How are you coping, my friend?
We’re living in strange times where most of us have seen our world turned upside down and routines disrupted.
Collectively, we’re probably more worried and anxious than ever before.
We don’t know how long this is going to take, and whether life will ever feel normal again. We’re worried about our health, our loved ones, our finances, the future.
How do you cope with your worries?
I’ve always been a worrier
I used to ignore my worries as much as possible. My mantra was to keep my chin up and battle on.
But when I got injured in a car accident and when I had to deal with chronic pain and fatigue, my worries seemed to grow too big. I felt overwhelmed by trying to care for my injured body, and I didn’t know how to cope, mentally and physically.
I’d like to share how I learned to let my worries go so I could find the mental space to write and still feel productive.
But this is not a post about productivity.
Because this is not a time for optimizing productivity. This is a time to be gentle with yourself.
A story about boulders
I was recently reminded of a classic Buddhist parable by the Burrito Bowl Diaries:
Three monks are out for a walk—one wise, old monk and two of his younger disciples. The older monk points at a large boulder and asks his disciples, “Is that boulder heavy?” The younger monks find it an unusual question. “Of course, that boulder is heavy!”
“But,” says the old monk, “it’s only heavy if you pick it up.”
Think of that boulder as representing your worries. Worries feel heavy when we pick them up and carry them on our shoulders and in our souls.
When I got ill, I lost my sense of normalcy. I was tired all the time. I was confused about my self-identity. Who was I when I could hardly work anymore?
To me, it’s was not a matter of letting boulders lie. I was carrying those boulders already. They were crushing me. How could I put them down?
Boulders grow in uncertain times
We’re living in a confusing time.
Fear, anger, worry, exhaustion, overwhelm, grief, and stress are wearing us down, and 24-hr news and social media make it even harder to concentrate, reminding us of our boulders all the time.
There’s currently a lot we can’t control …
- Where the virus is already
- How others are behaving
- How long this will go on for
- How on edge everyone is
- What decisions our governments are taking
- The conspiracy theories swirling around
But there are things I can control …
- I can wash my hands
- I can ration my social media usage
- I can be kind to others and to myself
- I can get back in touch with old friends
- I can carve out space to do things that nurture my soul—like writing or drawing
What would be on your list of Can vs. Can’t control?
Trying to keep what we can’t control in check is a perfect recipe for heavy boulders, exhausted bodies, and bruised souls.
When we focus instead on the small things we can control, it becomes easier to put boulders down and concentrate on what we want to do.
Putting our boulders down doesn’t mean we’re ignoring or denying our feelings. The opposite is true. We acknowledge our feelings. We feel our feelings. We let them be, and then let go.
How to put your boulders down
When I feel too overwhelmed and distracted to write, I first brew a cup of tea.
I sit down and briefly focus on the soothing smell of my decaf green tea. Next, I take a moment to notice how restless my mind is. What thoughts are swirling around? I feel the anxiety and tension in my body. Then I let the feelings and thoughts be, and I set a timer to start writing.
The productivity gurus tell us we must write for 25 minutes straight before we’re allowed a 5-minute break. It’s great if that works for you. I need to consider how tired, overwhelmed, or anxious I am, and I adapt my writing target based on that. Sometimes, I write for 10 minutes before taking a long break. Difficult times require us to adjust our targets.
But you know what?
I’ve learned I can be happy with writing for 10 minutes.
Boulders are heavy, and carrying them is exhausting
But putting them down—no matter how briefly—frees up energy to focus on something else—like writing, drawing, studying, helping your kids, or listening better to a friend.
And when you create the mental space to focus on activities that nurture your soul and make you feel alive, it becomes easier to put your worries in perspective.
Boulders are big and scary up close
When worries grow big and overwhelming, all you can see is the grey of the boulders. Everything feels heavy and worrisome.
However, when you practice putting boulders down, you learn to take a step back. You may notice that the boulder is smaller than you thought. You see that flower peeking around the boulder, and hear a bird singing.
When I look up, I see the clouds, and I know that this too shall pass.
Stay safe, my friend.
