“I’d like to reach through the screen, shove the clutter aside, and wipe a tear from my reader’s eye,” P. wrote to me.
Do you ever feel like that, too?
In recent weeks, I started a blog post about how you can write for SEO without killing your creativity. I even drew a diagram already. I was quite proud of it.
But somehow, my rebellious brain resisted. I wanted to write something different. Something warmer, and kinder.
I promise to finish and publish that post another time if you think it’d be useful. (Yes?)
But today, I’d also like to shove the clutter aside, and I’d like to show you how to reach through the screen …
A conversation with a compassionate, wise friend
In September 2018, singer and songwriter Nick Cave started his blog The Red Hand Files to answer questions from fans:
When I started the Files I had a small idea that people were in need of more thoughtful discourse. I felt a similar need. I felt that social media was by its nature undermining both nuance and connectivity. I thought that, for my fans at least, The Red Hand Files could go some way to remedy that.
Within two years, Nick Cave has received over 30,000 questions from his fans, and he’s written more than 200 answers. Some questions are more typical fan questions such as what are his favorite books, songs, musicians, or poems.
But other questions are deeply philosophical, like when Pablo asks, What is love for you? This is a part of Cave’s answer:
Love has something to do with the notion of being seen—the opposite of invisibility. (…) To truly see someone—anyone—is an act that acknowledges and forgives our common and imperfect humanity. Love enacts a kind of vigilant perception—whether it is to a partner, a child, a co-worker, a neighbour, a fellow citizen, or any other person one may encounter in this life. Love says softly—I see you. I recognise you. You are human, as am I.
This is very much how Cave’s writing feels. He tells his readers: I hear you. I see you.
His writing isn’t a monologue. It feels like he’s here with us, listening to us and sharing his wisdom. No matter how many people are reading his content, it feels like he’s having a conversation as one human being with one other human being.
Making a true connection
Cave’s answers don’t sound like the average self-help book. His answers are based on his own lived experience. For instance, Marko asks what to do when the lyrics aren’t coming:
In my experience, lyrics are almost always seemingly just not coming. This is the tearful ground zero of song writing—at least for some of us. This lack of motion, this sense of suspended powerlessness, can feel extraordinarily desperate for a songwriter. But the thing you must hold on to through these difficult periods, as hard as it may be, is this—when something’s not coming, it’s coming. It took me many years to learn this, and to this day I have trouble remembering it.
The idea of lyrics ‘not coming’ is basically a category error. What we are talking about is not a period of ‘not coming’ but a period of ‘not arriving’.
As an accomplished songwriter, it’s no surprise that Cave knows how to write well. He chooses his words carefully, he writes concisely, he uses visual language, and of course his writing has rhythm.
But there’s a rawness to his writing, too. He polishes his words but not his life. He writes about being creatively blocked, dealing with his inner critic, about despair and grieving for his son.
Cave shows up with his flaws, and I like how he suggests sharing his vulnerabilities online has made him stronger:
The Red Hand Files have played a significant part in this feeling of resilience to the capricious and indifferent nature of the world, they have made me stronger. Each answer I write seems to be an act of surrender, but at the same time a kind of armouring up—vulnerability as a form of protection.
Showing our vulnerability makes us real and less afraid, and it’s at the heart of real human connections and friendship. Instead of polishing our rough edges, we can share our struggles and even celebrate being imperfect.
That’s how we connect. It’s how we feel seen and let others feel seen.
Care for your readers
What I also like about Cave is that he seems truly grateful to his readers. He even apologizes when he has taken a long time to answer Liii who asks, How long will I be alone:
I am sorry I have taken so long to answer this question. You sent it to The Red Hand Files almost nine months ago and I have carried it with me all this time, wanting to answer, but never quite knowing how. I think this little question has stayed with me, not just because of the lovely beat of pathos in it, but also because of its extraordinary existential reach. It seemed that it spoke to all of us, yet it felt simply beyond me to answer.
No matter how tough the question is, Cave always finds a spark of hope. Here’s how he finishes his letter to Liii on being alone:
As I sat on the plane travelling to Reykjavik for the last show of my ‘In Conversation’ tour, I felt suddenly that there was something I could say to you. Having spent much time travelling on this tour alone, it struck me that your question didn’t have to be answered, but simply acknowledged; that to reach out to you, as you reached out to me, could in itself be the answer and, perhaps, a remedy—to say to you, you are not alone, we are here, and that we, a multitude, are thinking of you.
