Writing is so weird, thinks Hannah.
She’d like to engage her readers.
But her writing feels stilted … as if she’s talking into a vast empty space.
Hannah’s readers feel distanced and blurry to her. What’s their reaction to her writing? Do they feel inspired? Or confused? Do they feel empowered? Or belittled?
Hannah struggles to connect.
How can she feel closer to her readers?
The word you is often promoted as a power word …
A magic word that makes all writing better, more engaging, more powerful, more persuasive.
D Bnonn Tennant even argued that you is hypnotic because it’s a placeholder for your name.
But is the word you really so magical?
As far as I know there isn’t any proof that the word you is hypnotic, and Gregory Ciotti argues that using people’s name is actually far more powerful than using the word you.
We also know from A/B tests that button copy like Get my free report often outperforms Get your free report (e.g., this test by Michael Aagaard). So, for button copy, the first person (me or my) is more powerful than the second person (you or your).
So, when do you use you, and when do you skip it?
Use the second person (“you”) to engage from the start
In blog posts, the word you can help strike a conversational tone so you don’t sound like a lecturer nor like a pushy salesman.
Here’s an example opening paragraph of a blog post about word repetition:
Remember the red pen of your high school teacher?
Whenever you repeated a word in a sentence, there it was: the angry red mark. Ouch.
Over time, like most writers, you probably learned to avoid word repetition, and you diligently replaced duplicated words with synonyms or pronouns.
But did you know word repetition can add rhythm to your writing? That it can strengthen your message, and make it more memorable? And that repetition can shape your voice?
I’m a fan of the word you. It turns a monologue into a dialogue, and that’s how I’d like my writing to be.
But like with everything in writing, no strict rule exists. For instance, the opening of this blog post you’re reading right now uses the third person (she, her) to describe Hannah’s predicament of struggling to connect with her readers.
The main rule is this:
As long as readers recognize the problem you sketch in your opening, they’ll feel like you’re addressing them.
That’s more important than whether you use the first, second, or third person in your writing.
When not to use the third person (“they”)
Sales copy becomes stilted when we refer to our readers, prospects, and clients using the word they.
For instance, compare these two options:
At the start of each project, I interview clients so I can write copy in their voice.
And:
At the start of our project, I’ll interview you so I can write copy in your voice.
The latter version using you feels more personal, right? You can start picturing yourself as the client.
In sales copy, the word you is also useful because it forces us to translate features into benefits.
For instance, these are 3 things you’ll learn in my Enchanting Headline Writing course:
- 6 tricks to write “How to’s” with flair so you can captivate more readers
- 3 Golden Rules to help you adopt the right mindset to engage your audience
- 5 ways to get unstuck and reignite your creativity
But the word you doesn’t need to be limited to bullet points. A sales page is a conversation with readers, too, and you can use the word you to engage your readers throughout your copy—like here at the start of the sales page for the Enchanting Copywriting course:
Do you ever find yourself staring at a blank sheet?
Struggling to find the right words to sell without feeling sleazy?
You’re not alone.
The word you addresses a reader directly, making them feel understood. And when readers feel you understand their problems, they’re more likely to believe you can help solve that problem, too.
That’s why a good copywriter understands what’s going on in their readers’ minds.
But the word “you” isn’t always better
The word you can stress your readers’ shortcomings too strongly, and make them feel inept and insecure.
That’s not the kind of feeling to instill.
So, sometimes, the inclusive we is a better alternative to you.
The inclusive we indicates that the writer and her readers are in it together. For instance, the copy for the Enchanting Copywriting course switches to we to indicate it’s okay if you find writing persuasively hard:
Persuasive writing is probably one of the most precious skills anyone in business can possess.
But at school, we’ve not learned the art of persuasion. We’ve not learned how to write compelling content. We’ve not learned how to sell without feeling pushy.
And that’s exactly what this course helps you to do—you learn how to engage and attract your ideal customers, and how to win more business.
As writers, we don’t want our readers to feel silly. We don’t want to make them feel like they’re the only ones getting it wrong. That’s when switching to the first person plural (we, us, our) can be useful. It tells each reader: We’re all human. We all make mistakes. We’re all flawed. Don’t feel alone.
“We” vs “you”: A style choice
I use the word you a lot because it makes me feel closer to each reader, and it makes my writing feel more like a personal conversation. That’s how I like my writing to be. It’s my choice of writing style.
The School of Life makes another choice. Their writers consistently use the inclusive we in their blog posts rather than the word you. Their writing tone is warm and compassionate but still a little distanced. As readers, we never get to know the author—there is no I in the writing.
This is from a post on how to go to bed earlier :
There’s a pattern that goes like this: it’s late, given when we’ve got to wake in the morning, but instead of going to bed, we stay up. The next day, of course, we feel sluggish and weary and we promise ourselves an early night. Then it happens again: it’s already midnight and we’ve got a normal start the next day but we don’t turn in.
And:
It’s one of the weirdest features of being human: a completely clear sense that how we’re behaving is bad and counter-productive doesn’t get us to stop. Harsh criticism is the utterly entrenched human tactic for getting people to change—just as self-condemnation is our instinctive strategy for self-improvement—yet it doesn’t actually work. It induces panic, shame and despair but doesn’t bring about the desired alteration.
