Have you ever listened to a passionate speaker?
And?
Was their enthusiasm contagious?
Passionate speakers use emotion to engage us as listeners. We notice their excitement in their body language. We hear their eagerness, their spirit, their fire in their voice.
Passionate communicators are fascinating. They create an intense focus on their words.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could do the same with our written content? If we could get our readers hanging onto our words because they feel our passion? If we could inspire our readers with our enthusiasm so they become eager to hire us?
But how?
How can we let our passion shine through without resorting to platitudes like “I’m a passionate professional?”
How to let your passion shimmer and shine
During the Easter weekend, I read the book H for Hawk by Helen Macdonald. The author writes about grieving for her father, while training a goshawk. The book was so fascinating I couldn’t put it down; and I re-read it as soon as I had finished it.
Why did the stories about the hawk fascinate me?
I love watching the birds in our small garden. The robins, the blue tits, the thrushes, the sparrows. I love their tweeting and fluttering around. But I’m not really into bird-watching. I don’t know the difference between a sparrow hawk and a goshawk; and I definitely am not planning to buy a hawk and start training it.
But still … the descriptions of the hawk were utterly fascinating. For instance:
The first few days with a wild new hawk are a delicate reflexive dance of manners. To judge when to scratch your nose without offence, when to walk and when to sit, when to retreat and when to come close, you must read your hawk’s state of mind. You do this by watching her posture and her features, the workings of which turn the bird’s shape into an exquisitely controlled barometer of mood.
A hawk’s simpler emotions are easily perceived. Feathers held tight to the body mean I am afraid. Held loosely they mean I am at ease. But the longer you watch a hawk the more subtleties you see; and soon, in my hypervigilant state, I was responding to the tiniest of cues. A frowning contraction of the crines around her beak and an almost imperceptible narrowing of her eyes meant something like happy; a particular, fugitive expression on her face, oddly distant and reserved, meant sleepy.
The writing is precise, vivid and full of sensory words. You can picture the bird, feel its presence, experience the tension between human and hawk. Here’s is how she describes when the hawk first arrives at her house, and the training begins:
The hawk had filled the house with wildness as a bowl of lilies fills a house with scent. It was about to begin. In the half-light through the drawn curtains she sits on her perch, relaxed, hooded, extraordinary. Formidable talons, wicked, curved black beak, sleek, café-au-lait front streaked thickly with cocoa-coloured teardrops, looking for all the world like some cappuccino samurai. ‘Hello hawk,’ I whisper, and at the sound she draws her features tight in alarm.
The writing is also educational, full of interesting facts about hawks:
What is she seeing? I wonder, and my brain does backflips trying to imagine it, because I can’t. I have three different receptor-sensitivities in my eyes: red, green and blue. Hawks, like other birds, have four. This hawk can see colours I cannot, right into the ultraviolet spectrum. She can see polarised light, too, watch thermals of warm air rise, roil, and spill into clouds, and trace, too, the magnetic lines of force that stretch across the earth. The light falling into her deep black pupils is registered with such frightening precision that she can see with fierce clarity things I can’t possibly resolve from the generalised blur. The claws on the toes of the house martins overhead. The veins on the wings of the white butterfly hunting its wavering course over the mustards at the end of the garden.
If you’d want to hire someone to train your hawk, would you hire the writer?
Why business content lacks passion
In sales copy and blog posts, statements often remain generic:
These generic statements are devoid of passion. They lack enthusiasm.
To infuse your writing with passion and get readers inspired and fascinated by your business content, you must dive deeper and share the details of what you do. How you onboard new clients. How you work together. What you expect from clients. What clients can expect from you. How exactly you ensure good results.
Your whole process.
Details make your copy sing, and when your copy sings your readers feel your passion. Here’s copy I wrote for Cotswold Kitchens:
Once you’ve agreed your bespoke kitchen design, you can leave the work to us. We arrange a skip to get rid of your old kitchen. We sort out the plumbing and electrics. We arrange the flooring, tiling and painting. And we clean your kitchen to deliver it to you in top-notch condition.
We manage your whole project, so you don’t need to worry about fitters arguing with plasterers about delays or other issues. We take full responsibility for your kitchen. That’s why we’re happy to offer you a 10-year guarantee.
Here’s how they measure your kitchen:
Using a laser measuring tool and diagonal assessments, we create an accurate plan of your space. We note down the location of services, measure the walls that aren’t straight and notice whether the floor is uneven. We craft a bespoke kitchen that fits perfectly.
