Good sentences are the basis of good writing. But how do you write a good sentence?
This article includes:
What’s a good sentence in the 21st century?
The 5 keys to persuasive sentences
5 examples of good sentences
Write better sentences
*Sigh*
You know it’s time to knuckle down.
And finally write those web pages.
But you struggle to get started.
Is your writing good enough? Can you persuade readers to contact you? And buy from you? Can you make your content easy to read, engaging, and inspirational?
Good writing isn’t as hard as it seems.
Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?
What makes a sentence good?
Picture yourself home alone. It’s Friday night.
You treat yourself to a glass of red Rioja Reserva, and you sit down in your favorite sofa to read the book you received from a friend. At last.
Your phone rings. But you let it ring. The neighbor’s dogs are barking, but for once you don’t hear them.
When you’re so engrossed in your book, you read complicated sentences with ease.
A sentence of 63 words? You gobble it up:
If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.
~ J. D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
Now imagine yourself at your desk, starting to read the first out of more than one hundred unread emails in your inbox. How much time do you allocate to each email?
You might read a short email word by word. But when it’s long? You glance. You skim. You try to extract its purpose as quickly as you can.
Most online readers are task-oriented (Empty that inbox! or Get that flight booked!). They’re not snuggled up in their favorite sofa, giving your words all their attention. They’re in fast mode. They’re itching to get a task done, so they can move on.
Join the 16-Part Snackable Writing Course and learn how to write better marketing copy (it’s free!)
When you write for a task-oriented audience, you need to work much harder to keep their attention.
Want to know how?
The 5 keys to writing persuasive sentences for busy readers
- Be specific. The biggest problem in business writing is generic gobbledygook. To avoid wishy-washiness, add specific facts to your sentences.
- Focus on your reader. Good marketing copy doesn’t feel like a sleazy sales pitch. It’s a cozy conversation with your reader.
- Make your readers feel something. Scrap weak words. Instead, add emotion or paint a picture. Make your content more dramatic with action sentences.
- Keep your average sentence length at a maximum of 14 words. A lower average would be better. The examples below have on average 9 words per sentence, making them easy to read.
- Be concise. Eliminate each redundant word.
Conciseness isn’t about the length of a sentence. A long sentence can be concise when each word is relevant and adds meaning.
Finding these 5 keys a little vague and abstract?
Let’s analyze a few examples …
5 examples of good sentences in business writing
Example 1: a stylus for iPad
Our adaptive palm rejection instantly knows whether it’s your hand or Pencil touching the page. Rest your hand on the screen, write from any angle. No calibration or setup. You’ll forget you’re creating on a tablet.
4 sentences. 36 words.
Why these sentences are good:
- This paragraph is clearly focused on the reader, listing various benefits of adaptive palm rejection.
- The benefits are ranked using the So what? method:
The adaptive palm rejection instantly knows whether it’s your hand or Pencil touching the page.
So what?
You can rest your hand on the screen and write from any angle.
So what?
You’ll forget you’re creating on a tablet. - The benefits show a superb mix of problems you avoid—no mistaking your hand for your stylus, no calibration, no setup—and positive benefits—write from any angle, forget you’re creating on a tablet.
Example 2: iPad Air
Not just a thinner display. A better display.
The displays on previous generations of iPad used three separate components. iPad Air 2 changes all that, combining those three layers into just one. This eliminates gaps between layers, along with the internal reflectance caused by those gaps. The result? Colors are richer, contrast is greater, and images are sharper and more vivid.
~ Apple
61 words. 7 sentences.
Why these sentences are good:
- The two opening lines, and the question The result? might all be crossed out by your high school teacher because they’re broken. But these broken sentences add a dynamic rhythm to Apple’s writing. Read the paragraph aloud and you’ll hear what I mean. Apple copywriters are the masters of broken sentences.
- The technical explanation is specific—three simple sentences explain why iPad Air 2 is thinner (because it fuses three layers into one), and why this means the display is better, too (no gaps so no internal reflectance).
- After the technical explanation, the closing line returns back to the reader by explaining what it means for the reader to have a better display. This sentence harnesses the power of three—highlighting three benefits in a row (colors, contrast, and images).
Example 3: A curry (ready-made meal)
You’re in Vietnam. You’ve whizzed around Hanoi in a rickshaw. You’ve walked around admiring the rice fields and the meandering waterways of the Mekong Delta. You’ve smiled and nodded enthusiastically at some happy locals. And right now you’re settling down for a delicious, flavoursome meal of udon noodles, veg, tasty sauce and spices. Enjoy (chopsticks optional).