Recommended reading on worrying less
How to tiptoe to inner peace in 3 steps
Why I ditched my gratitude journal
How to get into your writing zone
Great writing Henneke and that example of boulders is really worked actually your post is not only useful in that corona pandemic because we often stuck between our worries, some difficult situations and just we overthinking about these, and then we saw all these problems just like these boulders and we don’t have power and courage to put down that boulder your post is really very helpful now I really try your tips to put down that boulder thanks for sharing
Thank you, Bilal. I’m glad you’ve found this helpful. Carrying boulders is so exhausting. It’s worth making the effort to put them down.
It is better to don’t take too serious about something which distract you or they are giving the negative mindset to you. You just do your own work without taking worries. Worries are only effect the wrong with your health. So try to be cool even at the little moment you get.
I have read the blog you shared Henneke . I just love to engage with your blog
Yes, so true. Worries can have a negative effect on our health. If only it was easier to put them down and ignore them!
People should read this blog, especially now during this corona virus pandemic time. I love the way you write. Thanks
Thank you, Lavli. I’m glad you enjoyed this. Take care.
Hi Henneke, very nice post, worry is one part of our life, it make our life more colorful!! But don’t let it make us down.
I want to add my tip, when i do worry so much about things happen around my life, I do list down just 3 things I need to do at that time, and break it to tiny goals.
When i finish a tiny goal, my confidence is slowly increased, and I do feel better. Gradually, I can get back my confidence and get away from worries.
That’s such a good point. Thank you for adding it, Julie. I also find that action, no matter how small, can often reduce worries and feelings of overwhelm.
Hi Henneke,
Your writing is so empathetic that readers get connected easily.
I love the way you write.
Thank you so much for your compliment, Nilesh.
Worries are part of everybody’s life today.There is no one who is free from it.Your ideas are really very helpful in putting it aside.Thanks for sharing such a wonderful and unique post.
Yes, so true: No one is worry free.
I’m glad you found this post helpful. Thank you for stopping by, Sushant.
I’ve been in the same position, I am a worrier too! I found since my chronic illness got worse that worrying is actually as bad as stress, it affects me really badly.
I need to roll those boulders away!
I’ve had the same experience. Worry exacerbates stress and it can create a downward spiral. Better to roll those boulders away and stay focused on the here and now.
Thank you for stopping by, Sam. I hope you’re staying safe.
Love what you share and how you share it, as always. The boulder metaphor is so vivid. And the drawing of Henrietta at the end made me smile. It’s a gloomy day here, and I needed some sunshine! Thank you.
Thank you for stopping by, Deborah. It’s good to “see” you again, and I’m glad Henrietta and the sunshine made you smile. This too shall pass.
People should read this blog, especially now during this corona virus pandemic time. Thanks Henneke.
I hope you’re safe and well, Daniel!
Worry. Yeah, I have heavy Worries but your post tell me how to I put aside and Go ahead ?
Thank you so much ❤️
I’m sorry your worries are so heavy. I hope you’ll be able to put them down. Putting them down for even a few minutes can help. ❤️
Hi Henneke,
Wonderful Post!
It feels good to be here and reading the article.
Your boulder story is very powerful and I loved reading it.
Thanks for motivation & inspiring us.
Regards & Best Wishes to you!
Thank you so much for stopping by, Sophie. I find the boulder story very useful, too. I hope you’re safe and well. ❤️
I like the way you write Henneke.
You make this worry topic so easier to ignore.
I see people who take all the tensions of the world themselves and found in grief and in stress most of the time.
Your idea of a green tea really awesome.
Thanks
I love green tea! 🙂
Thank you for stopping by again, Faizan. I appreciate it.
It feels so great to be here again, and actually reading this. You never stop to amaze us, Henneke.
Thank you for stopping by, Miracle.
Thank you Henneke for this post. I loved the boulder story. So powerful and easy to remember.
I’ll think of it every time I feel overwhelmed or worried, and focus on the things I can do something about. ♥️
I love the boulder story, too. It’s such an apt metaphor as worries often do feel like heavy loads on our shoulders.
Thank you for stopping by, Sam. ?
Thanks for the inspiring thoughts here. Surely you lifted a soul out from murky perspectives these trying times. Keep safe.