But what if not all readers feel the same? The School of Life writers sometimes refer to most of us or a few of us—like in this post about coping with one’s parents:
A few lucky ones among us get on easily with their parents, but for most of us, mothers and fathers are the source of continually complicated and emotionally-draining trials.
So, you can use the first person plural (we, us, our) or the second person singular (you, your) to address your readers.
Both options work. The first person plural (we, us, our) makes us feel like we’re all in it together but the author can remain hidden.
The most conversational option is using you (and I).
But both options work to create an engaging tone, and it’s okay to switch from the one to the other.
The key to connecting with your readers
The choice of pronoun influences the tone of your writing.
But the real key to engaging your readers is sneaking into their minds.
What are they struggling with? How does that struggle make them feel? What questions are bothering them? What goals do they want to achieve?
When editing a draft, step into the shoes of one reader, and try to imagine how your writing sounds to him or her.
Don’t think about your readers as a crowd.
Instead, think of just one reader.
And edit your writing to engage, empower, persuade, or inspire her.
Recommended reading on pronouns and engaging your readers:
4 common mistakes with pronouns
How to write like a human (wholeheartedly)
How to engage your readers [case study]
You are an amazing teacher. Thank you.
Thank you, Shital.
An interesting and informative post Henneke. I’ve also noticed in speech there are a lot of “I, me, my” people out there, instead of “we, us, and our”. I dislike hearing bosses and others in authority talk about “my this’, or “I did that”.
Most of us are part of a team of something and it’s the team effort that pulls us forward.
When we write, it’s us and the reader. Without that connection something is missing.
Thank you for an enjoyable read. Stay safe.
Yes, I’m with you, Barry. So many people talk only about themselves and they forget to ask questions and engage others, and if they’re in a position of authority, they may forget to recognize a team effort. Let’s make the world a little less me-focused and a little more inclusive.
I hope you’re staying safe and well, too.
Very interesting, I was recently wondering whether to use ‘the’ or ‘your’ in a facebook campaign. I shall go with ‘your’ in future and hope I connect with the readers a bit more.
Yes, it’d be interesting whether you notice a difference. Especially “you” questions can stimulate interaction.
Thank you for stopping by, Charlotte! 🙂
Hi Henneke!
I often use “you” to present a problem and draw the reader into it:
“You take off your coat and throw in onto the couch and slump into the overstuffed chair.”
But I use “we” to address the cause, so awkwardness is shifted onto my shoulders, too, and I’m helping to carry the (imagined) blame with the reader:
“We don’t always recognize depression until we realize the entire house is in shambles.”
I’ll even shift to “I”, if it will help the needy one feel less alone:
“Don’t ask me how I know!”
And, of course, it’s right back to “you” when I describe the benefits:
You look at the front room and realize the tidiness in there is reflecting the order you’ve found in your own psyche, and a smile is playing in the corner of your mouth—and it’s been a long time.”
Funny thing I never knew there was a debate about this practice. I’m glad to know you’d approve! 🙂
I like how you do that! There seems to be more debate about this than I had realized.
Katharine, I loved your distinctions. I tend to do what you described, too. It’s a shift in perspective derived from the feeling you want to communicate. Having stated it so explicitly, I’ll go back to my latest blog post draft and see if there are changes I want to make.
Thanks, Henneke, as always for putting out thought provoking topics!
Happy hunting, Deborah! And thanks for your kind words! <3
Yes, The School Of Life makes a funny choice. It feels inclusive, but also artificial.
I agree. It feels like they’re hiding who the authors are.
They do hide that. And they don’t explain why. Yet their style is very consistent, don’t you think? Maybe AdB edits EVERYTHING himself 😉
Their style is incredibly consistent. I think they have a very detailed style/voice guide. It feels to me that their style is more consistent than mine. If you read my early posts and compare them to my posts now, there’s more difference than what you’ll find in any writing of the School of Life. Amazing. But it also takes a bit of humanness out of the writing.
Do you think his/her/their writing is impersonal? I don’t. I think it is amazing. the only thing is: you have no idea who is really speaking.
He/she/they/it is an enigma.
I don’t think the School of Life’s writing is impersonal. Their tone is friendly, and they make me feel they understand me, the world, humans. But it’s just a little distanced because there’s no “I” in the writing and there are no personal stories from the author(s). Still it works and their writing is excellent with lots of examples and vivid language (they could improve the formatting online; they appear to be writing more for books).
I just don’t think I’d ever recommend this approach to someone. Even if a blog has multiple authors (like a bigger corporate blog), why not let all authors write under their own name?
Would you ever recommend their approach?
Thank you, Henneke.
What an insight for one to improve his writing!
Happy writing, Zama! 🙂
As we’ve come to expect, Henneke, your words are chock-full of commonsense.
For example, your points on this: “At the start of each project, I interview clients so I can write copy in their voice.”
And:
“At the start of our project, I’ll interview you so I can write copy in your voice.”