~ Innocent
6 sentences. 56 words.
Why these sentences are good:
- The first sentence is sublimely short, making it easy for your reader to start reading the next sentence.
- The text paints a clear picture by using vivid imagery—rickshaw, meandering waterways, Mekong delta.
- The text is action-focused, adding drama—you’ve whizzed, you’ve walked, you’ve smiled and nodded. Do you find yourself smiling, when your read this, too?
- This vivid description elevates eating curry to an exotic experience full of joy.
Example 4: Gifts for guys
We say ‘no’ to ugly neckties, cologne samplers and executive trinkets. We don’t save wrapping paper, we don’t do ribbons.
We ship bragworthy gifts for guys.
3 sentences. 26 words.
Why these sentences are good:
- How specific can you get? Man Crates doesn’t tell us they dislike boring gifts for men. They tell us specifically what type of gifts they don’t like. Pretty clear, isn’t it?
- The sentence We ship bragworthy gifts for guys is more persuasive after the explanation of what they don’t do.
- Man Crates speaks strongly to their target audience. Note, for instance, the word bragworthy—according to some dictionaries it’s not even a word.
Example 5: Web hosting
Is your website up? More importantly, are search engines and subscribers receiving your content? If you are a content publisher, you need to know. But unless you are actually on the site, how do you know?
4 sentences. 36 words.
Why these sentences are good:
- Want to speak strongly to your reader? Then enter the conversation already going on in your reader’s mind. That’s exactly what these questions do.
- Did you find yourself quietly nodding yes, while reading these questions? When you start nodding yes, you’re more likely to say yes to their offer of web hosting, too. This is what psychologists call the consistency principle. Once we’re in the mood for saying yes, we keep saying yes. In my free snackable course I explain this power of the subtle nod.
11+ brilliant sentences and what they teach us about good writing >>
Good writing starts with an appreciation of sentences
I like this anecdote that Annie Dillard shares in her book The Writing Life:
A well-known writer got collared by a university student who asked, “Do you think I could be a writer?”
“Well,” the writer said, “I don’t know…. Do you like sentences?”
The writer could see the student’s amazement. Sentences? Do I like sentences? I am twenty years old and do I like sentences? If he had liked sentences, of course, he could begin, like a joyful painter I knew. I asked him how he came to be a painter. He said, “I liked the smell of the paint.”
The truth about writing a good sentence
Writing for business isn’t like academic writing.
Don’t show off your intelligence. Don’t brag about your command of words originating from Greek and Latin. Don’t impress your readers with undulating sentences.
Your content isn’t about you and your business.
Your content is about your readers.
Connect with his wishes, dreams, and secret desires.
Be engaging. Be enchanting. Be good.
Want to improve your writing skills?
Join the 16-Part Snackable Writing Course (it’s free!):
- Discover the Power of the Subtle Nod and other persuasive tricks
- Learn how to cure sentence bloat and avoid irritating your readers
- Receive 16 simple tips to write more seductive content and win more business
Recommended reading on writing good sentences:
How to write clear and concise sentences
How to write a long sentence
How to write an opening sentence
Your blogs are wonderful bite-sized lessons! As a new copywriter, they are my go-to resource for easy to digest guidance. Brilliant!
Thank you, Laura. I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog!
Am glad I found this article, it has changed my weird writing skills
I’m glad you enjoyed this, Charles. Happy writing!
A lot of these tips apply to having a good foundation for writing copy. Keep up the great work!
Yep, knowing what you want to say is half the work.
Thank you for the insight, I really appreciate your content.
Thank you, Azeez. Happy writing!
Your write ups are like a cool breeze after a tiring day. So glad I found you. Please suggest me a great blog where I can learn to overcome the typos and mistakes. If you haven’t covered the topic yet, please consider the topic for your upcoming blog.
You may want to check out Grammarly (the app).
I’m a fanatic reader of your tips. I do really thank you for the support to my dreams for writing . You are the best.
Thank you so much, Marya. I appreciate your compliment 🙂 Happy writing!
Very useful. Thanks indeed for your great support and hope to receive more and more from you Henneke.
I’m glad you enjoyed this article. Happy writing!
Especially in marketing, how your audience responds to your content all depends on your writing style. I always recommend trying out different styles and personas, after a period of time you will be able to see what your audience prefers.
Yes, it’s about style and substance, and an audience will respond to both.