I’m glad you found it helpful, Mhan. Stay safe and be well.
Wow!
An excellent story at the right time.
This too shall pass!
Yes, this too shall pass!
Love your writing style. It makes the reader feel you are there talking with them. Thank you.
Thank you, Pat. That’s how it also feels to me.
Bonjour Henneke,
Je suis Française, but i am going to write in English… ….but before, 1000 apologies for all the faults to come ….I would like to tell my story here, and I know that maybe some will recognize each other …. also, I know that it will help during this confinement, (against) this damn virus and other ills that we are going through, with which we live today, …. rich, poor, white, black, believers or not in short everyone (and above all) …..rich, poor, white, black, believers or not, in short everyone (and above all) all strata of society, good thinkers, knowing, those who lead us (good or bad), those who work the land, but the list is so long …. really everyone on our planet, our dear planet …. and what distinguishes us all today as before our last day: is that with this event so special , well, we are all on the same STEP ….
here we are, when I was a child, culture, learning had no place, because the priority was to be able to eat …. our father worked hard … he was a veteran … this man so dear to my heart, deceased today …. worked alone to make us eat … so far nothing exceptional … except, that in today’s world education is so essential to our lives, that it was necessary, as an adult, that I train in education, my level of education was so poor … my reasoning, at that time so fragile …. it took me a lot of time, to return to school as an adult to resume, learn ….. and thus be able to express myself, say things too, even if they are not important, but so essential. …
…. Today, we are paralyzed, normal, this virus and come to harm us … but, what we forget too quickly, and it can be understood, we are human, our emotions are there to brake us, move us forward, alert us, in short, to make us feel alive ….. YES, we are alive, yes, I also think of all those who have left us, those who will leave us … but, we must fight for those who are present, for our families, for Love, yes, for love what those who carry us … whatever our history, good, bad, painful, … N ‘do not be afraid, we move forward as we already did our elders, we learn, as we go along, and once again, the men and women that we are are going to move forward …..
each generation has its own special events …. today and yesterday, together, yes together we will win because we are resourceable … again and again …..
So, a big thank you to you Henneke and to all those who will pass by, thank you for thinking of us, thank you for telling us in your own way the things of life, yes, these things of life which remind us how much the life is Beautiful …
I ALL of us wish everyone the BEST, the joyful, the laughter, the LOVE …. and this freedom that we thought we had lost will be lived more intensely … we will remember the good smell of this darling freedom. … I kiss you all very hard and @ soon
Médoc Ocean – Nzh
Bonjour, Nzh,
I’m so sorry your father has passed away. Sending you a message of peace and love. May you find the strength to deal with your loss. ?
Bonsoir Heneke
merci beaucoup et merci too for your good vibes !
LNzh
I just love the way the illustrations depict the mood. As i scrolled down, I was so happy to see the boulder still there but with sunshine in the background. I always draw inspiration from your blogs for effective design and use of words. And frankly, not just this, most of your blogs calm me down immediately :-).
I stumbled upon your site when I was looking for tips on writing good content for my website. That endeavor is still on and i’m almost there. I use a simple test to check if my content is simple and readable. I open my page read a paragraph and in the adjacent tab, i open any of your pages and read your content. After this, when I get back to my page, I immediately realize which words were heavy, out of context or unnecessary :-).
What an interesting exercise! I’m glad to know that my writing is inspiring you and helping you write better.
Also, thank you for your compliment on my writing and illustrations.
Regarding the illustrations—I wanted to make sure I had a positive drawing at the end (it’s why this post has more than one drawing). I’m glad you commented on the positive change in the last one. Thank you.
I was sorry to hear about your car accident and resulting chronic pain. Traumatic incidents and their flashbacks are a major cause of personal anxiety. Battle scarred soldiers experiencing crippling PTSD are extreme examples. I have accepted that anxiety is natural. Worrying can boost adrenalin leading to resolving problems or meet tight deadlines. There is a lot of on-line anxiety busting help. I like this breathing advice. Find a relaxed, comfortable position, let your breath flow as deeply as comfortable into your belly without forcing it, try breathing in a relaxed manner and count from 1 to 5. Then without pausing or holding your breath, let your breath flow out gently, counting from 1 to 5 again. Try doing this for up to 5 minutes daily.
