I’m a little embarrassed to write about being unique.
As a concept, I understand we’re all unique.
Each of our lives is different.
So, logically, when we create a business around our own experiences, skills, and values, our business becomes unique. And in the same way, when we share our ideas and tips, based on our own experiences, our blogs become unique, too.
But in practice, I have this sneaky feeling that nothing I’ve done is unique.
Uniqueness feels like something only true heroes can achieve
Which musicians do you admire?
Whether you’re a fan of David Bowie or Elvis Presley, of Yo-Yo Ma or John Coltrane, our heroes have reached that epitome of a unique and recognizable style.
It’s the same with writers we admire. There’s only one Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Only one Agatha Christie. Only one Ian McEwan.
Uniqueness feels like a goal out of reach. A level of specialness that mere mortals like you and I won’t achieve.
Nothing I share or write feels unique. I’m not that special.
Do you feel the same?
I might not have reached that elusive hero-like uniqueness, but I somehow have managed to escape from sounding exactly like everyone else.
Want to do the same?
Stop searching
As a marketer, I learned how to plan for uniqueness. Evaluate the market, review the competition, hold focus groups, commission customer research, and find a unique positioning in the market.
But as a blogger, a creative, a solo flyer, you can’t plan for everything. Your vision evolves. Your voice develops. Your uniqueness arrives by doing the work and finding what sticks.
Writing about self-doubt and my inner critic? It wasn’t in my plans. Blogging about voice? Three years ago, I hardly understood what a writing voice was. Using metaphors? I simply tried writing about myself without writing about myself.
Trying to plan everything stops you from doing the work. Instead, aim to make a valuable contribution to your readers and clients.
You discover your uniqueness when you learn which clients you hate working with and which clients energize you, when you realize which projects make you feel most alive. Your voice appears in conversation with your readers, when you learn whom you love writing for and which topics resonates most.
The goal of developing an authentic voice isn’t self-gratification, it’s cultivating a greater ability to mobilize others toward a goal or objective, and in so doing achieve the impact you desire. ~ Todd Henry
Stop trying to conform
At the end of my corporate career, I was the only woman in a male team. The only non-Brit. The only marketer in a team of number-crunchers.
Trying to fit into that team became an exhausting endeavor. I desperately tried exceeding other people’s expectations. I became nervous about my Dutch accent. I lost the connection to my identity, and nearly became a number-cruncher, too.
Starting my own business set me free. To make my own decisions. To choose my own path.
And somehow I gave up trying to be like everyone else.
When you stop trying to conform, you free up a lot of energy. Use that energy to experiment, to follow your curiosity, to trust your gut and face your fears. It may feel like a risky path, but it’s less risky than being buried in mediocrity because you sound like everyone else. When you embrace risk, you find out what you love doing by trial and error; you discover what you truly care about and what keeps you working and writing week in week out.
Stay true to yourself, and be honest in your approach. Get to know yourself.
Master the skills of good communication
If you can’t inspire your audience, your ideas don’t matter.
If nobody listens, your uniqueness doesn’t matter.
A strong voice means understanding how to grab attention, how to keep readers spellbound, and how to be persuasive. It means embracing the beauty of language and the power of storytelling. It means understanding how wordiness, weak words, and clichés destroy the power of your message.
When you write well and connect with your readers, your voice appears as if by magic.
So, stop looking for a unique voice. It’ll come.
I used to worry a lot about voice, wondering if I had my own. But now I realize that the only way to find your voice is to use it. It’s hardwired, built into you. Talk about the things you love. Your voice will follow. ~ Austin Kleon
When I started writing, I didn’t believe I had any creative talent
But I wanted to be heard. And I wanted to be me.
So, I learned how to write, I shared what I cared about, and I connected with my tribe.
I still can’t claim, I found my voice.
It was you who helped me discover my voice.
Recommended reading on being unique
How to be original as a blogger
4 ways to add pizzazz to re-hashed topics
How word choice shapes your voice
I value each and every gold nugget you share!