To assess the natural light in your kitchen, we measure your windows and use a compass to check directions. If your kitchen is north facing, for instance, consider a granite worktop in an autumnal colour to make your kitchen feel warmer. If your windows are small, think about a glass back panel to reflect the light flowing into your kitchen – it makes your interior brighter.
Details add sparkle and passion to your content, and details also boosts your credibility. They make you sound like an expert.
But do people want to read long content full of fascinating details?
You might have heard the scary facts …
… that on the average web page, users read “at most 28% of the words” (source)
… and that “79 percent of our test users always scanned any new page they came across” (source).
Why would you expand your content to include details if hardly anyone reads them?
Because the people who read rather than scan your content are often your warmest leads—they’re most interested in what you offer.
In their research about ecommerce shoppers, the Nielsen group found different types of shoppers. Some people get to a site, and they already know exactly what they want. They’ve already done their research. Others are bargain hunters and they’re looking for the best price. These types of shoppers most probably won’t read the details of your product or service descriptions. They won’t check out your blog posts or browse for further information.
However, other people are looking for what’s new or they’re simply killing time and go to their favorite websites. Another type of shopper is in the early stages of research; they’re not ready to buy yet, but they want to find out what’s available and how products and services compare. These are the people who’ll read detailed information on your website. They’ll devour your latest blog post. They want to know more about you. They want to read the finer details.
Some people scan. Some people read. Your content needs to be suitable for both.
Passion is your advantage
Big businesses struggle with showing their passion. Because most of their employees don’t care. They sit out their time.
But you have an unfair advantage as small or solo biz.
You know what you love doing. You know your process inside out. You’ve learned which clients energize you and help you do your best work.
You’re not working simply because it pays the bills. You’re passionate about your work.
And that enthusiasm, my dear, is contagious.
So let your passion fire up your words.
Recommended reading on writing with passion:
How to write with warmth and kindness
How to mix emotion and facts in sales copy
How to arouse the magic of sensory words
For writers, it is important to write with passion and engage more readers towards your book. The tips you mentioned are very helpful and I will definitely try them. Thanks for sharing it.
I’m glad you found this helpful, Jacob. Good luck with your book!
Hello Henneke … you make me sit up with your writing!!
Without going into political details I need to fire up my fellow Afrikaners into something they hear about but which they don’t really know about: Self-determination. Yes, like the Scottish, Belgians, Spanish and so many more who are mistreated (wrong word) as a people. I am myself very enthusiastic about it, have read lots and lots about it, and am totally convinced for the need of it – or else my children, grandchildren or great-grandchildren have no future in this beautiful land of ours. So I am writing a website – have changed it several times for the better (I think) after reading your articles. If you look at my website you can find it under the VF+ line of the menu – I wrote it in Afrikaans – maybe you can follow it. Your articles are fantastic! Thank you very much – and don’t stop sending your lessons ….
By the way – your English way of writing you name is very much like the Dutch way of my daughter’s name: Hanneke.
I was born a Hollander many many years ago and have lived in South Africa almost 70 years now… married an Afrikanergirl, and feel myself to be an Afrikaner – and see my people mistreated to the extreme by majority rule . You may have read about it although the English press is not very Afrikaner-minded. Anyway…. thank you for your articles – I love each one of it !
Actually, Henneke is not the English version of Hanneke. I now live in the UK, but I’m originally from the Netherlands, and Henneke is the name my Dutch parents gave me. Hanneke is far more common than Henneke, but I’ve come across a few other Henneke’s 🙂
I’m glad you’re enjoying my articles!
I ‘scanned’ this post and found 2 parts very helpful. The type of e-commerce shoppers and why big businesses may lack passion. That being said, I’d prefer to write from the heart and speak from the heart all the time. I believe if I do that, great wealth will flow to me and the savvy people that hang on to my every word will be the ones who help make their dream and my dreams come true. In an age where people have to wear many hats to be successful (writer vs author) I think the world would be a much better place if everyone helped each other and mainly focused on what they did best.
What a pity that you only scanned this post!
Hello Henneke,
I must plaud you for this great content and it is really an eye opener to the intricacies in writing a good content for you business writing…
One thing I noticed in contemporary writings of today is the premium attention to details that most writers give to a particular idea or perception they are writing about.