Yes, it’s so true—some anxiety and stress are natural, and it can help us focus and perform better. Just knowing that can help, too. I enjoyed Kelly McGonical’s book The Upside of Stress.
Thank you for stopping by and sharing the breathing exercise. I hope you’re staying safe and well.
Thanks for this post Henneke, I am really struggling. I feel I am completely divided by my rational mind and my emotional mind – a bit what you describe when you had your accident. Half of the day I am one personality (I am able to write, to create content, to show up and entertain others on social media) and the other half I am worried and exhausted with anxiety, with all the questions and worries you describe in this post. How are you dealing with it? How are you dealing with work responsibilities and guilt?
I think I’ve been learning in the past years to put my health first, to accept doing less, and to be kinder to myself—I don’t always need to achieve more; I don’t need to push myself so much. When I’m tired, I can let myself be tired. Processing emotions takes time and energy, so I learned to make time for that. I also think in the time we’re living now, it’s normal to have a lot of emotions and that guzzles up a lot of energy. We have to let that process happen somehow.
In terms of work, I focus on what the essentials are so I can still make a living. I found it incredibly hard to tell myself it was okay to blog only once a month last year. I felt like I was letting people down but I realized it was just me thinking this. I learned it’s okay to do less and that I’m not any less worthy (of love, of belonging, of feeling valued) when I work fewer hours and produce less.
Sending you a virtual hug. ?
These are kind and compassionate thoughts Henneke. In terms of blogging, right now I am letting go of the burden of trying to get more sales in. Rather I am focusing on creating useful content and making my blog more user friendly.
Thank you.
I hope it feels good to let go of a burden!
I also want to mention, in case others are reading this, that we shouldn’t be afraid to market our businesses in these times, as long as we do it with integrity.
I hope you’re staying safe and well, Trishan. Thank you for stopping by.
Hello Henneke,
Thanks For Your Words.
I Love The Way You Put It About The Big Stone And Worries.
You Are Right.
Anyway Thanks.
Regards,
Lubosi Jr Maboshe
Thank you, Lubosi Jr. I hope you’re staying safe and well.
A high standard as usual, Henneke. The boulder story reminds me of a Biblical psalm which goes: “Throw your burden on Jehovah, And he will sustain you. Never will he allow the righteous one to fall.” (Psalm 55:22)
Similar to throwing a ball, once you throw it to someone else you’ve literally cast it off so its being in your possession is no longer your concern. With a burden though, even if we’ve cast it away, we still tend to carry it in many cases. Therefore our trouble remains and we get no relief.
Thanks again – best wishes with staying indoors and a swift end to the dreaded COVID-19.
Yes, so true: we can easily throw a ball but casting away a boulder is much more difficult. It seems like the harder the effort we apply to carry our boulders, the harder it is to put them down. Fortunately, with practice it gets easier.
Hope you’re staying safe and well, too, Paul.
Thank You Henneke for such a motivational deep message so beautifully…!!! But great news for you is that I am managing my stress and recharging my soul by reading your blogs daily.
Learning + Growing
What a lovely compliment and what an honor that my blog can help you recharge your soul. Thank you so much for sharing, Tehmina. Stay safe. ?
Dear Henneke,
Thank you for those tips to manage our worries. It can be overwhelming at times, but we can cope with those tips.
Thank you once again.
Best wishes,
Vinod
Thank you, Vinod. I hope you’re staying safe and healthy.
Love it Henneke. Thank you.
Thank you, Robert. I hope you’re keeping safe and well.
Thank you for the kind words, Henneke.
I love and try to learn from all of your stories, advices and great examples. You do inspire and to me you’re an amazing writer and a mentor.
This particular post though touched my heart and I’m hoping for all of us to put down our darkest worries and fears.
Stay strong, safe, positive and keep up the fantastic work.
I believe now is the time to stop, think and find what really makes us happy. We should become better versions of ourselves.