Thank you, Barbara. I appreciate your comment. 🙂
“When you stop trying to conform, you free up a lot of energy. Use that energy to experiment, to follow your curiosity, to trust your gut and face your fears. It may feel like a risky path, but it’s less risky than being buried in mediocrity because you sound like everyone else. When you embrace risk, you find out what what you love doing by trial and error; you discover what you truly care about and what keeps you working and writing week in week out.”
How DID I miss this one?
It’s going on my wall. <3 Thanks.
You probably got here at the right time 🙂
Yeah.
Hi Henneke,
You’ve sent a powerful message via this blog.
I agree with the fact that every person is unique in their own way. It only takes a non-judgemental person to see everyone as to how unique they can be. What is not appealing for us may be highly appealing for someone else. It doesn’t mean they’re weird. It only means they’re different, Unique.
Please keep posting such blogs
Cheers!
I like to think we’re all a little weird in our own ways; that’s what makes us unique 🙂
Thank you for stopping by, Simran.
Henneke, I can’t thank you enough for all of your amazing tips! I’m still in the middle of your snackable emails, which I’ve enjoyed thoroughly & learned so much from.
This article really hits the nail on the head for me as I’ve been finding my voice in an unusual niche and struggling with whether to be my quirky self or not, ha! You are really making it much easier, and I have to tell you, I think I’m already improving!
Thank you, thank you, thank you! <3
Kim Johnson
That’s great to hear, Kim.
And yes, embrace your quirks 🙂
Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate it!
Hi Henneke,
I guess nobody is better at being me than me. It’s better to fail as myself than to succeed as someone else.
My goals when starting were not to be among the best online merely make a good living. My progress has been good. Learn to write and be me. Yea, I can do that.
I miss your little doggies.
Barry
Yes, I’m not sure who said it (Dr Seuss?), but everyone is already taken, so you’d better be YOU 🙂
The little dog will be back soon. His name is Arthur 🙂
I’m glad you’re making good progress!
This is by far the best advice I’ve read about being unique!
I love the trial and error part you mention. So much of it seems to be realizing who you are and being comfortable with it before communicating anything.
Thanks!
Yes, I think realizing who you are, what you enjoy and what your strengths are plays a big part, and it’s difficult to know until you try (at least that’s my experience!).
Thank you for stopping by, Tanner!
What a great post! I feel like this is a great message for life in general too : )
Thank you for writing it.
Yes, so true – it applies to life in general, too.
Thank you for your lovely comment, Molly!
Lovely post Henneke!
I think many of us struggle ourselves but never think that someone like yourself does. We assume (Big Mistake) that somehow you and others we admire do not suffer at all.
Thanks for opening up here and reminding us that we all have our unique voice and that by being brave enough to step out and connect we will be heard.
– David
Yes, I know this so well. I always think that others find writing much easier than I do, but the truth is that we don’t see how much effort went into writing and we don’t know how an author struggled with confidence or writer’s block. We only see the end-result. Good writing looks easy, but that doesn’t mean the process of writing was easy. 🙂
Thank you for your lovely comment, David!
Another one of your exceptional posts Henneke.
As a beginner writer, I’m struggling with finding my voice. For months, I’ve been postponing my publishing date because I worry about sounding like someone or being odd.
Your posts give me this courage and confidence (though sometimes it quickly fizzles out because of my self doubt) to just be me and do it.
You have become my voice in the wilderness…and I bow down to it always.
Keep on keeping on my mentor and teacher!
The best way might be to forget about finding your voice and keep improving your writing (your voice will appear naturally!); and as Sue-Ann said above, just hit publish and start your next piece. Every time you write a new piece of content, you learn something again. That’s how you keep improving.
Don’t give up and be kind to yourself! Look how far you’ve come since you’ve started writing.
Hi Henneke. I always read your posts here and I can say that you have inspired me. I am not a native English speaker. I am struggling to learn English, actually.
I can write well using my language but my English writing sucks. What do you think I should do to improve my English writing skills? I feel disappointed and frustrated with myself.
Maybe I should work harder? I want to know how do you learn English. What routines and techniques you did. Thanks Henneke!
PS: My English has improved a lot when I found your website. Thank you so much.