I’ve probably experimented more with topics on my blog to see what resonates with my audience. My writing style is what I prefer, so I imagine my writing speaks to the audience that’s right for me.
For bigger businesses that need to target a bigger audience, it’s more important to try different writing styles – that’s a good suggestion.
Thanks so much for your excellent suggestions, Henneke! I’m just starting to market my own product. Coming from an academic background, I was really struggling with the writing aspect. I love your tips. I’m learning to inject energy and a bit of pizzazz into my text, thanks to your suggestions.
That sounds great. Thank you for stopping by, Paulette. I appreciate it.
Happy writing!
Change the subject of a sentence.
He passed the book to Rudy.(Books exchanged the hands.)
Vary short sentences with long ones.
Change the order of words
Use euphemisms in the right places.
Avoid ‘many’, ‘more’, ‘really’, ‘extremely’,’very’, ‘etc.’
Hi, another great article. I have a question for you.
To briefly introduce what I do, I am interning at a water forum, an organization that connects water-related companies with ministries or foreign companies. They hired me to work on the website since it is very outdated.
First, upgrading the content of member companies. Mostly in the field of water resources, wastewater treatment, hydropower equipment…you get the gist.
Engineering sites are usually very bland and their content makes you drowse.
What I need to do is create ”marketable” member company profiles in about 3-4 sentences.
Do you think your words of marketing wisdom are applicable in this scenario?
I’ve been stuck. All of them claim the typical ‘good quality’ ‘world-class’ or describe their products and services range in the most least attractive way.
Yes, I can imagine the challenge. Try to find some facts on their sites, e.g. when they were established, where they’re based, whether they specialize in specific projects, what type of clients they work with, any point of differentiation about the products, even things like who their founder is or what their first or most recently launched product is, or their bestseller. Details like these can help make the profiles less bland and more interesting. You’ll start to sound more like a journalist and less like a marketer 😉
I hope this helps!
Great information! As a writer, this is definitely helpful. Sometimes, the struggle is trying to get the audience’s emotions without saying too much. Do you have any suggestions how we can make it short yet direct and filled with emotions?
Think about the purpose of each sentences. Not every sentence requires emotion. Some sentences are simple and factual. That’s fine. Emotional sentences will attract more attention when they stand out.
When writing a more emotional sentence, think about your favorite reader – what emotion is he feeling about your topic? Try to make the emotion as specific as possible, and keep in mind don’t always have to describe the emotion itself – you can demonstrate the emotion. Instead of they were bored, you can write they were fidgeting on their seats, glancing at their watches. Instead of she was frustrated, you can write she’s pulling out her hair.
You might find these posts useful:
https://www.enchantingmarketing.com/details-marketing-copy/
https://www.enchantingmarketing.com/how-to-choose-the-right-words/
This is a fantastic resource and exactly what I needed to read today.
Now I know why my posts that start with shorter, punchier sentences hook my readers in faster.
Economy of words, for the win. Brevity all day.
Yep. Brevity usually wins 🙂
Glad you enjoyed this post, Mike!
Henneke,
Nice article. It’s instructive. It’s inspiring. It cuts to the point.
And it came at just the right time—when I had to write an intro with all the same qualities. But I wasn’t on my couch sipping a glass of Rioja. I was in the center seat, elbow to elbow with two large snoring people on cross-country red eye flight, trying to pound it out before my laptop’s battery expired.
Thanks for saving my bacon.
A red-eye flight, the center seat, two large snoring people — that sounds like a pretty awful journey to me 🙁
I’m glad you survived, Jon!
Apple’s copywriting is the best because it manages to persuade me that I really need features that I didn’t even know I needed. “Colors are richer, contrast is greater, and images are sharper and more vivid.” Hey, I started thinking about upgrading from iPad third gen. to Air 2 because I needed a faster CPU and more memory. Did I know or care about the screen image quality, which was great already? No…but once Apple made me aware, the desire (perceived need) for the device became even more compelling.
And they sure now how to make the mundane sexy!
Yep, I agree – that’s exactly their focus. They use, for instance, the word “new” numerous times. And often they don’t find “new” enough, so they use “all new” or “entirely new”. They also use phrases like “re-imagined” – just to make us aware that this is not an upgrade, but something completely new and we really really have to get a new iPhone or iPad even though our old one is still fully functional 😉
Hi Henneke,
Excellent post here as usual.
Writing for business is nothing like academic writing. And short sentences are truly the key to keep people engaged and entertained.