The Red Hand Files covers a wide range of topics, and you probably write about different matters. But no matter what we write about, we can all learn from Cave on how to show up for our readers.
3 Lessons for content marketers
1. To write like a human, write as if writing to one real person
Cave addresses his fans at the start of each answer with Dear Pablo or Dear Tim, and he ends all his letters with a variation of Love, Nick. As a reader, even if you’ve not raised the question, even if your name is not at the top of the letter, it still feels like the letter is written for you, too.
This is the magic of writing about a common human problem to one person. You do not have to write Dear so-and-so at the top of each article, but do write as if you’re having a conversation with only one reader. Brew a cup of tea, and invite your reader for a chat.
2. To make genuine connections, be whole-hearted
Wholehearted human beings show up as they are, imperfectly.
Even if you write about less philosophical and less emotional topics, you can find ways to show up in your writing and be yourself. Don’t be afraid to show your vulnerabilities, to share your stories. Nobody is perfect, and our vulnerabilities allow us to connect.
3. Care deeply
Cave cares about his fans and it shows in his writing. He takes time to compose and edit his answers. His words express his wisdom clearly, vividly, and succinctly. That’s not a rush job.
When Brett asks how long it takes him to answer questions, Cave replies: It takes fucking ages. It shows.
There is no shortcut to caring for your readers. If you care, you put the quality of your writing above quantity, and you put meaningful connections above optimizing productivity.
How to engage readers in an intimate conversation
As small businesses, freelancers, and solopreneurs, it can sometimes feel like we’re drowned out by all the online noise.
We are not able to produce the amount of content that big marketing teams can.
But we have a big advantage.
Like Nick Cave, we can be more human in our writing. We can connect truly with our readers. We can share our wisdom, our stories, our real-life lessons.
We can make the online world more real.
And perhaps we can all spread a little kindness, too.
The Enchanting Blog Writing course (rated 4.9 out of 5.0) teaches you how to captivate, educate, and inspire your readers.
“I write for the charitable sector, and now when I sign off on an article it feels completely different. I am confident that I have written something helpful for my reader in a way that will engage them from start to the finish. The process of writing is easier, and I’m really enjoying it.”
Recommended reading on engaging your readers:
How to write like a human (wholeheartedly)
How to write in a conversational tone
How to write with compassion
When writing in conversation is it okay to ask questions? Without a reply to them? Also how many sentences can one headline have? Thanks
A headline is usually (a part of) one sentence. There are exceptions where headlines are two sentences. You’ll find more about headlines here: https://www.enchantingmarketing.com/blog-headlines/ (and in my new course: https://www.enchantingmarketing.com/enchanting-headline-writing-course/).
And yes, it’s okay to ask questions. You’ll find more details on using questions in your writing here: https://www.enchantingmarketing.com/humble-writing-technique/
This is a useful article because I am always trying to make my writing friendly and conversational, but it is easier said than done. This article gives me some wonderful tips. I am interested in the post you mention about writing for SEO without killing creativity. Can you point me to it? Sorry to have to put this in the comments section but I can’t seem to find it.
I haven’t finalized that blog post yet. I hope to publish it before the end of this year. Stay tuned 🙂
This was a really interesting reply that makes me ask if you could give some examples of how long (or little) ideas for articles / posts might be in limbo before you put them out for us. (And, do any ever die while in limbo?)
Mostly, once I’ve written a first draft, I’ll finalize and publish it within a week or two. There are some exceptions. Sometimes because I’ve worked in advance because I know a busy time is coming up. Posts rarely die in limbo.
I do have a few blog posts for which I haven’t written a full draft yet. Maybe I’ve jotted down some ideas. Mostly, I still need to gather examples before I can write the post. For instance, I once wrote a post about the passive voice and it took me a year before I had found the right examples.
I’ll add that the drawings do reach out, also. Some truly long for the day (Tuesday mornings, in my world) when another drawing made “just for us” arrives.
To prove that, let me tell you: I was mentioning you to my husband, who is NOT a word person. He is mathematical and cannot even pronounce all his words correctly. But when I mentioned your name, he said, “Is she the one who draws all those sunny cartoons?”
