathing. Any attention that I give to breathing makes breathing more stressful, so I try to avoid paying attention to my breathing. But there are enough other things to be grateful for, and one day I hope to be grateful again for being able to breathe, too!
Happy holidays to you, too, Mary!
Lovely- very heartfelt. Just a note- it’s spelled ‘practising.’ The verb is ‘to practise.’
Hi Jacinta, in American-English spelling (which I try to follow), they use practice for both verb and noun. It’s confusing!
Similar to advise (verb) advice (noun) in British English but advise for both in US.
How confusing for you that as a non-native UK resident you try to use American English! I expect it is because your work comes from the US, am I right?
Yes, it’s confusing, and sometimes I get it wrong. I used to read mainly American-English, so American-English seemed easier. Plus most of my audience are from the US, even more so when I started out. I know it’s confusing as I live in the UK but probably better to stick to the choice I made several years ago. I wish we could all settle on one spelling system!