I’ve improved my English by reading a lot (I rarely read anything in Dutch); I’ve collected words I liked; and I kept writing. What also helped me is having a native speaker correct my writing – this was for me the fastest way to learn which mistakes I was making (the “Dutchisms” sneaking into my English).
Reading your comment makes me think your English is fine!
“Nuff said” Henneke – I think I have mentioned this before, but you have this unique talent of hitting the hot buttons of authorship.
So much enjoyed reading all the other posts. We’re all in the same boat!
Paul Sydney Australia (not Canada)
Yes, we’re all unique, and yet we’re all the same in terms of our struggles as writers!
Thank you for stopping by again, Paul. I always appreciate it.
Great post! Your story and mine are similar. The soul-crushing job that you had to leave. Wanting to be yourself. Feeling un-unique. Glad to hear I’m not the only one with these doubts rattling around my head!
Yes, I wonder sometimes what took me so long to discover the problem wasn’t me (and I didn’t have to change myself), but it was the job that wasn’t right for me. You’re definitely not the only one … look at all the other comments 🙂
Dear Henneke,
A few weeks ago, I did an “email-cleanse.” On that cleanse, I unsubscribed from all the people that stirred up minor anxiety attacks whenever I read their emails because there was so much pressure to always “buy it now before the clock strikes 12!” I just couldn’t deal, nor did I feel like they were there to really add value to my life.
I have never had to re-think emails that come from you. Actually, I look forward to them because as Soon Wah has said, they are “a joy.” You are truly a wonderful writer and teacher and you care enough about your readers to give relevant, digestible, actionable information each week. You care enough to share in-depth writings on what you’ve learned. And you care enough to fight through your own self doubts so that the rest of us can be encouraged and reminded that we’re not alone.
Just today, I was struggling with wanting to give up on my first personal website…I was on that emotional rollercoaster all day, only to end with two lines that I felt were good enough…If only I had read this first!!!
So, thank you for being you…and thank you for caring!
I keep that type of anxiety-inducing e-newsletters out of my inbox, too 🙂
Two lines are a good start. The first lines are the most difficult! When you keep adding to them, you’ll get there.
Thank you for your lovely comment, AK. Good luck with your personal website!
Hi Henneke,
Thanks for another joyful piece. Unless I am really pressed by other more important stuff, I always like to read what you write. It’s a joy. For the clarity. For the art (of writing). For the presentation of ideas simply and effectively.
For a while I was trying to be “consciously unique.” Writing my posts like ad copies. Punch lines, punch lines, punchlines. I read my stuff and felt suffocating. I am back to “ununique” because I could not stand my own manufactured uniqueness.
I like the phrase un-unique! I can completely understand where you’re coming from. I think it’s better to let our uniqueness appear naturally, rather than start looking for it. One trick I found useful is to look at the writing I like and feel connected to, and trying to figure out why. Then I could try some of those techniques in my writing. But this was never a conscious effort to create my voice, more a way to improve my writing.
Thank you for your lovely comment, Soon!
I don’t believe I have any creative talent. But I love writing and share what I care most about (blogging). I want to be heard and I want to be me (book). So I’m learning how to write and my first book will be out in a few weeks. Doubts of not being good enough and fears of not being anything special are always in the back of my mind. But I am still learning, I am still writing (Daily writing challenge). I am a writer.
When you love writing and care for your audience, then you can write. No creative talent required.
Good luck with battling your fears and publishing your book!
Great stuff, Henneke!
It’s so funny, I was just at a meeting with a colleague in my city and we were talking about how easy it can be to stand out if you just put your fear aside and have the guts to be yourself online. (Or in person, too.)
I started following your blog because I liked your voice & that you seemed to be doing your own thing… and now that I’m launching my own business, I can see the same is true of others when I step out as myself in a non-apologetic way.
Yes, that’s so true – it works the same in person. I don’t know why we often think that the online world is so different from the offline world?
Here’s to stepping out as ourselves!
Excellent article Henneke, you nailed it with these truths. “If you can’t inspire your audience, your ideas don’t matter.” and “If nobody listens, your uniqueness doesn’t matter.” ..it’s a work in progress for me.