Thank you, Adefemi. I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog. And yes, attention to detail is important to writing well. Good writers are pretty obsessed with details 🙂
Hello Henneke,
Amazing may be the right description of all I have read so far, and I am mesmerised, at the flow of mouth watering vocabularies in one letter. I just love it, & I wish to learn and improve my skills on writing. I may not be able to write like this author, but I hope to get out of my present situation.
Thanks so much for the exposure.
.. Femi.
Hello Femi, I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog. We all write in our own way, with our own voices, letting our own passions shine through. Happy writing!
Hi Henneke
Thanks for the boost. Its a good thing we have someone who trully understands our silent fear,struggle and pains.
This post has really touched the deepest part of me.
The truth is:
We all want to stick. We want to be remembered. We want to leave positive imprints on the hearts of our readers.
We desire more comments,shares and retweets.
But its not happening.
And that’s because most times our sentences are flimsy and without passion.
Thanks
I’ll definitely share this.
Thank you for your lovely comment and for sharing, Charles! Nice to “meet” you 🙂
Hi Henneke, I read that book, too, and absolutely loved it! The writing was so poetic and I love learning something new at the same time. The book fulfilled both of those wants.
Your topics are also enjoyable to read and learn from. Glad you got a mini break. I got one yesterday at the beach and it’s so energizing. Write on! 🙂
Thank you so much, Penelope!
I’m glad you enjoyed H for Hawk, too. I like poetic prose 🙂
That was one of the best books I read last year. Although the reactions in my book club were polarising.
Loved the tips you shared and I’m sitting here a little red-faced just thinking of how many platitudes I probably have on my own website.
I’ve just signed up for your free snackable writing course so I can rectify that!
I’m not surprised about the polarising views. The way the book quotes from other books about hawk training feels a little strange, but somehow it works. And some of the prose is absolutely beautiful.
Nice to meet you, Angela! I hope you’ll enjoy the snacks 🙂
Your passion is obvious, dear Henneke. I missed you last week.
I read 100% of the words in your posts. More than once. No scanning.
As always, well written and valuable.
And passionate.
Thank you.
Awww, what a lovely comment, Scott.
I couldn’t write about passion without showing my passion 😉
This was a timely post for me as I’m writing some web copy that I now see could use some details to spice it up.
It also dovetails with something Joanna wrote about recently on the Copyhackers blog about not focusing on writing web copy for scanners as the prospects that we’re looking for are usually in a different state of awareness and more willing to read detailed and longer copy.
Thanks for sharing this!
Joanna’s point about different states of awareness seems to match the research about ecommerce shoppers from Jakob Nielsen. And intuitively it seems to make sense, too. I also think it differs per product, the higher the price the more research people usually do, so the details become more important.
Good to see you again, Anthony!
Hi Henneke
Hope you had an enjoyable mini break.
Yes, passion is contagious and it does ignite the reader or listener. I don’t believe it’s something you can fake – you’re either into it or you ain’t. With my writing I can be very enthusiastic about a topic, but after days of research and getting my thoughts together I find the enthusiasm waning. It does concern me because that affects my spontaneity and hence writing voice.
All the best and thanks as always for a wonderful post from *sunny England
Mark
I agree with you – I don’t think you can fake passion.
I’m not sure what the answer is when you find your enthusiasm waning after days of research. Sometimes a short break away from the topic (or away from work completely) can reignite our enthusiasm.
My mini-break was lovely! Thank you for stopping by again, Mark. I appreciate it!
Hi Henneke,
Yes! I write mainly for business clients and some of them can be so conservative and scared, even, about stepping outside the formal business zone when it comes to the language they use. I recently persuaded one to let me interview their production floor staff and use the results as the ‘story’ for their About Us page. Sadly they edited out my favourite quotes, but at least it still retained a small semblance of passion and human interest, which is a refreshing change from most corporate websites.
Cheers, Mel
What a pity that they edited out your favorite quotes. But I’m glad they didn’t edit out the passion completely. You should be proud of that!
Fantastic post with insights I haven’t read elsewhere.
I loved the writing sample, and especially the “cappuccino samurai”. She could be a Manga comic star with a name like that.
I like your idea of the cappuccino samurai as a Manga star!
Thank you for stopping by, Fiona.
Your excerpt from Helen Macdonald’s “H is For Hawk” is staggeringly beautiful and well-written. I’m said to have a way with words, but I’m stung by her gift for words. Intimidated,
even, like I feel I’m back at “A is for Apple”.