Thank you so much for adding your thoughts, Doby. Taking the time to stop and reflect, and become better versions of ourselves sounds like a good way to use this enforced slowing down of life.
(I appreciate that many people are actually working extremely hard at this time to keep us safe, too, and I’m grateful to them.)
First, as an artist’s mom, I have to say: Great rock work! 😀
As a writer/reader, I must say it is really difficult to feel motivated now days, but also seemingly even more pressing, since I feel I should make something good out of what has happened to us. Something like writing? Yes…
One of the feelings I keep encountering is guilt. Whether I write or not, whether I do other work or I not, I can always find a reason to be guilty, even whether I rest or not. Having a command to rest helps me greatly. 😉 Knowing my friend agrees helps me feel sure.
Another thing: I noticed how your little pet copied your emotions, resting when you were calm, hopping about when you were excited, and absent when you were carrying unnecessary burdens. It is true that many depend upon us to help them by setting an example, giving gentle reminders, etc. As you have done here. 🙂
Last of all, I’d like to leave my personal motto (lately!) and it is: What if nothing is wrong?
I know plenty is certainly wrong “out there” but in my own life, all the “what-if’s” shrink when I add that last one.
Praying you stay well. <3
I’m glad you like the rocks. I was pleased with the coloring of the rocks and I’m glad you noticed it. 🙂
I struggled with feeling guilty quite a lot last year. I always felt like I had to do more, that I was lazy, and that if only I’d try harder I’d be able to achieve more. But the truth was every time I tried to push through my fatigue, I only got more ill. So, slowly I learned to accept doing less and to be happy with just being. All my life, I’ve been a doer, working ridiculous hours. So, learning to be okay with just being was a big shift.
I like your personal motto: What if nothing is wrong? I’d interpret it like: What if we can just let it be? What if I’m good enough already?
I enjoyed your personal story. You brew a cup of green tea, smell it, breath through your worries and then start to write. I will practice your technique. Thanks.
I love how you summarize that, Dan. That’s it.
I don’t think it matters what tea (or coffee or hot chocolate) one drinks—any drink that’s comforting. Somehow, a warm drink works better with me. I love warmth. But maybe cold drinks can work too!
Thank you for your sincerity and support, Henneke! The comparison of the boulder with anxiety is fantastic.
Each time, making tea in your mug or reading your articles, I seem to drink strength and faith that everything will be fine.
I used to think that I had to work day and night. When health began to fail me, I read many articles and tried different tactics. It only got worse. But only recently, I realized that I could work for 10 minutes a day. And even this little thing can lead to something good. Now I sometimes work an hour a day! Yes, it took a year on this path. Accepting yourself new is the hardest thing.
You are an amazing person who helps so many people through words and drawings. THANKS a million times!
I can’t tell you happy it makes me to know you’re drinking tea from your Henrietta mug and drawing strength from it. Henrietta inspires me, too, and it’s a bit like we can drink tea together.
For many years, I worked all hours of the day, too. I’m so glad those days are now behind me. While it was hard to work less and to learn to let things just be, I know it’s making me a better person.
It sounds from your comment that you’re on the road to recovery. Wishing you more health, my friend. Stay safe! ?
Henneke,
I always enjoy your blogs, but I LOVED this one. In 2014, I had a health scare that I truly believe was brought on because I tried to carry too many heavy boulders. I took a class to learn how to better manage my stress and found that exercise works wonders for me. That and treating myself to some me-time each day to recharge my soul.
Thanks for the recharge!
Diane
Carrying big boulders seems to be bad for our health. I think it made my condition worse, too. I’m glad you found a way to better manage your stress and recharge your soul. I’ve learned that it can be surprisingly hard to look after ourselves well. But we’ve got to do it.
Take care, stay safe, and thank you for sharing your story, Diane. ?
Let the boulder lie. Never easy, but necessary. Forward progress one small step at a time. I take comfort in those steps every day. Misery strikes when there is no step.
Thank you. Stay safe.
Yes, to taking one small step at time. I’ve learned to take comfort in and be more grateful for each step I take.
Thank you for adding your thoughts, Barry. Stay safe ?