Writing is always work in progress. That’s part of the fun and the frustration! 🙂
Hey Henneke,
This is indeed a true inspiration indeed. Although my native language is English I still had a hard to with this subject in grade school. I was great in math but horrible with writing and speech. At least to the establishment that be.
But I like that you suggested to not to conform. I definitely don’t want to be some cookie cutter monotonous blogger who only follows what work for others . I have been saying that being unique and putting yourself out there will attract the right people and they will be more than willing to help you along your journey.
Thanks for sharing Henneke! Have a great day!
Yes, I agree. Without putting yourself out there to interact with others, you can’t develop your voice. Developing your voice may feel like a lonely battle, but it becomes a lot easier when you see blogging as a conversation with your readers.
Thank you for stopping by, Sherman!
Hi Henneke:
I’m working on a piece right now that touches on some of these same points because my struggle to be the “same” and follow the “rules” for writing and blogging online, particularly, has slowed me to nearly stopped, sometimes. Cathy Miller (above) was one of the voices to thankfully point out to me to stop listening so intently to “gurus” and go with being myself. Zig instead of zag, is one of my concepts developed from there. And things are going better, since, too.
A second saving point for me is one you make here and (I believe) have said before but, Kathryn Aragon gave me the first kick in the butt about finding your “voice” and style, etc. in writing, reminding me how improvement and change (hopefully for the better) happens every single day you write and is ongoing until the day you die. (Or stop writing, whatever comes first! haha)
It came down to her saying, “Go ahead and hit the publish button NOW and don’t worry because you will get better.” I feel like it is true. At least, I hope so:)
Thanks for all the good stuff from Henneke’s enchanting perspective and congrats again on your book’s growing fame!
As a rebel, I don’t like following rules either. What I’ve found useful is trying to understand why certain blog posts entice me to read and why others feel bland and boring. Then I made up my own rules, but I do break them now and then (of course!). Too many rules kill your creativity and your confidence. Writing should be fun.
Cathy and Kathryn are absolutely right – keep writing, and keep try to do your best when writing each post, then you’ll improve every time you hit publish. Too much editing can also kill our voices!
Thank you for your lovely comment, Sue-Ann. Happy blogging!
Just remember, you’re unique….. Just like everyone else.
Seriously – I love your posts.
After posting, I realise it should be “Always remember…” I just have to just stop using just..
Thank you, Kelvin.
I also just keep using the word “just.” When I edit, I can always eliminate a few “justs” from my writing!
Henneke, I think you definitely found your voice! And you’re right, its an evolving process. I know I’m not the same writer I was several years ago. We all grow and change. Maybe that’s the most exciting part.
Yes, you’re right – it’s exciting to see how our voice evolves, and how we grow as writers (and as human beings!)
Thank you for your lovely comment, Laurie!
Thank you Henneke,
I needed to hear this.
You’ve got a great voice!
Thank you, Helga. Good to see your name pop up. Happy writing!
Henneke, your uniqueness is revealed in your vulnerability and your willingness to share it.
All the writers and artists we think of as fully-formed geniuses have an acute sense of vulnerability. So they’ve become masters of their craft as a defense mechanism to stave off criticism as much as a tool to express their vision. But the brave act of revealing ourselves is the only way to make our work unique.
So, here’s to the vulnerable and to the brave!
“So they’ve become masters of their craft as a defense mechanism to stave off criticism as much as a tool to express their vision.”
So true… Thank you so much for adding this. I love how you put this, and recognize it in my endeavor to write better and better.
Love this post, Henneke. So true… trying to conform or fit in takes a lot of energy. I find my creative energy is freed up when I drop trying to ‘please’ or live up to other’s or my own expectations.
That’s exactly how I feel, too!
I think there’s a very fine balance. Too much focus on being ourselves can make us sound too self-important, as if we don’t care about our readers. But too much focus on pleasing our readers can make us clam up.
Such a great post Henneke,
This post is written to exactly me. I’ve been up and down trying to fit into this blog world and never end up pulling the trigger because I’m trying to be perfect like everyone seems to be.