The book is a pleasure to read. The rhythm of the sentences as well as the word choice. I might go back soon to read it a third time 🙂
Hi Henneke,
Sometimes I get so caught up in all the reader stats I forget that some people actually read what I write. Granted not that many right now but even for one. Maybe I should keep the stats in mind while writing to people. Gee, what a concept. Thanks for the reminder.
Isn’t it a bit odd how different people take different things from what you write?
Is that Arthur I see? He is so cute.
Barry
Yes, it’s Arthur! I was thinking when I uploaded the image that you’d be happy to see him back 🙂
I wouldn’t keep the stats too much in mind while writing. Write for the reader who loves your content because it’s so helpful to him. Once you’ve written your blog post, check whether the subheads would entice potential scanners to start reading.
Happy writing, Barry!
Thank you for this article. Your work has really helped me with writing my content for my website.
Would it be safe to say that different pages require different types of writing. I think there are some web pages that I need to go back to and add this descriptive passionate writing on because they are ready to hear more details and want to know exactly what I will do for them.
Yes, that’s an excellent point. A home page, for instance, will rarely feature a lot of detail as the main task of the home page is to send various visitors to the web pages most useful to them. Of course, it also depends on price points. Lower-priced products tend to have less copy than premium products and services.
Great to hear that my blog is helping you with writing content for your site 🙂 Thank you for stopping by, Julie.
Hi Henneke
You have me thinking about ‘people who scan’. I know for myself, I scan until I get hooked. Writing that feels different, that speaks about my (say) kitchen project in the same terms that I would, sucks me in. I feel like the business understands me. As if they are reading my thoughts and fears.
So I think passionate copy can definitely turn scanners into readers. And readers into buyers.
Thanks as always for your work 🙂
I like your point about sensing whether a business understands you. Too often corporate websites don’t seem to be talking too me at all.
Thank you for stopping by again, Alison! I appreciate it 🙂
Hi Henneke,
Such an awesome post. Although, I don’t write articles for others but enjoyed reading the post and learned many things.
Thanks for sharing.
But you do hope that others read your articles, right?
“the people who read rather than scan your content are often your warmest leads—they’re most interested in what you offer.” Thanks for this point, Henneke. I lean in this direction and tend to write longer form for my services. I want people to have a good idea of what’s on offer. Am now fascinated about the hawks ability to see!
Yes, I’m the same. The information on my courses tends to be relatively long, too. For higher-priced products and services, most people want to see detailed information before deciding to buy.
Thanks Henneke,
I need to write a detailed argument for a maker of precision organic fertilizers, and this post is very timely.
The copy you crafted for Cotswold Kitchens is the perfect illustration of nailing the details an an engaging way. When it’s my kitchen—or my 9th green—I want to know precisely how you’re going make it match my vision. And I want you to infect me with your immersion in a subject near to my heart.
This one goes into my inspiration folder.
When I was still doing freelance writing projects, I found it fascinating to learn about a variety of businesses. Often the people who hired me were surprised how many questions I was asking, but that was how I could capture their passion about their work. Asking questions was also the quickest way to learn about different topics; and seemingly boring topics often turned out to be far more interesting than I had thought at first instance.
Good luck with your article about precision organic fertilizers!
Actually, it’s an ad, rather than an article. Thankfully.
Hi Henneke,
That’s so good a tip for use writers.
We have our own lyrics, we only need to sing it so loud that potential customers not only hear it but also feel it, get soaked and drenched in our passion. It’s only then we get hired instantly.
I also loved how the writer described the hawk, definitely added the book in my read list.
Thanks for the tip Henneke.
-Swadhin
I hope you’ll enjoy the book, too!
Such a great article Henneke! And I read it down to the last word which proves your point I think.
I am passionate about the creative process and my art students – but does it show on my site?? Gonna go have a look. Thank you!
I find reading about the creative process and what inspires artists fascinating!
Have you read Austin Kleon’s book “Show Your Work”? He’s a big advocate of artists sharing their process (even when they don’t feel ready for it yet!)
Thanks Henneke – I will check out Austin Kleon’s book. And if you love reading about the creative process I’m excited to tell you that my book, The Power of Creativity, Transforming Life through Art, is due to come out this fall. Maybe you’ll like that one too! 🙂 Best to you, Lauren
PS I’m not sure why my blog/website isn’t coming through, but if you’d like to read it, it’s here: http://www.LaurenRaderArt.com
Thanks, Lauren
Lots of interesting art projects!