Sometimes it’s about the sunshine. 🙂
Awww, what a lovely compliment … to be remembered as the one drawing sunny cartoons ❤️
🙂
Got teary-eyed reading this. There is something so brave and magical in freeing ourselves to be vulnerable with others. This is something I strive to work on. 🙂
When I was rereading The Red Hand Files (to select quotes for this blog post), I got teary-eyed, too, and it wasn’t the first time. His writing connects so strongly, and it’s so warm and thoughtful.
While every one is on a mission to teach people and tell their boring stories, you are refreshing, engaging like a fresh breeze of air. I am glad I have found your articles!!
Thank you so much, Preeti. What a lovely compliment!
This is my new manifesto! Thank you so much. I’m in the midst of editing the first 3 modules of an online leadership development community and your post has captured perfectly the tone I want to strike with my members. I love your invitation to make the online world more real and spread a little kindness.
Thank you so much for your comment, Deborah. I’m glad this resonated with you.
Good luck with editing the modules for your community! I hope you’re keeping safe and well.
I have discovered your wisdom almost 2 years ago!
Needless to say that. . . whenever I feel overwhelmed with my work, visiting your site is one of the most refreshing & relaxing activities!
Awww, that’s a lovely compliment. Thank you so much, Sarantos. That means a lot to me.
I read your articles with great pleasure. You write like a good friend, without boring teachings.
Thank you so much, Alla 🙂
As always, your blog posts are highly educational and soul-soothing at the same time. And I know that you have achieved that by treating the readers so kindly. Thank you a lot for more than a good read.
All my best,
Zoe
Awww, what a lovely compliment. Thank you so much, Zoe. You put a smile on my face today 🙂
Happy writing!
Thank you so much Henneke for sharing this example of caring, empathy, human connection and showing appreciation of the importance of properly engaging with your readers. All writers, wherever they ply their skills, need to be aware of their readers and treat them with the respect they deserve. These people have taken time out to absorb your information, and even to respond to let you know how they feel. The very least a writer can do is to acknowledge this sufficiently.
Yes, I so agree with you. When people take time to read our writing, we better make them feel our was worth their time.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Alice. I appreciate it.
Thank you for this and everything you share <3 I also wanted you to know, that also that post about writing for SEO without killing creativity is desperately needed 😀
Thank you, Nina, for letting me know you’d like the post about writing for SEO, too. It sounds like I definitely need to finish it 🙂
Another banger from the Almighty Henneke!
Thanks for this blog post and I’m going to save this one in my swipe file.
Am looking forward to the SEO writing post.
Thank you, Emmanuel. This one was very much thanks to the mighty Nick Cave 🙂
I note your vote on the SEO post, too. Thanks!
Thank you, thank you for introducing me to Nick Cave and the Red Hand Files. His astonishingly beautiful words and deeply philosophical answers hit my heart today.
Another one of your posts I’ll come back to again and again.
Nick Cave’s writing seems to touch me every time I read it. It’s so thoughtful and also tender.
I hope you’re keeping safe and well.
Beautiful post! 🙂
Thank you, Ali
This post is a real eye-opener. I was writing an e.book and was, as usual, getting stuck in some places. I kept on wondering how to make the writing more conversational? How to connect with my readers on a personal level?
The most important lesson that I learnt here ‘is to be you’. Portray yourself to your readers as you are. It becomes synthetic when we try to cover up our faults. And portray ourselves as perfect. That can never be. Because we are not.
Portraying something which we are not would mean, to me not only cheating the readers but also myself. The trick is to let it go, and write as you are. Of course with much care and affection, which would allow them to come much closer to you.
Yes, that’s a good summary. We do not need to share all our faults and weaknesses but we shouldn’t show ourselves as perfect either. It’s up to you to set your own boundaries of what to share. Good luck with your ebook!
This post reminds me that what I’ve doing for years in my training (1990 to 2005) I usually used an anecdote from my personal life to explain a concept or idea. Back then, about 15% of my participants didn’t like it AND 85% did. I’ve always had a personal/ open/ honest style. Thanks for reminding me that it’s the best/ most meaningful way to write 🙏🇨🇦
It’s always impossible to please everyone. Better to connect more strongly with your true fans. 🙂
Thank you Henneke for this timely and thoughtful post. With all that’s going on in the world and changing on a daily basis, it’s hard to find a reason, or inspiration, to make that human connection. Your posts are always so positive and inspiring!
Yes, I find it hard, too. I’m finding that my natural reaction is to retreat. But I’m learning that finding the energy and summoning the inspiration to make connections is worth it. Thank you for stopping by, Randy. I appreciate your comment.