What a wonderful, generous post. I look forward to sharing it with others. Be well, Lauren
Thank you, Lauren, for your compliment and for sharing. Stay safe ?
Very well said! I like the focus on “it’s only heavy if you pick it up.” I also like that you remind us that even if we put them down for a few moments, it frees up energy.
We kind of all know that carrying boulders guzzles up a lot of energy, but it’s easy to forget that the mental boulders sap our energy, too.
Thank you for stopping by, Danielle. Stay safe ?
Thank you for sharing the story of the monks and the boulder. That really resonates with me right now. Stay safe and be well! xx
I love that story of the monks, too. It’s a good one to remember. I hope you stay safe, too ?
Gosh, this so hit home with me. Thank you!!
Thank you, Laurie. Keep putting those boulders down! ?
I found this boulder metaphor really helpful at a time of overwhelm, thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Diane. I’m glad you found it helpful, too. Stay safe. ?
Thank you so much, Henneke. Very inspiring and thoughtful especially at these trying times. Stay safe and healthy.
Thank you, Gem. I appreciate your comment. Stay safe ?
I was really touched by those words of encouragement.thank you
Thank you. Stay safe ?
Thank you, Henneke. This is perfect.
Thank you, Rachel ?
Hi Henneke,
Great read, thanks for this. Separating what we can and can’t control is a big one. I’ve lost a lot of control over my personal and professional life and that sucks. There are days when I wake up, feeling productive and ready to go, and then one tiny thing will throw me off and I say, “Well, f*ck it. This day is over. Might as well start again tomorrow since I’m living in Groundhog Day anyway.”
These aren’t easy times. But reading the words of inspiring people, like you, makes me feel not so alone. I can bet even as you wrote that article there were doubts coming up for you. I appreciate that you published it. Nice to know you’re still doing your thing!
Yes, I worried whether people would think I was oversimplifying things but this truly is a useful practice. It has helped me a lot, so hopefully it’ll help others, too.
Thank you for stopping by again, Eric. I hope you’ll feel better soon. ?
Hi Henneke. First off I want to say I love your drawings, they alone make me smile. ? Second, great way to visualize how worries accumulate into boulder size. Refocusing ones attention even for a short while is one of the best ways to ease tension. It’s a long, unfamiliar road we all find ourselves on, but this too shall pass. Be well Henneke.
Diane ???
Yes, it feels like a long and unfamiliar road. I’m learning to focus on putting one foot in front of the other, and living in the now. Over time we’ll see where the journey will bring us.
Stay safe, Diane, and be well. ?
Oh my, how I needed to hear that parable today. In addition to the boulder on my shoulder, I could feel the tension grip my chest. Your insight and simple message reminded me to let go of the things I cannot control. Worrying never makes anything better.
With gratitude…
I love that parable. It’s such a good illustration. I keep reminding myself, too.
Thanks so much for stopping by, Kathryn ?
Thank you for this Henneke
You’re most welcome, Fatima. Stay safe. ?
? As always, a bit of sense in a crazy world! Love ya! ?
Thank you, Kathy. Back at you ?
Yesss. Zen. or Stoic. Whatever: you don’t need to pick any boulder up. Great parable, it was new to me.
Life can be tough. You’re doing great.
I love the parable of the boulders. It’s such a good illustration of worrying.
And yes, I’m coping well at the moment, thanks to all that practice of not picking up boulders!
Don’t try and pick them up. I’ve started turning off TV news. So much going on and I can’t do a thing about it. I used to medicate with bourbon, I’d kind of forgotten let Go and let God (or Higher Power). Thanks, Henneke I’ll try and not pick up the boulder just today. Tomorrow is another day.
I don’t watch the TV news anymore but I find it hard sometimes to unhook from the live news feeds. That’s my weak spot. But I’ve learned to pay attention to when I get stressed by the news, so that’s my trigger for closing the news websites and doing something else. Stay safe, Joe, and thank you for stopping by again.
Hey Henneke
Thank-you for sharing how to deal with this tough time we are all going through. Im taking the let go and let God approach, and learning to take this thing one day a a time. Let’s get back to loving one another.
Yes, to going back to loving one another! Let’s be kind. ?