I’m not sure why CommentLuv didn’t show your web link at first – but it did work in your latest comment.
Hope you had a great holiday! I re-read books too. Most of my friends think I’m crazy. 😉 Loved this post. Passion is contagious, and being able to make it come through in writing is like any art form – developing the skills and then being true to yourself.
Yep, I love how you’ve put that – developing skills & being true to ourselves.
Going offline for two days was lovely. I keep telling myself to go offline for one day a week, but I’ve so far been unable to make myself do it.
I’m a total scanner …. AND I love descriptive words that make my heart sing! I am enthused by the idea of accommodating both types of reading styles. Just ordered the Hawk book – loved the cappuccino samurai and the autumnal coloring to help north-facing kitchens. great post!!
It sounds like you love a color scheme with lots of earth tones…. cappuccino and autumnal colors 🙂
I hope you’ll enjoy the book! Let me know?
Absolutely helpful, Henneke. Thanks so much!
I think I’m a bit unsure about how to write both for those who scan and also those who read. However, I want to be available to the ones who think.
Those who are shallow and in a big rush probably will not benefit from what I have to say, anyway. They will be shallow and in a big rush with all of life and what I share will make them impatient. What they can glean from what I write will land on the cutting room floor of their lives.
So why try to attract them? I have what they need, but not what they want. And they will follow whatever they want, regardless of their needs.
Maybe a post about “Why I Don’t Want to Work Hard for Life Improvement” would benefit a few of those people?
You can turn the scanners into readers. I don’t have any figures, but from what people tell me, many people often scan blog posts before deciding whether to read it or not. So having a good headline and subheads (and making sure there’s enough white space so the text looks inviting and easy to read) can help turn those scanners into readers.
I know I have passion INSIDE for what I do, but I know that I am so analytical and fact-based as a person and this is portrayed in my business writing
I write as I am – to the point, without frills and fuss. I suppose my writing attracts other people who are similar to me 🙂
But…I do want to get better and have the ability to paint pictures and use humor!
Good analytical and observation skills are precious in writing. Look at the writing about the hawk – the author is such a keen observer, she notices the tiniest changes in the hawk. You don’t need frills and fuss!
Hey Henneke,
Welcome back.
Some people read. Some people scan. Make sure your content is suitable for both. That is so true. I was a believer that since so many people scan, you need to make sure your content is written for scanners.
But, you also need to make sure your content is Written for those that actually read your content too.
Loved the details you shared from that book. Wow. When content is written like that, no matter the topic, it makes me want to read more.
Really great post here.
– Andrew
“When content is written like that, no matter the topic, it makes me want to read more.”
Yep, exactly. That’s why I started re-reading the book as soon as I had finished it. 🙂
Glad you enjoyed this post, Andrew!
Well said, Henneke 🙂
We need to express our thoughts in a presentable format.
Writing in detail gives the reader a clear idea.
Thanks,
Singaravelu
Exactly. That’s it – making your ideas clear and painting more vivid pictures.
Thank you for stopping by again, Singaravelu!
Yess, I would absolutely buy sooner from a kitchen merchant with great website texts. May be I am biased 😉
I’m sure you’re biased, but aren’t we all in our own ways?
Love this Henneke! I feel like I’ve heard it before, but sometimes we need to hear things over and over again before they really start to sink into our brains. Thanks for that!
Yes, sometimes a different example or a slightly different approach can make the penny drop (as we say in the UK). That’s why I think bloggers should not be afraid to discuss the same topics again and again.
Good to see you again, Eric!
Hello Henneke,
I really agree with this post. Passion is what makes life worthwhile. There’s a lot of magic when a passionate person writes about it, as you say, it’s contagious.
I think it’s a challenge when big corps try to write about sections, all the flavor is gone and the reader knows it. I am currently reading a book by David Heinemeier Hanson and Jason Fried “Rework” which I highly recommend to you that states that big companies should stop writing big chunks of text, especially reports, because it’s a waste of time for people who write it and people who read it. Personally, I never read the about pages of big companies. Do you think individuals like me would never trust the voice of big players?
Yes, I think it’s tricky for big companies. When they try to sound passionate, it often comes across as fake.
I’ve come across the book Rework very often, but still haven’t read it. After your recommendation, I’m putting it top of my list!