Thank you, Henneke, for this post. I’m not familiar with Nick Cave but I will seek him out after reading this. I appreciate the questions you ask yourself, the reach that you attempt for yourself and for us. I always look forward to reading what you write and feel more able to engage with the world afterward. Thank you for keeping on.
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Kim.
Trying to engage with the world feels like a lifelong learning process to me. Trying to get a little better every year.
Just as I struggled with a post I found too instructing, and not equally friendly, you show up in my inbox to show me the way just like magic. 🙂
And yes, I could use some SEO tips too, I’d prefer receiving them from a friend like you. Your insights make my writing so much better, thank you!
How magical! I guess that most of us (me, too!) struggle with this from time to time 🙂
And thank you for your nudge on the SEO post. I’ll make sure I’ll finish it. Thank you, Susanna. Good to “see” you!
Dear Henneke,
Thank you for this gift. It’s inspiration for those of us trying to write and connect with our readers and it’s balm for the soul in this uncertain and trying times. I also like the way you let us in on your process of deciding what to share and when.
Quality is better than quantity and connection is better than knowledge. Vulnerability is truly linked to strength.
Wonderful reminders.
with gratitude,
Kate
Thank you so much, Kate. I love that you call this a balm for the soul because I think that’s very much why I wanted to write this.
Connecting can feel so hard in these fraught times. These were reminders for myself, too.
With gratitude for your comment. 💜
This post may just be my absolute favorite.
As always, thanks Henneke.
Aww, thank you, Anita. That means a lot to me. Nick Cave was an excellent source of inspiration.
There you go again, Henneke! Taking us to a place where we can not only improve our writing skills, we can improve our human skills. 😊
What a lovely comment. Thank you, Stan 😊
I love the idea of writing a post as though it were a letter. Thank you for introducing me to The Red Hand Files. And I look forward to the SEO article. SEO is my stumbling block. Thanks, Henneke, as always.
I hope you’ll enjoy The Red Hand Files, too. His writing is thoughtful and tender.
And yes, I will finish that post and publish it. Hopefully this year! Thanks for the nudge 🙂
Just what I needed today. Often when I write for my website blog it feels so artificial that I find it hard to post. This approach seem so much better – being authentically ourselves.
PS I always need help with SEO writing – especially sounding like a human not simply a promoter. I hope you do share that article at some point.
Yes, I will try to finish it and publish it some time this year. Thank you for the nudge!
Hi Henneke,
I have bookmarked many of your great posts, and this one is no exception. Such a great message for us, writers, who want to connect deeply to our audience. It’s not just getting readership but also speaking to them, and supporting them through our writing. I love that you use the inspiration from Nick Cave as an example. Really help to clarify the point. All in all, thanks for such an amazing post.
Thank you so much, Naomi. I like how you’ve put this: “It’s not just about getting readership but also speaking to them.” So true. It’s the only way to make our writing meaningful and build relationships.
I think you wrote this article by some sort of a telepathy. Just this week I wrote an article starting with Dear … wrote it as if I was writing a letter to one person, stating in there how much I miss writing long form letters like I used to. I really enjoyed writing it and it came effortlessly. But I didn’t post it. I wanted to sit on it for a little while, think it over whether it is okay to send out such a personal and intimate article. Now I know it is. For some reason I am getting sick of writing ‘self-help,’ ‘ preachy articles. Thanks for showing me that my instinct was right.
I feel it can be hard to find the balance. We do want to share tutorials and tips but we also want to be real. Where the balance is exactly is different for everyone.
If you personally feel tired of writing and publishing “preachy” articles than I’d say follow your gut instinct and make it a little more real and intimate. See where it leads you.
Thanks for this “wholeheartedly-written” article Henneke that really resonated with me. Genuine meaningful connections are what we’re all striving for but to do so, as you say, we have to be ready to embrace vulnerability, which takes courage. As Brian Kramer says, there’s no B2B, or B2C now, it’s human to human.
Yes, that’s so true. It’s always human to human, sometimes a bit more polished, sometimes a bit more raw or rough.
How long will I be alone – is a question that makes me extremely sad. I can imagine he found it hard to answer.
It is all about being a real person, this whole damn blogging thing.
I found it really telling that he “carried” the question with him for 9 months. And he did write a heartfelt answer. He truly cares, and he’s real.
Superb post. It made me question my own humanity…in a good way 🙂
It has made me think, too.