I especially liked the examples you provided, especially the Apple one. After reader that, I had to check it out for myself at some of Apple’s copy and you’re correct. They do use a lot of broken sentences … but it adds intrigue to their copy and it works.
The curry example is awesome. The flow, the pace, the words all adds to the whole experience and imagery.
Oh, and the “so-what” example was good too. It really helped answer the readers questions as to why they needed to know that information.
Awesome.
– Andrew
I love the curry example, too 🙂
Glad you enjoyed the post, Andrew. Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂
Hi Henneke,
Great post!
I like your concise examples. They show a great example of using sensory and powerful words.
In the examples “Example 2: iPad Air”, “Example 4: Gifts for guys”
Wouldn’t it be better if they addressed the reader directly (“you”)?
Great point!
In the case of Mancrates, I think it’s important to stress that these are gifts for guys (even though I bet some girls like these gifts, too), but it’s part of their image. Have a look at their site and you see what I mean.
To check how self-centered Apple’s copy is, I once counted how often they use “you” vs their brand names (this was for the iPhone 5): “The sales copy uses the word iPhone 81 times. And the name Apple is used an additional 26 times. But the words you and your are used even more often: 110 times. That means that one in 23 words of the sales copy is you or your.” So, I probably just picked a few sentences that didn’t include “you”.
Good point.
I would still prefer to use more “you” in my copy.
Nice stats about Apple. There’s lots to learn from them 🙂
Thanks Henneke.
Yeah, I’m with you. I’d like the balance to be a little more “you” than “me”, but this is Apple 😉
Hi Henneke,
Wonderful post as usual 🙂
Business writing is not like academic writing – well said!
It is not about sharing what we know. Even though readers prefer to get information on a topic, if it is plain boring information, nobody cares. It is about empathising with them.
The “so what” and “subtle nod” method work great in this context!
Thanks for putting this together. Have a great week!
Cheers,
Jane.
Yes, you’re right – it’s not about sharing what we know, and it’s not about impressing readers because of what we know. It’s about helping readers – to encourage them, to inspire them, to help them make the right decisions.
Thank you for stopping by again!
Thanks for the insightful post Henneke.
I particularly appreciate the diversity of the examples and your subsequent analysis.
I put one of my documents through the FOG index mentioned by Curtis – time for a review!
Thank you, Roger. As William Zinsser said: “Good writing is hard work. A clear sentence is no accident.”
Good writing requires a few rounds of editing. In between editing rounds, it’s good to have some “simmering” time so you can look at your copy again with fresh eyes.
Great job Henneke. I’ll be sharing this with some colleages and recommending your course and book.
Thank you.
Thank you so much, Mark. That’s great!
hi there Henneke,
what a marvellous article, want to immediately hit the road on those.
I see you are always hunting for the best and the shortest.Love Annamarie
You know me too well, Annamarie. I love hunting for enchanting words and sentences 🙂
In How to Write a Sentence, Stanley Fish calls John Updike’s little ditty on “what it was like to see Ted William — the Kid, the Splendid Splinter — hit a home in his last at bat in Fenway Park on September 29, 1960” one of the greatest sentences of all time.
“It was in the books while it was still in the sky.”
He offers a lot of similar advice from this post.
Except I LOVE your emphasis on the reader … them, not me. Thanks!
Whenever I come across articles about good sentences, then all examples come from fiction. I thought it would be nice to write a business version of how to write a good sentence. And I guess in business writing we should be even more focused on the reader than in fiction?
Having said that, Kurt Vonnegut also advocated writing for one reader: “Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.”
Do you recommend the book by Stanley Fish?
I do. It’s kinda academic … but really short and has a TON of great examples.
Whenever I teach writing here at the college, I always us Vonnegut’s essay on writing. Amazingly simple and effective stuff.
Great quote!
I’ve added the book by Fish to my wish list. Thanks for the tip!
I’ve found that the best tutorials / books / courses use carefully selected examples to illustrate, explain, and teach. Without examples, it’s difficult (impossible?) to move from information to teaching, and from abstract to concrete how-to.
Great post Henneke,
I am a true detractor of text in general, maybe because of my profession, but if it isn’t almost self explicative, we have a problem. Being concise in the corporate world is such a difficult task. In fact, I had quite a struggle trying to redesign our corporate web page. I am surrounded by people who rationally agree on what you say, but refuse to summarize when dealing with our own texts/webs. Maybe this article will inspire them 🙂
Take care,
Ah, a lover of minimalism in architecture and in writing?