In my view, the second one wins hands down. Excellent, Henneke. – thanks for sharing
Thank you for your lovely compliment, Paul. I appreciate it 🙂
Super helpful Henneke, thanks so much. Sometimes, when reading something I’ve written, the ‘their” and them’ jump out at me like mullet out of a river, and slap me on the face. Hopefully, I’m getting better at getting the message across.
It continues to surprise me how much impact changing “their” to “your” and “they” to “you” makes. It feels so much more engaging. Yet, we continue to see “theirs” everywhere.
Thank you for stopping by, Joan. Good to see you again!
Absolutely!
I find this information very helpful. I’ve always wanted to know when to use “you” to connect with my readers. Thanks Henneke. You’re awesome.
Thank you so much for your comment, Carol. Before committing to writing this, I was a tad worried whether this topic was too niche, so I’m glad that you (and others) are suggesting it’s helpful.
Happy writing!
Another brilliant post. This clears the confusion I always had when to use ‘we’ and when to use ‘you’. The fact that both can be used judiciously has given my confidence a boost to write better and engaging content.
Thanks once again
I’m glad I was able to clear this confusion for you, Subhankar. Happy writing!
This was really helpful. Thanks again for your insight Henneke!
I’m glad it was helpful, Mel. Thank you for stopping by again. 🙂
“Writing is so weird, thinks Hannah.”
Thank you!
Right off the bat you’ve given us a gift by putting us on the same team. I’m eager to read on feeling like I’m already in a safe place. Where there’s a good chance great treasures await me.
Big takeaway,
“Get my free report.” feels like you’re giving me a gift and want to help me. Positive feelings.
Verses, “Get your free report.”
Which kinda stresses me out. Did I miss a deadline? What was I supposed to know and create already?
Super cool and helpful post.
I’m so glad you’re on the same team, Phil. It’s always good to see you here. Thank you 🙂
Thanks for another great article Henneke! I used to switch, but I’ve learned to use ‘you’ more consistently. I def prefer that myself as well, whenever I read something. Otherwise, there’s a division between ‘us’ and ‘them’, and that’s exactly what the world doesn’t need more of, right? 😉
Yes, so true, we don’t one more us vs. them.
One thing I should probably have explained is that we (and us/our) can be used in two different ways. The first option is the inclusive “we.” I call it inclusive because it includes both the author of the article or book and the readers, so it indicates that we’re all in it together. Both you and me. The other “we” is the us vs them version. It’s the we as in “we, the company.” I recommend the former (all of us) rather than the latter.
Really love the way you put together your blog posts Henneke. Easy to follow along and I always leave with an excellent tip on how to improve my writing!! Thank you!
Thank you, Sally, for your lovely compliment. You put a smile on my face 🙂
Wow! Henneke, have you been spying on me? 🙂 If so I’m glad. Every single paragraph of this article is the wisdom I need right now. Many thanks as always!
Yes, I’ve been spying. I’m glad you like it, Grace! 🙂
Thanks for this post as it seems to explain my dilemma in my head…..
I have been debating whether using “you” throughout the post and then suddenly switching to “I “or “we” when wanting to make a further point or concluding a matter was the correct thing to do.
It’s okay to switch. I do it a lot and it feels natural to me—I’ve never heard complaints about it. We switch in conversations, too.
But others make different choices—the School of Life sticks with “we” throughout their writing.
Another of your gems of wisdom, Henneke – Thanks!
Now, do you have any suggestions on how we refugees from old-school grammar can come to grips with using the possessive plural pronoun “their” after a singular subject, in the name of gender-equality?
I found this tricky at first and I know a lot of people object but once you start trying, you can get used to using “their,” “they,” and “them” when referring to a singular person. Language evolves.
I thought you were going to say “But.” 🙂
Thought-provoking.
Perhaps that’s for another article? I’m not sure I could write a whole article about “But.” But I could try “And.” 😉
Hi Henneke,
First things first: Great content!
I was actually working on a copy when I stumbled upon this amazing piece of content.
It made me go back to my copy and do some review…
And I found out something. There’s actually a section of my copy that I think WE would be very much powerful than me using YOU.
But I’m not totally sure it’s the right thing to do – from changing YOU to WE.
So I need your opinion.
Can you spare just 1min of your time to check out this particular section of the copy I’m talking about?
NOTE: Am not asking you to review all of my copy, but if you could help me do that. That’d be really great!
What I’m asking is a particular section of my copy about 3-4 paragraphs.
I don’t know maybe I should replace the YOU with a WE. I don’t wanna make a mistake.
So I kindly request for your help.
Just 1min of your time. Nothing more.
I recommend trusting your gut instinct. Write down the two versions. Read them both aloud, and see which one you prefer. Some people use software to read a text back to them as they find that makes it even easier to spot what works and what doesn’t.
If you can’t decide, leave them overnight and see how it feels the next day.
Such a brilliant post based on only three letters. I was just debating this question with myself the other day as I wrote a social media snippet. Thank you! ❤️🙏
It seems quite a few of us are debating this with ourselves; and surprisingly, I’ve never come across an article about this before (other than people suggesting that it’s always best to use you). Thanks for stopping by, Kathy. ❤️🙏