Thanks for writing this,
Eric
Hi Eric, I’ve not been able to fit into this blogging world either. You just have to carve out your own patch, find your own tribe.
And nobody is perfect, but you know that already 🙂
Thank you for writing and revealing this post. My writing career has peaks and valleys. I will be glad to see it stabilize into a consistent flow irregardless of my external life circumstances. This post reminds me to start anew and keep being me. Thank you, again.
I find the writing journey the same. Mostly blogging is a pleasure, but some weeks writing feels like wrestling with myself.
I think it’s part of the creative process. We feel restless, we try something new and challenge ourselves to get better, and that’s when the self-doubt kicks us again.
Beautiful … I loved this post and the one on failure.
These kind of self-revealing articles are food for my (writing and self-doubting) soul.
Esp. the counter-intuitive wisdom at the end: “So, stop looking for a unique voice. It’ll come.”
Yes, it’s counter-intuitive, but it seems to work 🙂
As writers, we need to carefully comfort our self-doubting souls and nudge ourselves to keep moving on!
I write a lot about our uniqueness. In fact, it’s part of my business writing tagline. My self-analysis thinks my hang-up…er…focus on uniqueness stems from my middle child syndrome. When you have 6 siblings, you must believe something about you is unique. 😉
I’ve also said I am totally convinced that there are no new ideas. Every time I come up with something I think is pure genius, I find it’s been written, preached, dissected a million time. Okay, maybe only half a million.
This is what I connect to ~ Stay true to yourself, and be honest in your approach. Get to know yourself. Achieving that alone leads to your uniqueness. Thanks, Henneke, for another great post.
Yes, that’s so true. Rarely do people come up with new ideas. Even most novels repeat the same story lines over and over again. We can’t all be Einsteins and Marie Curies.
I don’t know where our craving for uniqueness comes from. Once we let go and try to stay true to ourselves, we become unique without having to force the issue.
Happy writing, Cathy, and thank you for stopping by!
You have the ability to say what I may think but can’t articulate. Thank you for all your inspiration. Follow you religiously.
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Charlotte.
I’ve worried a lot about ‘finding my voice’ too. And you’re right, that when you just express yourself authentically, your voice comes. Why do we make it so complicated? Thanks for this great message!
Yes, I know. We, human beings, have a knack for making things as complicated as possible 😉
Great post, and the timing is spot on perfect for me, right now – it’s a keeper!
Great post Henneke! I can relate to your feelings about being unique. Sometimes that recording in my head starts playing things like “what can I offer that hasn’t been already discovered?” Then I need to remind myself that I am unique and have a unique message that no one has ever said in quite the same way even if I have seen similar messages. I tend to wrestle back and forth with these feelings. I will keep your post handy to read when I am drifting towards that negative place to help pull me back to my uniqueness:)
Yes, that’s so true! Everything has been said before, but we’ve not heard it in your words yet. Grasping this idea can free up a lot of creative energy, too 🙂
Thank you, Peggy. Happy writing!
Your words inspire and your ability to connect with your audience is impressive. I was talking to my husband the other day, about what a talented writer you are in getting your message across. Your blogs are very encouraging and helpful to me as a writer.
I like your comment about following your curiosity as one of my favorite authors, Elizabeth Gilbert, wrote about this topic. She said that often people tell you to follow your passion, but it can be difficult if you are unsure of your passion. It is much better to let yourself follow your curiosity to see where it will take you. It is on this path that you discover who and what you stand for. Thank-you for your post!
I’ve Elizabeth Gilbert’s book about creativity on my to-read list! I viewed her TED talk about creativity which I really enjoyed.
I’ve always find the concept of “following your passion” quite difficult to implement. Following my curiosity feels a lot more doable; it’s more like an undulating journey of discovery rather than a straight path following your passion towards a dream job.
Thank you for your lovely comment, Diana.
I love the idea of following your curiosity! I am curious about so many things but like you have found the concept of following my passion quite hard to grasp.
Will check out the Elizabeth Gilbert Ted Talk.
Thanks Henneke…I always look forward to your newsletters.
That Ted Talk is well worth watching!