I do agree with you – being concise isn’t easy. Writing simple content is much harder work than creating vague and difficult content.
Yes, short sentences are key. So are shorter paragraphs. They draw people in and that’s what you want. Thank you for confirming.
Yep, that’s true – shorter paragraphs are important, too. Apple gets this right, too. Their web pages are easy to read.
Hi Henneke,
Yep. I’m with you. A simple declarative sentence. They work!
Curtis to his bride. ” I love you.” A simple declaritive sentence. Subject. Verb. Object.
You can use them to share all the meaning in the world.
Check out this readablity “Fog index.” It’s fun. Let me know what you think.
http://www.readabilityformulas.com/gunning-fog-readability-formula.php
Yep. Simple sentences work. But they can’t all be Subject Verb Object, because that would become a little boring, right? 🙂
The Fog Index looks quite similar to the readability stats you get in Microsoft Word. I used this a lot when I started writing to check my sentences weren’t getting too long.
Henneke:
Love the way you dissect the sentences – extremely helpful.
Thanks!
Glad to hear that, Susan 🙂
i create a word
my tongue jumps, my calves unclench
worlds release music
Poetic 🙂
Great post Henneke and I did read every word! Your 5 key points for a good sentences and the following examples are great takeaways.
Apple utilizes very clever copy-writing with my all time favorite being “1,000 songs in your pocket” when they released the iPod all those years ago.
Cheers
Mark
Yes, that’s a fantastic phrase. I love it, too.
I agree with you about Apple’s clever copywriting. I’ve learned a ton by studying their copy. Their copywriters are seriously good.
very interesting explanation that combined by excellent example copy writing that make understand easily. Thank Henneke
You’re welcome 🙂
Henneke, You’ve created another important information laden piece. I love it. And timely, as always. Perhaps you can answer a question…I have a sales page (for a concrete sealer product for driveways) to write. I’m thinking of approaching the writing with Example three – putting the reader in the picture, imagining they’re standing in their driveway (to collect their newspaper), with a cup of cofee. They’re admiring their driveway – after three years of having this $20K investment done. Holy crap! Is that a crack? It could all be avoided with this producet….then list the features/benefits, etc. I’d love your thoughts… Keep up the fantabulous work, by the way. Thank you.
Yes, it sounds like that approach good work well! 🙂
Hi Henneke,
I love the change of pace in Example 3.
The first four sentences convey the hustle and bustle of a tourist’s busy day. Then the fifth, with its switch to the present (“And right now you’re settling down…”), perfectly mirrors the scene by slowing down to provide a relaxing ending.
Yes, that’s a good point! It’s a wonderful paragraph isn’t it?
I can almost taste the noodles. Making me hungry…
Yes, it’s a brilliant example. Simple but very effective.
I really got a lot from this post. So many good observations.
Thank you!
P.S. Pizza one week, noodles the next. Henrietta should open a restaurant 🙂
I bet Henrietta would love to open a restaurant! 🙂
I always love reading your blog posts Henneke. You have a sharp way of simplifying things into useable bits and bites. I come from an academic background and when I started blogging I had to unlearn some of those old style, old school writing techniques. I’m sure some of them are still hanging about. This is a good reminder!
Yes, it seems that unlearning is often harder than learning something new, isn’t it?
Thank you for your kind words, Marlene. Good to “see” you again!
One of the other points I have finally “gotten” is that my writing isn’t about me. Keeping even an idealised reader in my mind helps to get the material across. Hopefully with a bit of spunk! Thank you Henneke for another excellent post.
Yes, isn’t it amazing how much it helps to imagine a reader who you’re writing for?
Thank you for stopping by 🙂
Interesting read Henneke.
Creating content online is all about knowing your audience and trying to solve their problems. Your examples and explanation why they’re good explains how to address the problems of the reader. Without boring them. This post also has given me some pointers on how to approach busy people through email. Thanks for sharing.
Yes, indeed. These tips are suitable for writing emails, too. You might want to complement these tips with this article about writing emails: https://www.enchantingmarketing.com/how-to-write-persuasive-emails/
Thank you for stopping by, Mickiyas 🙂
Great take away for me is that short sentences are key to entering into the conversation the reader is already having. Thank you for super tips on crafting effective writing by using short sentences as a tool.
Writing shorter sentences makes a huge difference to the readability of your content. And it immediately makes your content sound more dynamic, too.
Thank you for stopping by, Lita 🙂