And I’m glad I’m not the only one who didn’t know how to follow my passion 🙂
Great article Henneke, as usual, it’s a pleasure to read it.
As you said before, it’s hard to feel ‘unique’ in this current world!
By the way, I completely agree with this statement ‘You discover your uniqueness when you learn which clients you hate working with and which clients energize you, when you realize which projects make you feel most alive. Your voice appears in conversation with your readers, when you learn whom you love writing for and which topics resonates most.’
What you wrote is so clear and simple, it’s the key to realize which path we should follow! Thanks for these words that shed light on a question that has haunted me since some months ago!!
Big hug from the South of South America! Montevideo, Uruguay!!
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Andrea; and lovely to “meet” you! It’s such a pleasure to discover readers from all over the world 🙂
Happy writing!
This is going to be my mantra: “When you stop trying to conform, you free up a lot of energy.”
That really resonated with me.
Thanks, Henneke!
I found it to be really true. Trying to conform and be someone else IS exhausting!
‘Trying to plan everything stops you from doing the work’
I like that.
It is true that we are all very much alike. Writing is acting, too 😉
I feel writing is like choosing which parts to reveal and which to hide. Is that a form of acting?
Absolutely stunning. Can’t believe you of all writers don’t think you’re special. You definitely stand apart from most writers.
Anyway, this came at the right time. I feel I am a good writer, but I don’t write with humor. Funnily though, I write with humor in my natural health writing, but natural health kind of bores me nowadays.
I love writing about digital marketing, but feel I lack personality when I write on this topic.
Altogether odd.
Perhaps my personality is still coming 😉 I hope so!
To write with personality, humor can help, but I don’t think it’s obligatory. Telling your own stories, sharing your unique experiences, and dreaming up fresh metaphors can all help add personality to your writing.
Don’t worry too much about personality in your writing. Keep writing and experimenting and it’ll come!
Awesome post, Henneke. Thank you!
You’re welcome 🙂
Hi Henneke,
I was attracted by the title itself. Personally, people do two things, either follow the unique people or leave them alone. But after reading your post I have got some new points which I likely be using in future.
Thanks for the share
I think all creative work builds on what others have created before us. We don’t leave the unique people alone, we learn from them, emulate them, and in the process create our own voice, our own uniqueness.
Thanks for being willing to share this and make a difference. It’s powerful, no matter where we are, to know we’re all in this together and experience the same doubts.
Yes, that’s so true – whether we’re beginners or more advanced writers the doubts continue to creep up, just in slightly different guises.
Hey Henneke,
Beautiful message here.
We’re all unique. I think we just have to believe in ourselves enough to see and know that. And you’re right about conforming. When you stop trying to conform, you better yourself and put yourself on the path to being unique.
That quote by Austin Kleon is something I love and believe is so true.
Kudos for this powerful message here, Henneke.
Have a terrific week.
– Andrew
Yes, that’s so true. We have to keep believing in ourselves!
Have you read Austin Kleon’s books? I especially love “Steal Like an Artist.”
No I have not, but I’m definitely checking out the site now to purchase some of his books.
Excellent piece – and a unique take on how to find your voice. Thanks.
Thank you, Fiona.
The post builds on the work from Austin Kleon and Todd Henry – that’s why I quoted them both. You’ll probably enjoy their work, too!
Hi Henneke,
Thanks for writing this post! You won’t know how many are suffering from this problem and speaking of my this very feeling to become unique and special has always gnawed my very existence.
During blogging, I was lucky to find and follow these TOP blogs that they are (like Kristi Hines, QuickSprout, Copyblogger and HuffPo etc) and though the goodness they injected in me is tremendous and valuable, they also slowly projected a fear in me.
The fear was I did not write like them. I did not know things like them and I did not have a VOICE like them!
I have eventually learnt that my fear was irrational and even though it still smirks from some corner of my heart, I know your post will hit it on the nose!
Thanks.
-Swadhin
“The fear was I did not write like them. I did not know things like them and I did not have a VOICE like them!”
I think every writer suffers from this fear at several points during their writing careers. The fear seems to ebb and flow. But don’t let it put you off. Keep writing!